.

I’m usually sad when it rains

and as I walk today

all alone

feeling it hit
my shoulders

like so many tear drops

I understand why

.

What the hell is wrong with me,
where does this circus come from
Three rings that seem to open new tents in my mind
Dark tents filled with wild and dangerous thoughts,
pacing in a cage, waiting to be released
Yeah, you just try and make me
jump through one of those fiery hoops,
see where your head ends up and where
that whip is shoved

Sawdust everywhere as I parade around
Fluffing my feathers, thinking I know,
Proud ain’t even close to how I feel
as I swing from the trapeze,
sequins glistening,
looking for the meaning, the why
I keep asking why…why as I once again
light the fuse with cotton candy fingers,
shot from a cannon, screaming,
there is no net, not for me, not for these thoughts

Open this door and let me out,
I’m stuffed in this little car
with a bunch of clowns, painted on smiles
big floppy shoes and ****, they are all me
(Send in the clowns, I hate that song)
and I hate these thoughts
Juggled about, like so many *****
flying through the air, never touching the ground
and there they are, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
children of all ages, staring, laughing, pointing,
shoveling popcorn in their faces
then running in fear as these thoughts
escape confinement once again

Don’t you get it, can’t you see,
this is real, this is me
I love, I love deeply, I can’t guess your weight
but I can feel you rummaging for tickets
in my heart and all I have is for you
Free admission, stop by the petting zoo,
Share a branch with a giraffe, share
Share, wow, maybe that’s it,
maybe that’s why I smile
when the tents come down
heading for another place

another town

another time

send out the clowns

.............

I guess you just never know
when it is going to happen
one day here, bright blue skies
cool breezes and then ****, gone

What were the thoughts, those thoughts
things you were planning on saying
when the time was right
It was never right, or was it

In a flash, self promises become regrets
wishes end and dreams disappear
if those things still exist
when you don’t

And what is the next step
crying for all of those things
or nothing becomes your world
and the darkness is darker

Free-falling, wondering
if what is left behind cares
probably not, you aren’t and never were
and never will be again

It comes, when you least expect it
You go, when you least expect it
So, expect it……………..

.

Of broken branch and multi-colored stone façade
the pathway steals my outward glance
Winding through the cottage hills
like kite string freed by a strong wind, it spills
Patterns shadow in abstract array
through barbed wire and solid steel
barricades, creating menacing shapes,
criss-crossing narrow wheel ruts of long ago

Obstacles, of stead and stood,
branded in a wilting wood
directions carved to empty me of all I know as good

Within my chest sits a living compass,
beating my quest in a never ending melody,
sweet as caramel cream pie and pointing
towards the sun, which sits before me
two hills above the horizon on this new day
Temptation beckons over my right shoulder,
whistling in the breeze of delicious
offerings, and I do hunger

Take your glow of nectarines
cool refreshing summer streams
for I shan’t waver, not an inch, her love calls in my dreams

Midday, as the solar glow finds my shoulders red
and sweat clings like life in dampened conclusions,
blisters form bringing the pain of decisions made before
and I would have it no other way, for this I deserve
Mountains faced of fractured stone break my crawl,
rubble sweeps my feet, as my knees bleed,
thirst speaks in the language of a long feared enemy,
yet I do not listen…

State your case in hammered stone
tear my skin of broken bone
no tethered vines of loneliness shall sway me from my home

My shadow now waits before me, long and slender,
molded by dried weathered foot prints, my foot prints,
once heading a direction opposite my heart
Many years old yet still their outline remains as a warning,
When I see it, the lilac arbor, scented in old desires and
new in life, encasing a glow, melodies of gold finch song
as my eyes find your smile, an extended hand, a soft touch
I have found my way home, to you

*Decisions made along the way
mistaken steps of lost array
when found my every dream it longs within your arms to stay

.

A daffodil sang
love songs

to a lonely butterfly

as we shared a kiss
among the tulips

while listening