As the rain dives onto my window,
it puts its mouth up against the glass
and screams the unnerving truth;

I am long passed being somebody's rose
I've been picked and left to be pressed in a book
I don't have roots to keep me stable in the ground as the wind blows
I've been dried out and left to die.
Forgotten.

they used to tell me that i try too hard to be grown up.
i'm always questioning, calculating, planning.
walking in shoes too big for my feet,
and then wondering why i trip.
sometimes i feel like i can't help it when i
fall
so
hard,
but then i remembered that i forgot to tie the laces.
i remember that i live in metaphors.
making excuses and avoiding the present.
i try so hard to prepare for the future
that i forget to fix what's happening now,
or even to be happy with it.
i don't remember to feed my cat because
i'm too stressed trying to figure out
how to pay for her next bag.
i forgot my "see you later"
because i'm choking on "goodbye."
i need you to help me grip onto
what's here and what's now.
i need you to hold my hand.
please don't forget that i need you,
even when i don't know how to say it.

our first kiss was a promise,
a promise that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
it was just something we'd mentioned, wanted,
but never thought to follow through with.
it was meant to soothe the pain between us,
your body and my heart, or maybe the other way around.
but in the end, we were left with nothing
but the cigarette smell on your jacket
and the person i needed to crawl back to.

our second kiss was commisery,
both of us scrubbed raw and bleeding.
ironic, how we just rubbed salt in the wounds.
they say it makes it better but it always just hurts.
to keep the ***** out of our mouths,
we just kept them busy,
like somehow our state of mind would care
that we were in public and that shame doesn't mean
a lack of composure.

our third kiss was a compromise,
a final pinky-swear that maybe we won't off ourselves after all
[but promise you'll leave me a note if you do].
somehow we traded off pain,
and i shouldered your stories while you brushed off mine.
i told you i'd try to get it together,
you told me you'd try not to fall in love.
hopefully you kept your end of the bargain,
because at least one of us needed to.

Now that it's June, we'll sleep out in the garden
and if it rains we'll just sink into the mud
where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is
And there is no clocks or phones to wake us up
because I have learned that nothing is as pressing
as the one who is pressing would like you to believe
And I am content to walk a little slower
because there is nowhere that I really need to be
I find that life is easier when it is just a blur
with no details to confuse who or what or where I was
So when the ending comes, the full regret will seem obscure

But these are the days we dream about when the sunlight paints us pure
and this apartment could not be prettier as when we danced up there alone
This TV is old, the color is ******, do you see
the difference in the shades?
But the green is still close to green, my love
and I believe we are the same
and we'll stay like this, all green and gold
The light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen
and if you close your eyes
we will always be the way we were that night
You crawled inside of me
and you slept in my blood, the way you sleep now
The quietest hush has consumed this house
and when the doctors are gone and you sweat through the bed
with all these pictures and pills they piled around your head
Just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything
Was it just a dream?
It's too vague now to recount
An outline of the one you loved in a life that was not longer will be stands
above you as you sleep.