Sometimes it feels like the world is going to end..
Life is hard.
People aren’t who you think they are...not everyone is good
But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be
Jobs aren’t always easy
Money isn’t always abundant
Friends come and go
Relationships end
The only consistent thing in life is yourself
As cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason
People leave your life because you don’t need them
The job you left wasn’t right for you
Your significant other was not your person like you thought they were
You are the most important person in your life
So take care of yourself
Let go of toxic things in your life
Buy that item you’ve been itching to have
Call in from work once in awhile
Give yourself a break
If you don’t love the life you have, change what is in your control
In the end, it’s not going to matter
Life isn’t forever
Be who you want to be
Love who you love
Do what makes you happy
Don’t worry about what other people think
Just give yourself a chance.

I hope you find someone who falls hard for you.
I hope you find someone who loves you at 1pm and loves you even more at 3am.
I hope you find someone who throws bits of food at you and laughs as loud as they want in fancy restaurants and doesn't care what other people think.
I hope you find someone who lights candles and makes you tea while watching your favorite movie.
I hope you find someone who wakes up in the middle of the night and covers you with a blanket so you're not cold.
I hope you find someone who wakes up in the morning smiling at you and kisses the top of your head while you're still sleeping.
I hope you find someone who is willing to pick you up from your house late at night  when you don't feel well because they want to take care of you.
I hope you find someone who picks you up and dances around the kitchen while they're making you dinner.
I hope you find someone who sings at the top of their lungs because they know it makes you smile no matter how obnoxious they sound.
I hope you find someone who holds your hand while driving.
I hope you find someone who reminds you of how important you are.
I hope you find someone who tries to makes you smile even if you're mad at them.
I hope you find someone who surprises you with your favorite candy on days you feel low.
I hope you find someone who randomly grabs you and kisses you like it's the first time all over again.
I hope you find someone who's not afraid to feel absolutely everything for you.
I hope you find someone who doesn't let you cry yourself to sleep while you're laying next to them.
I hope you find someone who gets drunk and goes on late night walks with you.
I hope you find someone who writes you letters just because.
I hope you find someone who will find you a rock or shell on the beach to keep as a memory from your adventure.
I hope you find someone who puts in as much effort as you do.
I hope you find someone who tries to love you more than you love them.
I hope you find someone who loves you with everything they have.  
I hope you find a love so strong it consumes you.

Your walls heard all of the confessions I whispered to you while you were asleep. They heard me talk about how terrified I was to fall for you. They heard me say that I was scared that you were going to get to know me better and you weren't going to want me anymore the first time I stayed in your bed. They heard me tell you that you made me happier than anyone ever has and that you're the reason why I can finally wake up in the morning and actually get myself out of bed. They heard me tell you that it hurts when you drink yourself sick and I'm worried that you're going to destroy yourself. They heard me tell you that I hate how you bail on me and that it makes me feel unimportant to you even though you fell asleep with me wrapped up in your arms. They heard me tell you that I could spend my entire life with you and I would never get tired of you. They heard me whisper "I love you" for the first time and then later heard me say it over and over again until I fell asleep with my face buried in your chest. Your walls have heard everything I never had the guts to say. They heard everything. I just hope that they can keep my secrets and I wonder what secrets my walls are keeping, too.




                                   B.S.

People always talk about finding "the one," the one who completes them and makes them feel like a unified being. I hate to break it to you, babe, but you're not "the one" for me. You're much more than "the one". You're more like the "the seventeen" and maybe even one day you'll be more like "the sixty three". Now you're probably reading this and thinking "what the **** are you even saying?" Which is a valid question because I don't know what I'm talking about most of the time either, but you already knew that. What I mean by this is you're not just one big lump of you. There's so many different you's that's put into one body. There's a you that makes me laugh uncontrollably and a you that makes me want to tear my hair out. There's also a you that knows how to calm me down and a you that protects me when I can't protect myself. There's a you that walks me to my car even when it's just a minute away. One day, there might be a you that argues with me about what color we should paint the walls of our living room and who knows, there might even be a you who loves your kids more than anything, but a you who puts your foot down when you think they're getting out of line. So, no. You aren't "the one." You're the endless amounts of you and I want them all in every possible way.



                                    B.S.

You asked me what my biggest fear is and I'm sure you were expecting something ordinary like heights or snakes or swimming at night which yes, I admit I am afraid of, but that's not my biggest fear. My biggest fear is you realizing how big of a mess I am. I get drunk too much and don't sleep enough. I spend more time running away rather than trying to keep the people I care about more than anything close. I need constant reassurance and I don't know how to make decisions. My biggest fear is that you're going to realize that you didn't really know me at all. You know the little things about me but you've never seen me at 2 am when I'm shaking so hard it hurts and I can't breathe for who knows what reason. My biggest fear is that you're going to watch the stars fade from my eyes and you're not going to see anything left in me.





                                     B.S.

You told me that loving me hurt. It hurt to love me and I never understood why until I tried to love myself. You're right, it did hurt. I understand now that it hurts to love someone that could never love you back the way you love them. It hurts loving someone who loves the duller things in life but also loves every ******* thing this world has to offer and there's no way to keep up with them. It hurts because you don't want to hold them back from what makes them happy. It hurts loving someone who's so distant but also needs to keep you as close as possible and you have no idea how to keep them from slipping away. It hurts loving someone who never knows what they want and can never make a decision so you're constantly frustrated. It hurts loving someone who doesn't trust you or anyone that you're around. They don't trust anyone for that matter. It hurts loving someone that flinches every time you try to touch them and you have no idea why. But you know, love is supposed to hurt sometimes. Love isn't supposed to make you feel like you're constantly walking on clouds. Love makes you feel like you have an anchor chained to your ankle and it's dragging you to the bottom of the ocean. Love makes you feel a heavy weight on your chest sometimes and that's ******* okay. I get it, though. Loving me hurt. But loving me doesn't hurt anymore ever since I stopped loving you. So I guess it wasn't me, it was you. Loving me hurt because of you.




                                        B.S.

I remember when I was a kid I used to go into my parents room and pull off their covers so just the sheet was left. I would lift it up above my head and crawl underneath before it laid itself back down. I remember how comforting the smell of fabric softener was and to see the sun peeking through the white sheet. (Love is comfort, you are comfort) I remember loving everything and everyone without a doubt in my mind that they loved me too. (I loved you, and I know you loved me too; although you had a funny way of showing it) I remember rolling around in the grass and searching for lady bugs so I could hold them for just a second before they flew away. They interested me more than anything and I could stare at them for hours. (You caught my attention, but just like the lady bugs, you left too)  I remember  gathering flowers in a bucket so I could pluck all of the petals off and throw them around the yard so that there could be vibrant colors scattered everywhere. (Kind of reminds me of what you did to my heart) I remember the first time it snowed here I made a snowball and placed it in the freezer in hopes that it would last forever.  My mother got rid of it one day and I didn't even notice. (I tried to keep you forever too, but you slipped away without any warning) I remember finding injured birds and keeping them in a box until they were strong enough to fly away. I always loved keeping baby birds and seeing them fly off for the first time in their entire life. (I helped mend your broken heart and once you felt okay again, you moved on to bigger and better things) I remember getting into fights with my sister and one of us would end up hitting the other out of anger, but we'd be laughing ten minutes later about God knows what, forgetting why we were angry in the first place. (We constantly fought but neither of us could stay mad at the other. Maybe that was our problem.) This is what love is.



                                B.S.

It doesn't hurt. It's more of an emptiness in your chest and you don't remember why it's there. It's easy to forget why you feel like there's a part of you missing because things have slowly been fading away for awhile now.  You just drifted apart for no particular reason. The worst part is remembering how happy you were (SweetPlacidity_)               with them and realizing that things are no longer the same and they're not going to come back. Other times, it's as if they don't exist. It's unnerving how people can be so easily forgotten, how I can be forgotten. But you know,  it was a quiet ending and that's all I could have ever asked for. Thank you for leaving quietly.


                                B.S.

I know that one day I'm going to see you at the grocery store or the movie theater or somewhere out shopping with someone who has taken my place next to you. When I see her, all I'm gonna think is, "that used to be me." I used to hold those hands and kiss that stupid face of yours. I used to be the one who could make you smile just by looking at you.  I don't know where things went wrong, or if they ever really did. Maybe things just stopped. My world just (SweetPlacidity_).   stopped.  I wish it could still be me with you, but there's nothing I can do. I just hope she makes you feel weightless. I hope she makes you feel warm. I hope she makes you smile. I hope she does everything I couldn't. I hope she doesn't make you sad. I hope she holds your hand so tight that nothing can get between you. I hope she kisses you softly. I hope her heart aches when you're not around. I hope her lungs collapse when you leave. I hope her bones shatter when you scream. I hope when you see me, your world stops too.  





                              B.S.

Have I always loved you or was I in love with the idea of being in love with you? Loving you wasn't all that I made it out to be. I imagined loving you would feel like the crash of the waves of the ocean hitting my waist while hearing the laughs of kids who are just meeting the beach for the first time in their lives. I imagine loving you would feel like rainy days in the summer that last for three days straight and make the grass and plants look greener than ever. I imagined loving you would feel like the first warm day of spring after enduring the bitter winter for three months. I imagined loving you would feel like discovering the most beautiful place I  just recently had the privilege of exploring.  But what was loving you really like? Loving you felt like getting the air knocked out of my lungs after falling while ice skating when I was a kid. Loving you felt like my first skinned knee after falling off my bike while learning to ride it without training wheels. Loving you felt like the first time I got too drunk and the room started spinning and nothing could stop it. Loving you wasn't all I made it out to be. Maybe I didn't love you, maybe I did. All I know is, that's not what love is supposed to feel like on my side. Maybe you loved me, maybe you didn't. I know the words you spoke, but I don't know what went through your head. I just hope the next girl who loves you feels something different than what I felt.

It seems to me as though people don't take the chance to get to know other people anymore. It's all about physical attraction and getting with that one person that everyone wants. Maybe we know each other's names and maybe where we're from, but do we know each other's pet peeves or biggest fears? Hell, do we even know each other's favorite color or birthday? The answer to that question is no. We don't. But one thing that I've found is that you'll never know someone better than that person that decided to sit next to you on the airplane on your way back home for the holidays. Maybe airplanes aren't the most intimate place to have deep conversations, but you're stuck with that person for god knows how long and chances are, you'll never see them again so why not open up and ask this person questions about themselves? I've met many different people when I've traveled by myself and I couldn't be more grateful for the opportunity I had to get to know these people. Ive met an old man from Australia who couldn't keep his mouth shut about a girl he had a crush on when he was twelve. He crashed his bike while she was sitting on his handle bars after they snuck out of their houses to see each other. I've met an older woman who found my college textbook about Confucius to be one of the most interesting books she's read after I let her borrow it for awhile. I've met a teenage girl who was traveling on her own to go see her family in Italy and told me about everything that she wishes to accomplish one day. I've sat with a boy I've met previously once before who I never knew had a thing for old cars and loves cold weather. But you know what the best thing is? You finally notice how people look at you. That old Australian man, yeah, he had the goofiest smile I have ever seen after I told him that he had one of the sweetest love stories I've heard in my entire life. Even as he shut his eyes to try to take a quick nap, he was still smiling. And when I could feel the older woman's eyes on me while writing my paper about Chinese philosophy, I caught her with bright eyes and the slightest smile on her face when i turned to look at her.  That girl traveling alone, well, I don't think I've ever seen a bigger smile after I told her that she's going to accomplish great things in her life. And that boy I sat with, couldn't stop smiling no matter what I said. Every time I'd turn to look at him, I'd catch a glimpse of him smiling before he turned his head to hide his face. All I'm trying to say is, I wish that maybe one day, I could get to know you as well as I know these people I've met on the airplane. I wish that maybe I'll finally have the chance to see the way you look at me.



                                B.S.

You wrote our story on my skin with your fingertips, except our story wasnt gentle. It was full of cuts and bruises and that's why I have so many scars



                                B.S.

Fall in love with the way his voice shakes when he tells you he's scared to lose you
Fall in love with the way he smiles when you kiss his cheek while he's trying to sleep
Fall in love with the way he gives you goosebumps when he whispers sweet nothings in your ear
Fall in love with the way his fists clench when he gets frustrated because he can't explain how much you mean to him
Fall in love with how he plays with your fingers when he's lost in a conversation with you
Fall in love with the way his voice can calm your most vicious demons.
Fall in love with the way his lips melt into yours every time he kisses you
Fall in love with the way he brushes your hair out of your face so he can get a better look at you and tell you how beautiful you are.
Fall in love with how much he annoys you and pokes at you, but makes up for it by drowning you in kisses.
Fall in love with the way his laugh travels through your entire body, exciting every nerve.
Fall in love with the way his eyes light up and his lips curl into a crooked smile when you tell him that you love him
Fall in love with the way he falls asleep with his arm wrapped around you and pulls you closer when he wakes up for a quick moment
Fall in love with every piece of him

I hope she makes you feel weightless. I hope she makes you feel warm. I hope she makes you smile. I hope she does everything I couldnt
I hope she doesn't make you sad. I hope she holds your hand so tight that nothing can get between you. I hope she kisses you softly
I hope her heart aches when you're not around. I hope her lungs collapse when you leave. I hope her bones shatter when you scream
I hope you remember who loved you more than life and would do anything for you. I hope that's enough to twist your insides into a knot.


  
                                B.S.

I just want to be tangled in your arms with my head in the crook of your neck. I want to feel you kiss my forehead as im falling asleep

I want to run my fingers up and down your bare skin. I want to wrap my legs around yours and feel you pull me closer to you

I want go fall asleep and wake up with your scent filling my nose. I want to see your sleepy stares and tired smiles

I want you to steal the blankets from me in the middle of the night and when I try to pull them back, you wrap them around my shoulder

I want you to run your fingers down my spine and kiss me softly. I want you to leave trails of kisses down my neck and my chest. I want you.



                              B.S.

He's everywhere. You can't escape the grasp he has around your entire being.

He's in the last boquet of flowers he gave you which have been sitting on your desk for months. They're about ten shades darker from the first time you set eyes on them. There are fewer petals and they're much more fragile than your mothers fine china.

He's in the last drop of ink of your favorite pen which hasn't been used since the time you wrote about how much he meant to you.

He's in that T-shirt that he left crumpled on the floor in the corner of your bedroom that's stained with your mascara from that time you cried so hard you couldn't breathe. He stayed to try to comfort you, but the night ended with your bare skin whispering, "please don't leave" as his said, "I can't stay for long."

He's in the echo that rings through your ears every time the door slams shut. But it's not the sound of the door that unthreads your heart little by little, it's his voice repeating "goodbye, I'll see you soon." over and over again.

His presence is everywhere, although he isn't physically there. It's not like he ever really was. You sit there and wonder how someone you thought was so beautiful, could have left you with someone so ugly. Heartache and hope. You hope that maybe he'll come back, but you know that he isn't. He was never planning on coming back. All that you have left is the ghost of him, or who you thought he was.



                               B.S.

I remember the first night I met you. You greeted me with a smile, and god, that smile could have ended wars.

That same night, you told me that I'm beautiful accompanied by a "good night" text.

The next few weeks of being with you consisted of the same exact routine.

You seemed almost perfect from what I could  tell.

Every time we were together, it was a little after 11:00 pm and we were always busy laughing and kissing, ignoring the movie you had playing for the past forty five minutes. (Although, it didn't really matter considering you had an awful habit of starting the movie where you left it playing the last time you watched it.)

You finally asked me to turn off your t.v. so it could just be me, you, and the dark.  

We laid there with our bodies pressed together enjoying the silence. I'd feel your fingertips running down my side, to my hip, and you'd slide your hand up the back of my shirt so you could run your hand down the vertebrates of my spine.

You told me that my skin was soft and you couldn't seem to keep your hands off it. If I close my eyes, I can still imagine how it felt to feel your skin on mine. The goosebumps still appear even though I know you're not really here.  

You always had a thing for staring at me far too long for my comfort. I covered your face, you kissed my hand, and after I removed it, you stared at me so intensely for a few more seconds, it was as if you were trying to dig out my secrets.

And don't even get me started about your lips.

Every time you kissed me, it always felt like it would be the last, but it wasn't. The last time you really kissed me, I had no idea I would never feel your velvet lips on mine. I thought you'd stay forever and I'd never have to go a day without kissing you, but boy, did I have a very unpleasant surprise coming my way.

We'd fall asleep in each other's arms every single night we were together, even though we both knew I had to be back in my own bed within the next hour or two. I'd wake up, check the time, and you'd whisper how you didn't want me to leave yet and how you'd miss me too much, but you couldn't stay with me because I had to wake up for class the next morning.

You walked me home every time, even though it was freezing outside and you were exhausted from a long day at work. Our hands were constantly  clasped so tight it seemed as if they had melted together and nothing could get between us. You made sure I was safe before leaving me with a sweet goodbye kiss.

You'd text me when you got back home and would tell me goodnight even though I just saw you ten minutes before that.

My clothes smelled like you. My hair smelled like you. God, even my skin smelled like you. I'd fall asleep with my sleeves pressed up against my nose because it helped me forget that I had to sleep without you for the rest of the night.

I'd wait all day to see you again. The hours dragged on forever. I couldn't wait to be in your arms again. I have never craved someone so badly before. You were different.

Unfortunately, this all came to a halt. I still remember the last night I spent with you. I even remember what outfit I wore. I had no idea I would never see you again. I knew you had to leave for a little while, but not forever.

I lost you.

I didn't know why. I wondered what I did wrong, but come to find, it wasn't me who ****** up. It was you. I didn't understand why you did what you did, but you told me you had your reasons. You had no valid excuse of hurting me, though. You were at a loss for words until I was sending you paragraph after paragraph and you finally had some ******* to come up with.

I hope she was worth it.

I could have loved you. If only you gave me the chance.



                             B.S.

"Stop."
"Why?"
"Please just stop."
"Come on, you'll like it"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Just no."
"I'll make you feel so good."
"Please don't. "
"Tell me why."
"I'm not ready for that."
"I want you so bad."
"That's too bad."
"Come on baby."
"No.......please stop. Please."
"Why aren't you wet baby?"
"...."
"Go down."
"What?"
"Go down."
"No."
"Come on. Please?"
"No."
"Just for a second. Come on babe."
"I don't want to."
"Let me have you."
"No."
"****, please? Just go down for a second"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm not ready. I don't want to."


This is where things got physical and God, let me tell you, I've never felt so violated. I hate myself. I ******* hate myself.



                               B.S

So I have a theory. You know how they say that when you die in a dream, you die in real life? And you know how they say that when you die, your life replays itself? Well what if you think you're dying in a dream, but it's your life replaying itself because you're actually dead and how you died in the dream is how you died in real life and that's the last thing replaying before everything goes black?

                                B.S.

Distance doesn't always
have to be measured in
how far away a person
physically is. Someone
can be sitting right next
to you with their leg
pressed against yours,
and their hand on your thigh
but it can seem like they're
miles away.



                              B.S.

Close your eyes
Take a deep breath
Let it out
Open you eyes
Look them straight in the face
Tell them you love them
Walk away without turning back*


If the person you love is making you feel like you're being held underwater for an ungodly amount of time, here's your sign. Do yourself a favor and let go. It doesn't matter how much you love them because I guarantee they don't love you as much as you love them. They don't care about you as much as you care about them. They're a leech, ******* out every ounce of energy you have left. You don't need them. If it hurts more to tell them you love them than it does to think about what it would be like if you lost them, you need to let go. You need to rip yourself off them like a bandaid. It's going to hurt, but you'll be okay. As a matter of fact, you'll be better off than you were. I promise.*



                                 B.S.

I
could
shower
myself
in
stardust
and
I
still
wouldn't
shine
as
bright
as
her*


                              B.S.

Pretend you love me just for tonight

I would love if people would send me the story about the first time they fell in love. It doesn't have to be about a person. Please please please leave me stories to wake up to.

~Bri