Starving Artist

Starving Artist Mar 2018

Hunger is the action of stabbing the fat kid I once was and still am.

Each time my stomach rumbles and churns I stab that kid in the stomach.

Hoping to rid this "sinful character" (as others called it) out of my life.

In hopes that I can replace him with an improved version.

Starving Artist Mar 2018

You...

I fell for you.
I fell hard.
I did my best not to because
I'm not the one who deserves someone like you.
It ***** because I didn't want to ruin what
we already had.
And I knew you wouldn't feel the same.
But I couldn't help it.
I'm so sorry.

I ****** up.

Starving Artist Feb 2018

...

I just didn't want you to see me the way I saw myself.

But now you do.

Starving Artist Feb 2018

Hunger

Hunger scares me.

I am scared of the comfort it gives me.

I am scared of the pride I feel each time my stomach rumbles.

I am scared of the success that I feel when I don't eat.

But most of all, I am scared of how ok I am with this hunger.

Starving Artist Feb 2018

Like A Fire

You took over my mind like a wildfire.

A fire that is full of beauty and safety.

Yet it is full of danger and destruction.

You filled me with warmth and like a fire, on a frigid winter's night you heated me up inside.

On my worst days your arms wrapped around me like how a flame envelopes a tree.

You evaporated my tears and left only happiness.

And with each flicker of light, caused by your flaming presence, you made me feel safe from the darkness that was surrounding me.

The wildfire burning inside me was only fueled by these happy memories we kept sparking.

But like a wildfire, it got out of control.

It got too strong and you ran away terrified.

And that's what burned me to my roots and left nothing but the ashes of the person I once was.

Maybe that's what they meant, "Don't play with fire."

Why did you have to leave?

Starving Artist Feb 2018

Fat.

F
A
T

A three letter word.

However "fat" is more than just a word.

Fat is a label.

A label that is filled with so much hatred and disgust.

A label that has so graciously been bestowed upon me.

A label that I am stuck with and carry around like a disease.

It's a label that has defined me for years and still does to this day.

Fat.

I'm the fat friend that people avoid.

I'm the fat kid that gets picked last for things.

I'm the fat friend that people are embarrassed to be around.

I'm the fat kid that will never be good enough.

I'm that fat kid.

And nothing is going to change this title that has been placed upon
my head like a crown of thorns.

Nothing.

Not even:
Starving,
Exercising,
Purging,
Restricting.

Nothing.

And this label has tainted my image like the black paint that touches the surface of water and spreads like a virus.

I am no longer more.

I have been stripped of all other labels.

I am that fat kid.

F
A
T

Fat.

— The End —