I am a woman.
I’ve got full, pink lips
and pretty eyes,
soft, smooth skin
and a delicate frame.

If only you knew.

My full, pink lips
hold back a scream.

My pretty eyes
shed enough tears to end the drought.

My soft, smooth skin
has been black and blue.

My delicate frame
violated.

But nobody wants to see that.
They don’t want the truth,
they want the desirable woman.

The one who smiles and says she’s okay.
The one who is so good at pretending
everything is okay
until it is.

So I wake up every morning,
put on something pretty,
apply some makeup,
and do my hair.

I hide who I am,
and pretend
because I am a woman.

I remember it all

Heart racing
Clammy skin
Muscles tight
Insides coiled

Screams stuck in my throat
Bile churning in my stomach
Tears filling my eyes
Fists ready to fight

I was frozen
Like ice
Like a statute

Something
Touching me

Unwanted

Feeling like a caged animal
Thrashing against the chains

Wanting to have my soul
****** out of my body

But I did nothing
I said nothing

And with every
Brush against my skin
It felt like knives

But I would have preferred the knives

And with every
Movement inside me
It felt like death

But I would have preferred death

Death would have been easier than this

It was heavy.
The weight of the world
fell on me, and it was heavy.
All the moments of my life
I have carried this weight.
My body was tired
from it.
I could no longer do this,
I could no longer support this.
Crash. My knees hitting the dirt.
Crack. My body failing me.
Screams from my friends
Ringing in my ears.
“Help her!”
“Save her!”
They knew
the weight I carried
was hard for me
but they did it anyways.
Forcing nutrients into me.
Giving me more weight.
Weight I had to carry
not them.
Weight I could not
live with,
weight I hated.
For I was too heavy.

The lonely flicker of life
wanders through the sands,
knows each grain,
never seeing the same dunes twice.
The sun rises
and greets.
The moon comes
and cools.
Long days and nights,
so much to do.
Keep safe during the day,
be productive at night.
Water growing thin
however,
survival is guaranteed
for it doesn't require much.
Many seek to take everything,
but it has many swords to protect.
Invaders promptly depart.
The desert
is no place
for a life.
Which is why I thrive.

Hair standing up,
tingles down my spine,
flutters in my gut.
What is happening?
It’s like an electric current
replaced my blood.
Coursing through
every
inch
of
me.
A power so sensational.
A power I fear.
It struck me like a lightning bolt,
fast,
hard,
life altering.
I dare not speak its name
for it retreats as fast as it came.
So I stand and embrace it.
I let it flow through me.
I willingly become its host,
despite the fear
because
I’d rather know it
and lose it
than never feel it at all.

Whispers
endless voices
brushing so gently across my skin
the sultry tenors
seep like molasses
over me
creeping
steadily
into my heart
mind
soul
snatching my breath
with those thick
heavy
vibratos
leading me
down
into darkness
into death

I am out of everything.

I’ve poured out so much over you,
but you are a ghost,
a phantom,
a beautiful
blissful
dream.

The feeling of feeling
clouds my head
and takes over my judgement
every
single
time.

It's like a shock
bringing me back to life,
and then it fades
leaving me cold
and alone.

You are that sweet whisper
bringing the life back to me
for just a moment.

And I live for that moment
no matter how fleeting it may be.

You **** everything out of me
and, yet
I still let you
take
everything
because for a second
you also give me everything.