We talked.
We got together.
We drank.
We left together.
We ******.
We slept together.
We dreamed.
We woke up together.
We laughed.

I left.

You never responded to my texts again.

At least you didn't continue
to lead me on.
I don't have to spend the time
asking myself
what's going through your mind.
          (I will anyway,
     but at least I don't have to,
          I'm not drawn in by misleading texts,
     words you tell my friends,
          or more drunken ***)

At least I know I was just a body,
used to keep you warm.

It's been a day,

     It's been a nostalgic day

There are plenty thoughts in my head
To keep me up and awake

You said the right things
          the right way
at the wrong time
     on the wrong day

And now we'll never be okay
Nothing could ever be okay

   Again



.
.
.


Shopping at The Wedge
     I ran into an Ex
We started talking again
   We both only wanted ***
We kept in touch,

               we craved the touch

But I left her again,
          Because it felt like too much

     too soon

Much too soon,
     I couldn't handle being alone
with a lover in the room


(Dot)
(Dot)
(Dot)



Sometimes I'm desperate
Sometimes it's desperate for me
Drowned in a cruet
Sometimes I just need to breath

Oh God, I'm trying
          Why can't you see
Please stop taking everyone
     I love
                          away
from me

We'll go grab some coffee
from the place down the street,
where the old wooden floors
creak just beneath our feet.
Then we'll take our drinks out
for a walk through the park
where the moon shines enough light
to see each other in the dark.
We'll start mixin' things up
with the flask inside my coat.
The breezy wind ain't bad
once the heat hits our throats.
We'll share drinks at a bench,
joke about people passing by
and we'll hide behind trees
passing a bowl, getting high.
We'd explore a bit more
then watch an indie dramedy.
We'd forget about Trainspotting
and focus just on you and me.
We'll lie side by side,
as we will the rest of the night,
thinking of things to add
to the list of things we like
like all the chemicals
that make our bodies hum
and the facts that we are free
and that our nights are always fun.

I've been told
I seem cool 
from a distance,
and that I'm amazing 
if we manage
To get close.
It's too bad, then,
that I never learned 
how to navigate 
the middle grounds.

I know you can't get
from point A 
to point C
without a few trips over
the long winding
bridge
that is point B.
But I can't face my fear
of heights
or of what little is there 
to catch us
should it all collapse.

The fear of heights
Isn't really what it seems,
though.
I'm more afraid 
of waking up one morning
only to realize
I've forgotten how to fly
than of flight itself.

The biggest weakness I have
is my ability to love something
one day
and begin to tire of it
the next.
I find myself getting over
things sooner than I
can find their replacement. 

And I guess, 
amidst the womb 
that is
my ability to bore,
to forget, 
my fear 
of not being caught
developed.

Although I am now medicated
by small bluish-green pills,
I sometimes skip a dose a day
only based upon the hope
that she will speak to me again.

Without the pills my world is
confusing. People don't make sense,
things appear that shouldn't
and I feel things I normally wouldn't.

But to risk walking through
the strange lands that my unbalanced
mind creates would be worth it.
If I were to one day finally see
the woman who speaks so gently into my ear.

Her voice was the sweetest thing
I had ever heard. It was to my ears
as a chocolate strawberry is to my tongue.
It would only ever say nice things to me.

I got lost in a sea of people
And a monkey mask
And although the snow was rollin
She didn't tell, I didn't ask

I'm bad at letting people in
Unless I'm in a different state of mind
But like all the faults I've found
It's bound to fade away with time

I fear I only feel at home
Surrounded by faces I don't know
And that unless I'm in an awkward situation
I'm doomed to always feel so cold

I lost my soul to California
Although I've never been out west
I know the golden state of mind
Of those who think they know me best

I found worth in a sea of people
Caught beneath an avalanche
And although it took some time and courage
I think it's finally worth the chance

You can have the right gameplan
You can win all the rounds
But you still need your chin tucked
Until the final bell sounds

See,
My footwork was perfect
I'd slip in, jab, slip out
And I avoided the takedowns
For most of the bout

The final stanza opened
He came out slingin' leather
So I stuck to the outside
I've been taught to know better

I should've pushed for the finish
But I thought I'd play it safe
When I woke up after the fifth
Coach asked if I knew my name

I told him, "what happened?"
I asked him, "I'm fine."
The cage was still spinning
And I couldn't clear my mind

"You got caught, kid
But it could be much worse
You could be leavin' Las Vegas
In the back of a hearse."

I felt so disappointed
Like I let everyone down
My trainers, my family
And everyone in my hometown

Then he smiled at me
"But you were saved by the bell!
Running on instincts alone
You made it through Hell."

The fog began to roll back
I could make out the cheers
I guess hard work and dedication
Paid off through the years

So just remember this story
The next time you're in doubt
You may find yourself down
But never count yourself out

I'm not as cool
or as lame
as some would lead you to think
I'm not as calm
or hotheaded
as most people would say
I'm not as lost
or as focused
as I'd claim to be
I'm not as sad
or as happy
as the person I play

I'm just me
and I'm ****** good
at being
what they want me to be.

You've got greed on your mind
and may have better things to do,
but we've seen grander sights
and have had better nights than you.

I have a closet full of costumes
yet not a single ****** disguise,
I can forever change my shape
buy I'll always keep these eyes.
I know I look worse for the wear,
I swear it's from nights spent on the move.
How do I know when the limits been reached
with no one there to disapprove?

We ambled 'home' through the streets
and arrived, just me and you.
We found comfort in the sheets
soft and smooth as scar tissue.
But If home is where the heart is
where do the heartless rest their head?
I guess I'll never know the truth
and tonight will bring no rest.

I'll keep stumbling around
until the crowds fail to gather
or a woman comes to my side;
I lie about preferring the latter.
And I've stumbled onto hard times
but caught myself before the cliff
and yet I took another step,
just for the simple sake of it.

Dead men speak with fallen angels.
Blind men in the silent presence of fate.
Ride the waves of a sea long forgotten.
The deep blue of her eyes covers the hate.

Oh God, what a conscious man I've been.

A peaceful autumn breeze and me at seventeen
Both of us kicking leaves, killing time at the ravine
When suddenly it all hits me


Nothing is as it seems


I grew up an angry kid,
Punk-rock was all I did
Black t-shirts, with harsh swear words,
Growing up - the only thing it hid

Fifty miles in my moms car, thinking that was so **** far
A small crowd packed in a dingy bar
All to wait for dimming lights, stage-dives, fist fights
We'd sing the songs all ******* night,
It made us feel like we were right

But nothing'd ever change

The world doesn't hear fifty young voices,
Bold flavored shirts don't change others' choices
Besides, the concrete walls drowned out most of our noises
No one could see our radical views,
Nobody else thought it was anything new,
But it was what we chose to do

2007, that's the year I grew

I see old friends posting pictures,
Now they look like aging hipsters,
Still wearing the black tops,
Still hanging at the same record shops
"Glory never fades if you never leave it"
But some of us just need change,
Goals to move towards,
Something to believe in
And some get stuck in what they're doing
If they’re happy then there's no sense moving

No reason for turning the page
Some people never change

Sweep these thoughts under your sheets
so you can sleep on them for now.
Do they draw daggers to your sleeves,
or are they light as a cloud?
What paintings have you drawn up of me,
what image do I draw in your mind?
Should we keep dancin' like the breeze
or will you bury me with time?
Am I someone that you'd keep,
like a secret, close to you?
Am I something that you need,
a new refreshing point of view?
'Cause I don't know where I am,
and I was hoping you'd help me
find the right direction
to a little home up in the trees.
A place to see the stars at night,
a place to find a little peace.
A place to raise some children right,
away from drugs and from t.v..
And when they've all grown up,
with dreams of different things to see,
they'll realize they had it rough
compared to life in the city.
But they'll be better for it
and they'll be thankful for me
so when I'm layin' in my death bed
I'll know I did at least 
one 
good 
thing.

Well,
four parts to be exact

I left three chunks of skin

And my old favorite hat

We drank too much Svedka
As we waded in the banks

The broken glass inside my hand
Was the closest thing to "thanks"

Four in the morning,
Too drunk for the E.R.

The stitches you put in my hand
Will forever leave a scar

You said letting yourself go
Was the best way to spend the day

But Katie, when I look at you
I only see someone who's run away

I thought I could help you find a home
Behind the Minnehaha Falls and flats

But I think I only lost myself

And, of course, my favorite hat

You're going to make a life
Even if it kills you
The irony, a silver bullet,
Is hollow tipped and true
I've become a conscience,
The Hand of the Queen, a guide
The whisper of a realist
With nothing more to hide
We've found the perfect balance
Between a balanced mind and something new
We've lost ourselves in time
And now all we need is truth

Just because I stumble doesn't mean I'll fall
Just because you have touched the skies
It doesn't make you tall

We sat together.
We sat alone, but together.
Not alone in the sense
that we weren't together,
but alone in the sense that
it was just us.

We talked for hours
About our dreams
and our goals.
We revealed our frailties
and our nightmares.
We talked about the hours
that passed as we talked.

We fell for each other
as we joked about how
foolish things are
like love and fear;
like anger and confusion.
We foolishly joked
about falling for each other.

We pictured a life together
where finances didn't matter,
only that we were in love.
We pictured our children,
our cats and our dogs.
At least thats how I picture us
picturing us.

We sat together.
We sat alone, but together.
I mistook your love
for friendship at first
just as you mistook my friendship for love.
A mistake I made, thinking it was real
until the moment that I finally woke up.

Sometimes I think
we're upside down
because I can count
every single pound
of six point six
sextillion tons
of the worlds weight
one by one.

Though some of the time
it's in my hands
it's usually on my back
and hard to stand;
maybe that's why
my spine tends to hurt
and the reason my palms
get caked with dirt.

His Achilles heel
is that he's all thumbs
Good looks, has style
but always been a bit dumb
So he's learned to bite the bullet
until he bites the dust
The greatest trick he ever pulled:
Convincing them
he was one of us

But it's been a bit much

So he popped the clutch

And now he's out of touch

It's just dawned on me:
all these houses are too close together
and all these rooms are full.
I have nowhere that I can scream to myself
without somebody close by knowing
that I'm not okay.

There's no upside to dying
over trying to live this down
Our lucks been running dry
while we've waited this one out
The prince is told to wear
a jagged thorn-filled crown
While the king refuses to explain
what his life was all about

"I bet I'll get free drugs"

                    Is dignity so cheap?

A never ending itch
I can only ever start to scratch
Scared of being scared,
Like backing out of a suicide pact
I surround myself with people
who don't know any better than me
A sea of others gasping for air -
The only place I've ever learned to breathe
I numb myself to their level
Until a comfort washes over me
Surrounded by unlocked minds,
Tying mine down to feel free
I'm drowning in an ignorance
While my best friend eats his LSD
He says I'm trying to run away
By rooting here, like a tree

A map unfolds the way
I think I'm supposed to take
Yet I'll just lay here all day
Until fate shakes me awake

I'm over this, but I can't get out
Loosen the ego in oatmeal cream stout
I'm over this, I can no longer get lost
But I'm already here,

                              so I'll do my best

No matter the cost

Nothing more than something to look at
Nothing more than a stake in the ground


Nothing more
          than movements in the wind

I don't need someone
who understands me,
I need someone
who understands
that I am content in my understanding
that they may not always
understand.

Empathy found me at a very young age.


Am I making sense?
Do you understand?

You are the answer
You are the question
You are indulgence
And you are mass discretion
I am the student
I am the teacher
I am the sinner
And I am the preacher
You are the rabbit
You are the fox
You are both inside
And outside the box
I'm empty pockets
with future wealth
I am acknowledgment
with assassin like stealth
We are practically strangers
Yet we know each other so well
We're riding high on Ferris wheels
While on our own carousel
We are together
Yet at times far apart
We know not where we end
But we know where we would start

She tried the fiery reds
like love, hearts
and the end of cigarettes
Like the sun rising on a brand new day
But she's tried too much
and they've become a cold, sad grey

Like an elephant
who remembers acquaintances from the past
revisiting their graves
like an old iconoclast

She once tried all of the blues
Tight ripped jeans and salty rivers
for a lover, their eyes the same hue
She even tried to swim out into the ocean spray
But she's tried too much
and they've become a bleak, empty grey

Like the clouds of a storm
on the Fourth of July
******* the joy from
explosions in the sky

She confided at times in the colors brown
The pitch of her own eyes, of sand
and her old hometown
She tried to sculpt her feelings in clay
But she's tried too much
and they've become a dry, calloused grey

Like stones of a castle
built to keep others out
She's locked away in her tower
with a head full of doubt

I hear that, these days, she dabbles in black
Like emptiness, nightmares,
and crooked witch hats
Not unlike the swan in the ballet
But at least this is one color
that will never turn grey

If you'll hope for hope
I'll hope that I can, too.
Between the towers and the marble
something drew me to you.

Because you're trying to get something.
I think that it's inner peace.
but you won't find that here,
no you won't, not in me.

And even if I were right,
you would tell me that I'm wrong.
You don't want a man to save you,
just someone who plays along.

So I've stopped answering the questions;
I side with you in false awe.
But wonder and adventure
are both dishes best served raw.

I've introduced you to my friends,
we've all danced the nights away.
And yet I still feel lonely
when you ask why I can't stay.

You haven't put that much together
to not have an answer by now.
It either means you're empty headed
or a tease, but I'm in doubt.

You just don't feel this way,
not as often as me.
And if that's the case,
then I guess we'll never be.

Girl, I still feel alone
when you ask me to stay
because I still feel alone
each and every other day.

See, a man needs something
that he can hold on to,
and that's either his chivalry
or a woman like you.

Yeah, it's either a bottle
or a woman like you.

You know, it's either his faith
or a woman like you.

I swear, life sure gets hard
without a woman like you.

All the time, defined by enemy lines,
And all that's on my mind is lies
On lies
On lies

Aye-aye!
                    Tough fight!
Heavy eyes!
           God given rights!

I wanna be someone that you believe
that you'll believe
that you believe in

I wanna hear something that I think
you'll mean
even though you think, right now,
you couldn't possibly mean it

Two nights in a row
with the sun coming up
I thought one was an outlier
but two is more than enough
As Roger Murtaugh would say:
I'm getting too old for this ****
But you keep swinging away;
you must be some wunderkind

I guess you'll never be done
Being this young
When your friends keep you up
By acting so numb

But I guess this is 'fun'...

We had no idea the kind of plan they'd constructed
It seemed like any other night until the gunshots erupted
We had no idea that they would come by the sea
It's like they knew exactly where our weakness would be

We awoke in the quarters that they let us share
In less than a minute, we were dressed and prepared
We passed Captain Troy, Composed Mike and Voltaires
We chased down our checkpoint as they headed for theirs

We got past the doors and down the east gate
We passed a few bodies, now resting in fate
Out in the horizon were blazing, sinking ships
Reminiscent of the feeling that this could be it

It was the final battle of this three year feud
A ****** war zone - confined in youth
Endless explosions rained over me and you
The last thing illuminated would be the truth

We finally met our squad at the watchtowers base
When I noticed the calming assurance on your face
We all loaded our guns to await your command
When a shooting star fell just as you raised your hand

The bomb went off and left me shaking my head
But that's better than those injured, unconscious, and dead
You yelled and reminded me to do what it took to survive
To not pity the others, not while we were still alive

Just as you told all the women and men to fall back
Our group was ambushed, caught in the sneak attack
They grabbed you first and you said, 'I love you, now run!
This war isn't over, they haven't yet won!'

So I rushes inside, barred the doors behind me
Where the crippling pain brought me to one knee
They came and they pillaged, they took you in the night
But I wiped the tears from my eyes, and got ready to fight

There were a few other soldiers, one friend I knew well
I sight for sore eyes, he could compose himself
We held the main hall, it was our prison cell
with the enemy at our door, we prepared for hell

Mike was at the window, "oh god, we've been betrayed"
When the doors swung open and life was dismayed
A few shots were fired, there was no time to reload
But we don't turn tail and run, we took the warriors road

The infantry men trapped Mike who began to weep
As the bayonet blade sunk its edges in deep
He screamed out to me "Things are not as they seem"
The rest of us kick,
we bite,
we scratch,
and we screamed

Oh dear lord, how loudly we screamed





The final bastion broken, our defenses crumbled
With a sword to our throats we kneel to be humbled
I look up to meet my executioner, and her cold view
A mans last words killed the surprise, I knew it was you


The blade cuts clean
Just as your lies do

Sometimes, what's left behind
is better than what was there in the first place

I'm soft-spoken.
But
Words
I say
Carry a
Heavy
Weight.

We're loaded like a six shooter
Six ***** to the hammer
and we empty again
We've been playing Russian roulette
and now it's your turn
to put us up to your head
And like a song about
how life is like a song
I'll keep this to the point
it won't go on for too long
The chamber revolves
the chorus is the click
We're both in a better place
once the breakdown finally hits

I started to shave my beard from my face
Because someone had said that it had changed
But I was afraid that my youth had passed
So now I just have a mustache

How can something
Taste so absolutely
As if it's nothing

You can't just walk into the fire
  You'd burn up like paper tigers

                  No,

You must run into the fire
   -  I swear you'll burn much brighter

Oh hell
Hell no
No way
Way to go
We've only got a little bit further
'Til we get through the snow

Right on
On guard
Guards are up
Up in arms
It took you time to see
That this is part of our charm

We head back
Back down
Down and out
Out on the town
You look just like a starry sky
In that new night gown

More drinks
Drink it up
Up and down
Down the cup
Just a little bit more
and I swear that's enough

I like you
You like me
Me and you
You can see
Even if it doesn't last
For right now, it's meant to be

We get home
Home run
Run away
Away and done
If I am truly your moon
Than you must be my sun

We lay here
Here in my space
Spacing out
Out of the race
I hold your body close
So you'll find comfort in my place

In my arms
Arms race
Racing hearts
Hearts and spades
I will cherish this moment
Even when the warmth fades

Burn down the ice caps over my eyes
Your flamethrower love is powered by lies
Scorching the earth in search of the truth
I'm proven guilty without the proof

I search for the entrance of the maze in your heart
But the bigger journey, so far, is just finding where to start

From the hip
A tragic slip
Yet you still don't remember me
One shot
Not for naught
But it doesn't make me bleed
Like a fly
On your eye
Though it's something you can't see
But a glitch -
A phantom itch
Just one is all I'd need

We're free

Be new here and question
     What it all could mean for you
Become familiar here and marvel
     At all that you can learn
Earn a space here and discover
     Through your errors and failed attempts,
          Your shortcomings
Spend enough time here and realize
     Everybody falls short somewhere
Spend more time here and theorize
     Your wounds mean far more than any others
Grow up here and fortify
     Your weaknesses into strengths
          Your scars into shields
Grow old here and know
     Your scars weigh much less with time
          It's the scars of those close to you
     That become the burden
Grow wise here and learn
     Your wounds mean far less than any others
Die here and understand
     The body is just a vessel

          Eventually,
     It all fades away

Like a lion made of paper mâché
Caught up in an earthquake
They think I look so brave
But I fall apart on shaky days

I'm doin my best to just be friends
but while watching the sky tonight,
just us two,
I wished on both
those shooting stars
for you

Old habits die marred
Especially during scarred times
When you need a more unfamiliar bed
Than the one found in soft rhymes
Sometimes comfort is found in uncomfortable places
I've never found it in familiar faces
Sometimes it's found in the strangest of spaces
And others it's found in uptempo paces

A hold up a minute
Just to waist a second
Killing thyme with a vegan
Who feeds upon my meat
I'm picking up good libations
She's giving me exaltations
We're stalking hand in hand
In the intersection of a bustling heat

She gave me her throat-like throne
Just to take away my crown
Slipping through a crack in the floor, bored
We forget all proper nouns
We haven't sent out one invitation
Yet we're throwing parties in a ghost town
From dusk 'til it dawned on us
From sun up until the son set us down

We feast

You wake up,
in a world moving too slow
to ever be significant,
and while laying in your bed
you realize something:

Nothing's changed, except who you're *******

---

Twenty years later,
you wake up in a different bed
horrified by a single thought:

Everything's changed, except who you're *******

I forget that you still don't know
That I am so forgetful

And that's one of the things
I think
that I like about you

I know they say it in the movies
but I don't think it's true
I think this town is plenty big enough
to both handle me and you

The roads may not be paved
at least not in gold and dreams
But that's stuffs never nearly as good
as they try to make it seem on the T.V.

Hearing you question your life
Made me quest in mine

I'd bet the world,
if it were mine to bet,
That the flavors of your lips
would open themselves,
one by one,
Like the chapters of a book
about a sad girl
who swears
that she doesn't want to be saved

Like having the courage,
but being far from a lion,
I have no straw man,
but a heart to stitch
I have a great mind
Yet it's over oiled
And I've wandered the road
In search of all I've missed

I don't look like a night tremor
But I am
Oh, I am
I don't look like the Fisher King
But I am
Oh, I am
I don't look like a night tremor
But when you dream of fields
I am the burning emmer
I don't look like the Fisher King
But when I lost my mind
it seems I gained everything

I know you'll be waiting, still wild as a fire,
At the pearly gates
Still cracking jokes and swinging bats
So very nineteen ninety-eight
Pinching **** from underwear drawers
Of the patron ****** saints
And teaching all the angels
How to pull your favorite pranks

Pull out that flask from your white robe
This one's for you, my favorite ghost,
You always said Hell was at the end of your road
But I think that we both know

For once, you're looking down on me