Syd - Hello Poetry

Syd Aug 2019

...

I wanted it so bad I forgot what I was looking for.
I forgot why. How, even.
it's like this was one big game I was playing in my head, that I'd never known how to play in the first place.
Scrambling to figure out.
But I couldn't,
so I just played by my own rules.

Syd Aug 2019

i wondered why.

I wondered why I wasn't happy.
I knew it had something to do with school and the new friends I'd hadn't made.
In high school, I would be voted "hardest to understand", or "punniest", but nothing special.
My life was just a sequence of sadness and anger with a pinch of sweet mixed in. I used sugar to cope when it didn't help with how I looked at myself in the mirror.
I was lonely and socially awkward.
In this harsh world, I was just a grain of sand on the beach. One of the infinite grains of sand.

Not desirable.
Not wanted. Just like everyone else.
And it was worse because that's actually what I was the most scared of.

Everything I wish wouldn't have happened, happened.

Syd Aug 2019

All i wanted...

all i wanted was one good day. one.
but my day had been bad.
i played games.
by brother was more rude than usual.
my homework was due soon.
all i wanted to do was write.
i had a smoothie from the wholesale shop.
i then smiled.
i needed a nap bad.
the doggy ate my library book.
my temper was thin and fragile.
all i wanted was to be was alone,
on my own, agile as a dear.
just me, myself, and i.

Syd Aug 2019

i you. you me.

i smile at you.
you smile at me.

i laugh with you.
you laugh with me.

"do you like me?"
him: "nope, not really."

Syd Aug 2019

Then you know.

it felt good to be full.
to know that for at least a day or two you wouldn't be starving.
to know that you still had at least a week before you would die of thirst.
then you know today is not the end. the last.

Syd Aug 2019

When I'm With You

Heart thumping.
Body sweating.
Feet tingling.
Time slowing.
Brain juggling.
Eyes meeting.
Crowd whispers.
Cheeks blushing.

All the things I feel when I'm with you.

Syd Aug 2019

Thanks, Mom.

the crisp edges satisfyingly crunchy.
i bit into half a blueberry scone still warm from the oven.
a new recipe you decided to try out.
it tastes delicious.
thanks mom.

#mom #scones #blueberry