Razors pain you, little cuts here and there.
You feel a sting in the shower, it hurts you knew it was going to happen, it always hurts after you cut.
But right after you feel a little relief, the high never lasts long enough.
I drag the blade across my skin again, hoping to get enough courage to press down.

It hurts to smile, I’m tired.
I want to die today, what’s new.
I’m sorry I’m not happy again mom.
I want to be your little girl again, even then I wasn’t happy though.
I try to hurt myself on the outside, to **** my demons in the inside.
I hadn't realized I would still be addicted to harming the outside of my body after 3 years.
I want everything to be ok, it never has been though and it never will be.
I have lost hope.

She called me Honey Bee, that was my nickname.
If I could hear her call me that one more time I would be happy.
If I could touch her beautiful hair one more time, I would be happy.
If I could tell her I’m sorry and say I love her, I would be happy.
If I could tell her how much she means to me, I would be happy.

I woke up this morning, the sun greeting me happily.
I rubbed my eyes and for some reason I started thinking about you.
I started thinking about you, I’m worried I can’t remember what you use to call me.
Am I forgetting finally? Is it over, will I no longer be tortured by your memory?

Kids table, I’m sitting here with the kids, again.
I hear the adults sitting in the other room chatting.
I wish I could sit with the adults, I usually do but tonight I have to sit with my two cousins.
I’m bored, I sit slowly eating my food.
Looking around, my cousin starts laughing my other cousin is making weird sounds.
I start laughing also, I can’t stop laughing.
If you are sitting at the kids table, we should give you a warning.
It is messy at this table.
You will laugh about stupid ****.
You will feel like a child again, isn’t that a nice feeling?
Warning, you will never want to go back to the adult table after sitting with the kids.
Isn’t it funny how much I wish I were at the adults table?
Why would I want to sit with them?
The adults talk about politics and war.
Depressing isn’t it?
They talk about the news and a new mass shooting.
Adults, were once kids can you believe it?
Sometimes though it is nice to go back to your roots and sit with kids.
Kids will be honest with you; kids will tell you how it is.
Kids, they will laugh and **** without apologizing.
Kids haven’t been ruined by the world yet, not yet.
Hopefully they will never be ruined by the world.
I use to be a kid, I was ruined and I had a lot of life struggles.
Reality came too fast and ruined my childhood.
Sitting at the kids table helped me though, I'm glad I sat here tonight.