Alone,
in the prison
that is my mind.

The jailbirds’ whispers
raise all the hairs on
my skin.

“Give up”
“You’ll never be good enough”
“Just end your
pathetic
miserable
life”

I cannot take
this torture
anymore.

So, I killed the jailbirds

Before they could **** me

There’s a familiar tug on my heart strings
One that I haven’t felt in some time
Although it’s strange
It’s also comforting

I never realized how much
My soul yearned for music
But even though I’m out of tune
I’d love for you to play me a melody

The spirit within me starts to sing and dance
To your notes
Because even though I’ve never heard it before
I already know this song

Longing
So
so
much longing

It’s that undeniable
Magnetic feeling
That draws me in
Unforgivingly

It makes me want
To crawl out of my own skin
Just to get closer to you

It makes me want
To lock you away
Just so I don’t have to share

It makes me crazy
This
Unstoppable
Longing

I crave to be your arms
Constantly
Endlessly

It’s as if you have
Infected all of my being
Down to the soul

I ache knowing
That my arms
Aren’t wrapped around you

But instead are wrapped around me

I once believed
that monsters hid
under the bed
and in the closet.

I never knew
where they truly resided:
within me.

I am cursed.
My monsters
told me so
last night when they kept me awake.

You see, they show
their ugly faces
all night long
and remind me
to stay awake,
or else they’ll get me.

A restful night,
a pleasant dream,
these things I’ve only hoped for
but do not actually know them.

Because I live a haunted life.
And once you are haunted,
you will never know peace.

Halfway between
city lights and starry nights
is where you will find me.
My heart yearns to wander the cosmos,
my brain keeps me grounded with reality.
I am only at peace
when I am somewhere
amongst the clouds.

He hit me like a brick wall on a Friday night
with a force so overwhelming
I started falling.
Our eyes met and something unbelievable happened.
A feeling so right stole through me,
the kind of right that should be illegal.
I saw the beginning, the end, and everything in between.
All of his highs matching all of my lows,
there was an intricate balance.
Tears in the past,
smiles in the future,
and an endless amount of memories in the present.
I saw it all.
Absolute happiness walking hand in hand with undeniable fear,
It was all there, right before my eyes.
A future,
a life,
something that I always dreamed of finding,
but believed that I would never have.
And in that moment, I felt something rise from the brokenness.
Because when I looked into his eyes,
I saw an achievable perfection.

Most people wouldn't thank you
for what you did.
But I am thanking you.
Despite everything
inside of me telling me not to.

I am thanking you because
without you
I would have never become great.
Without you
I would have never realized my true worth.
Without you
I would have never learned to love myself.
Without you
I would have never known my breaking point.

So, thank you.
Thank you for absolutely wrecking me.
Thank you for turning my life upside down.
Thank you for making my life hell.

But most importantly,
thank you for walking away
and never looking back.
Because while you rode off
into the sunset
I had to fix myself
and now
I'm better for it.