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May 2020 · 76
doubt & dreams
Starlight May 2020
I've heard these words sung
in every life
I've ever touched
and this
quarrelsome
touch
of the love we need
of the warmth we crave
shunned
shivered
pruned, and carved, and withered
a skull made in my own name
staring to
this pearl of dreams
this orb of truth
I see my face
and I,
happy-shrunk
hung from
tethers
I'd never name
to long for the touch of
a hungry man's wish
and I curl my fists
the words etched in stone
plaqued on my wall
dirges of a future haul
and my mind flicks back
and screams in blood
because there is
numbers written
on my grave
and I fear
the day
that I forget
my name
Apr 2020 · 188
getting there
Starlight Apr 2020
So fresh the pain
The words clog my fingertips
So new the wound
I can barely stomach anything
A challenge, fine reader
For a knight like you
To find the words, to express
Your deepest pool of loneliness
I can't, but feel, the words that flow
So brutish in their relentless fury
Today is not the day to speak them
All I feel is untapped power
Starlight Apr 2020
My suspicious brain is counting faults again
Like time, that ticks, so thick and true
I can count on my silly brain, and you
The twisted truth that haunts my glow
I am the oldest antidote
That lingers in my own flesh and blood
Litter lips, frittered love
Apr 2020 · 64
first love
Starlight Apr 2020
she's crawled back through the thin film of my skull
the fleshy thoughts made from home
and once
back when sun was smiles
when history writ itself for miles
and I could sing like divine treatises
I'd held her hand, our fingertips like petal lips
and now
all black, and blue, and cold
my shivered heart
my hungry wolfish brain
it starves for that from whence it came
and I picture, my beauty, my oldest soul
the moon burrowed beneath my skin
the sun, bright, and silken, and harsh
that had told me words I'd feared so oft
I remember my last year's love
and now
the only way we touch
through memory and old sentiments
I'll wait as long as she'll let me
until the pain
consumes
us both
Apr 2020 · 73
Grott
Starlight Apr 2020
Down in the belly of my beast
I slit my eyes
I key my teeth
Sharp, and thick, and fat, and creep
The walls are gum
Fade, and sluice, and slither on
My shoulders rise in prowling stance
I court the darkness for a dance
And whisper not, the final kin
For words are valueless
To the lost ilks of murk
And their leaded dogs
Apr 2020 · 56
Electrified
Starlight Apr 2020
Body thrums
A housed hive
Fingers climb
Sky's light
Mar 2020 · 388
Gregorian Chant
Starlight Mar 2020
Under the moonlit stage
a stagnant rhythm plays
and my tiger hears the call
folding out his teeth
and I luck the words I know
and this pulsing fury grows
until all sound is shouts
all heard and left unremarked
I am the tiger in the dark
Mar 2020 · 100
Creative chaos
Starlight Mar 2020
I am a reckless writer
I plan no poems
I throw myself
violent
hardy
head-first into the words
as the world roars around me
let them consume me
let my mind run
Mar 2020 · 86
Drapes
Starlight Mar 2020
Poems can't hold the pounds of words I want to spill
It's absorbed all the linguists it can take by now
I've got nothing left, nothing good
My gums hurt, my beds hotly humid,
I'm weighed down, the rage has abandoned me once more,
I can't cope like this, when even my coping tastes like defeat.

I stay home and sty my own attempts to leave
I'm out on a mission to block all the exits
like the opposite of a safety sergeant
and the flames are crawling up the walls
like assassins in their pitch black suits of night
and I can't breathe in this air while I'm burning my own mask.
Mar 2020 · 70
Opium
Starlight Mar 2020
I swallowed my tongue
but I didn't choke down

Seagulls whispered their prayers
in that funny chip-stealing way of theirs
those opposite eyes
and burning beaks
they flew me down

I took the ocean
one swing, gone
I burned it to the ground
and although that seems fake
everything does these days
Mar 2020 · 73
Freight
Starlight Mar 2020
I'd wish my life away if I knew how,
just click,
hands poised,
world already spun,
all the hard bits over with.
Mar 2020 · 61
Hold
Starlight Mar 2020
The story,
imprinted like carved stone.

I've seen this in eyes at school,
in reflected minds,
the symptoms,
the wrongness,
the drowning deaths,
so delicate like bird-bones.

I know all the phrases off by heart,
all the warning signs,
the hair that grows like fields of grass,
the concave skull, the carved out eyes,
the numbers, ticking on and on.

Just because I've read the book doesn't mean I can't stop myself.

I still want to be the protagonist,
and it hurts,
it will hurt more,
but I'm a ****** for making problems
to solve
and I can't quite swallow
how long it'll take to bounce
when I hit the ground
running.
Mar 2020 · 77
Circumspect
Starlight Mar 2020
The years we've known together,
they linger on, like words we've held in.

Reality lived up to standards I'd set only in dreams,
That conversation,
So long that we were scared to sleep,
and wake,
and never speak again.

In the hidden cracks that night-time holds,
we held the same secret
in entwined hands
and I knew you too had seen
my own enemy

A startled sensation
that travels,
skates and skimps and scampers
all the way from my bones,
to muscles,
to the freckles of my goosebumps.

What misery it is to be understood,
to finally speak aloud your darkest calling,
to be in that finest, closest embrace,

and then reflect,
a month later,
in the chill of night,

It didn't make a difference, after all.
Mar 2020 · 435
Mendacious
Starlight Mar 2020
A lie,
I say,
unwonted.

Iconoclast to
my own
stability.

I wish
I knew
when the
fire
reached my
own
fingers.

I wish
I knew
the smell
of
burnt
flesh.

I am
watching myself
tied to this
vengeful stake
and clapping,
slowly,
almost realising,
that I am
the
match.
Mar 2020 · 58
Euphonics
Starlight Mar 2020
It is a sad realisation
when you remember
that you are perfectly capable
of extraordinary talents

I ring this bell
today, and forever
and I come to the door
but I do not let myself in
Mar 2020 · 94
Slow burn
Starlight Mar 2020
It is a sharp pain
stab-like
intense and
unaccountable

The boiling bubbles over
A crow taunts from silken skies
I SCREAM outwards
shockwaves trembling at their own forces

But it is a pithy pain
an instant retreat
the anger fizzles like steam smothered by rain
I smell the indolent petrichor
this after-taste of after-rain
and the doleful waking death returns
a smooth decent to sleep beneath the flames
the choked-throat ash

I am the biblioklept of my own diary
and as I scour the stolen words,
I cry,
because I do not recognise their meanings
the one limpid fury has dimmed
to such dolour and that all colour is sapped
and the world, painted in shades of grey
in its own dilatory helpfulness
does not bother to weep for me, either

I reify this idea of living
as if life is actually a moving form
but in these bewitched static seconds
of frightened rage to doused sorrow
I see the blackness between the stars
and the finite that lingers in the infiinite's wings
like a shard between ribs of steel

and I recall
in my words of fulsome wisdom
that even steel one day melts
and only but rubble can remain
Dec 2019 · 90
Death Omen
Starlight Dec 2019
Stoke the fire,
Fan the flames,
Our burning souls,
Should never dim,
If those who heard,
Did see their Grim.
Dec 2019 · 143
Dance with Death
Starlight Dec 2019
Fellow warriors,
I hope to see you here,
in breath,
and pulse,
once more,
before I see you in Valhalla.

The prize,
you see,
could be merriment,
could be sanity,
is a worthy banquet,
and I do pray,
that you do fight,
to live,
another day.
Oct 2019 · 73
honeycomb
Starlight Oct 2019
Carmine
a flash flood of liquor
hacking coughs
and haunted head injuries

Let me sleep
honey
honey
saccharine, I don't care
just let my eyes close
and mind click down to a dull din

I can hear your thoughts
the walls
the clock
ants, running, running
I am the centre of a hivemind
buzz, buzz
Aug 2019 · 93
My heart; the escapist
Starlight Aug 2019
I pour the contents of my heart's whim onto paper
it shrivels with fear
beating like the chittering teeth of a freezing Eskimo
I poke it,
ever cautious,
with a long pointed stick
It shudders
flinches
jumps five whole feet
as if struck by lightning
I decide to replace the poor hairy beast
opening up my chest,
reconnecting all the loose wires,
and closing the whiny mechanical door.
The hinges squeal like hungry piglets
I burp, and say, "Ah, s'just heartburn."
Aug 2019 · 100
Dirty
Starlight Aug 2019
Jammed
like the last clean place in the dishwasher
like the ugly foot on your war-paint totem pole
like the mollusc meets mantelpiece decoration stuck on your windowsill
Snow drifts
as fine as the combed hair on your head
sweeter than sugar
more damning than dandruff
as hard as the head of a coconut which you
hit, again and again, with the **** end of a hammer
Bang. Bang. Bang.

The sound jars
on the off beat
sounds like mars
meets
penguin feet
but you dance
caught
in the headlights
in the sway
you're your own one man James Bond villain
and you love to watch the spotlight flicker to dusk
and the end credits to roll
with that tune,
stuck
jammed
twisted like the rusty end of a bagel knife
into the rusty end of your brain case

Ba dum dum, ba dum dum
feel it
in your feet

ba dum dum, ba dum dum
we'll never know
when we might again
meet.
Aug 2019 · 105
The Wall
Starlight Aug 2019
indefatigable
they say there is a wall
tall and strong
with thrall and throng
and every single being
who breathes and beats the breast of Mother Earth
will hit this wall
and they say
voices reaching crescendo
strangling clinging notes
of condensation
that the wall is just a pounding fist away
that your hand, bleeding and bruised,
black and blue and all the colours of the rainbow
needs
NEEDS
to pass through this wall
and emerge
in genesis
a new born being
from the slippery tunnel of a brick womb
hair crusted with clay
eyes closed with brimstone
mouth choked with dust

what they never told me
was how many bones
were broken in building that wall
how many bodies we buried
beneath the gravestone of our wall
how many bonfires lashed out
how many beatings we took
clambering over
digging under
pounding through
how many fingers I cracked in my wrist
a shattered screaming withered skeleton
begging soundlessly for the wall to let me in

and what was past the wall?
Jul 2019 · 198
Drenched
Starlight Jul 2019
rocked world
closed eyes
battle beat
broken sigh
mountainous drop
lady luck
Jul 2019 · 78
The Tilt
Starlight Jul 2019
capriciously switching the channel
left, right
right, right
left, right,
left, right,

the dull din of an ache we cannot suppress
it isn't hunger - that's already solved
we are all listless idle beings in the vacuum of excess
No, it tastes like fury
rising up like a single cloying voice in a night of thin breath
the lungs rattle like maracas
it sounds like music, a single note, a dull thud
sing, says the rising tension
dance, it taunts, even though it knows you've left your land legs behind
you can't walk in a world so uneven, all you've learnt is stumbling in the guise of fluid steps
it's a tango, truly
play the part
fake it 'til you make it

You like this switching,
left, right,
foot, wrist
sleep, death
an open sea, a dusty field
production and consumption,
the pinwheel rattles like your skeleton's breath and you howl at the moon,
it wanes now, but you know it longs to grow fat and plump once more
it can never decide, just like you, always growing, shrinking, gasping, inhaling, sleeping... sleeping...
Not sleeping never wins, for you always sleep in the end,
your time awake just waits for your eyes to blacken
asleep, you dream without limit, time slips away

left, right
open, shut
Jul 2019 · 135
Off day at the shore
Starlight Jul 2019
butterfly shells
clipped wings
the ocean curls and crashes
beyond the reef
I umbrella-shade my eyes
cast shadows over overhead sunlight
the glimmer blinds
so prettily
and I swallow all contention
like sand-crusted fried food
It's a kind day at the beach
the clouds grace us with their presence
and I spit out my insurrection, my envy
of such shrouded calm
wafts of cloud, like pink bubbly fairy floss
so sweetly
like a wind-cuffed boat
choked by destiny
we watch the sun bathe down into the ocean
submerged bleeding orange into an obsidian eye, a pearl of blue
don't say I didn't warn you, says the storm
rumbling, grumbling,
toiling and boiling
I've been on this horizon all my life, it growls
little more than petulant lightning
I've never trusted thunder
all bark and no bite
but I believe in this shark-storm if only for the palate of streaked colour
the sky is a wanting canvas
my eyes are needy spectators
the soggy chips are artesian entrees
and the butterfly clips refuse to mount and swoon
So
the recipe is baked; a perfect storm
a pointed knife, carved cataclysm
a catchechism of the repentant earth
we only see the sun sleep
when it knows it's been bad.
Jun 2019 · 66
Christmas tidings
Starlight Jun 2019
a whisker of tinsel
the smoked pine of Christmas
old uncle Noel is knocking on our door
so we
hop
skip
and
high jump
out the window
we are the grinches of our own celebration
burn the tree to ashen cinders
douse the smoulders in old egg nog
shout obscenery over the joyous celebration
family removal day
boxing day, ever a day early
Jun 2019 · 82
Record breaking
Starlight Jun 2019
It is the double skipped heart beat on the record player,
I repeat (repeat)
the stutter of life,
the chitter of teeth,
we're cold but the burn is so heavenly.

A fall from grace,
big wide plastic lenses
that frame the face 360 degrees
angelic, is one name for it
dweeby, another
I love the mathematician hidden in your briefcase
I like to open it up at inopportune moments
and let myself bathe in the light

You're a 'yes' man,
an optimistic optometrist,
helps me see who I want to be,
(yes man, yes, man)
Long lion's mane that plummets
and tugs on heart strings
I always was an accompaniment
to your instrumental
I long for the day that
your stiff collared ape-father
lets you palm the pulsating heart beat of
an electric guitar once more

Take the strings out of the boy
he's no longer a puppet
but the song plays on
(yes, man, harmony)
Jun 2019 · 122
Darl, I cannot explain it
Starlight Jun 2019
halt your magic wiles
I am easily forgotten in your smiles
every time we speak I lose capacity
but I cannot forgo such electricity
I wish we were forever
and I wish I had a chance
I know anything is possible
at a hidden glance
But we live not in a fairytale
and I am not your prince
so maybe it's impossible
to hold your heart through since
Jun 2019 · 83
School, am I right?
Starlight Jun 2019
the precarious paper pile
builds up
I see the precipice shudder
in uncertainty
my gut lurches
pulled by gravity and
terror
will I drown
in my
mountain
of work?
Jun 2019 · 78
Garland Creature
Starlight Jun 2019
I am the swamp
viscous and visceral
my mind flooded with clogged thought
slow, I walk
slower, I change
this curled vine ever slow in its
strangulation
the swamp, a table mat of a face
dinner on my bones
breakfast at my fate
I kiss you, swamp-like
the frog's poisoned lips taste potent
and your smile, so green
it reminds me of my own flesh.
May 2019 · 203
idée de chanson
Starlight May 2019
je suis venue au bout de ma rue,
et ce n'etait pas ce que je voudrais
n'etait pas ce que je voudrais etre
desolee pour le manque d'accents. j'y travaille
May 2019 · 115
l'histoire
Starlight May 2019
tous le monde,
ou sont-ils?
sur la rue de la vie
pour tojours
Starlight May 2019
an armistice of the soul
we learn to forgive ourselves
the aches of sins covered by the veil of night
our eyes dilate
- in love with an infinity of stars
possibility opens up
its arms akimbo to our own
opposite the heart is the hard of health
- our breathing stutters in time with discordance
we love the burn
just as much as forgiveness
May 2019 · 90
Melody much
Starlight May 2019
rocked up on distant shores
agedness personified coos to heavenly heathens
heaving and hulling her breath
we all hold hands in the indefatigable oceanic states
beauty by fire; burn the sea to salt stone sacrifice
May 2019 · 157
Slitted eyes and exhaustion
Starlight May 2019
Fluctuating sentiment
Settled and stocked
We breathe for security
For the ebb to stifle
For the burning chest to breathe.
May 2019 · 113
The clocks strikes sanity
Starlight May 2019
when the timestamp on your watch is
3:33
and for a split second
god shines down
from splintered heavens
and the breath that is silent
expands in my lungs
like a million sighs
like an enlarging balloon
racing to the explosion
I see the rapture in my digitalised smile
the bleeping raises to the crescendo
I feel the robot veins
I feel the steady hands
holding wrists
like ropes writ ready

god smiles like an enlarging balloon
hot and heavy
with bountiful love

but the timestamp flickers
from its devilish perfection
3:33
off the edge
cleaved down in a cliff face
I race on the blade of it
the seconds of sanctimonious breathing
coming to a stop

3:34
Apr 2019 · 71
my holiday of silence
Starlight Apr 2019
what begins as a game
always ends as war
as I forgo my speech
twist tongues to silence
such an act lives in danger
what begins as rebellion
always ends as a netted trap
my arms are the panicked fish
bodies flayed as they drown in oxygen
I breathe in my idiocy
not to speak
it is to surrender blissfully
this was a reflection on my holiday, which I've spent most of not speaking as a break. a holiday from my holiday, so to speak. but, school looms on the horizon and I know this silence cannot last, it must be broken.
Starlight Apr 2019
Stop personifying our oceans;
pollution set adraft like lopsided grins
the eye of the storm within the palm of a breaking seascape escape
the white horses, live and vivacious upon stormy greys

Stop humanizing the catastrophe;
thou should not subject
poor innocent ocean beasts
to the pain of humanity - have you no compassion for searing tides?
Apr 2019 · 105
Lonely tides.
Starlight Apr 2019
passion upon a roaring sea;
sailors know the waves settle some
            but the storm must first pass;
            a predicted impossible.
Starlight Apr 2019
salad swirls
I peer into your depths
lettuce leaves
splayed seductive
unpeeled forest green liver skins
green thumbs
red palmed
'tis only a Sunday brunch
Starlight Apr 2019
we are all only lonely girls on park benches
legs entwined, swinging unbridled, as we peek through long shuttered lashes

the man swallowed in fading greys
he is prostate on that bench
peeking through bars of oak and endless views
he dares not seep from reality
gripped by wood

old aunt crazy cat
she was once such a man
engulfed in pipe dreams
and she doth peek back
through stems of newly birthed bench bamboo
waiting for lovers to enter their woods.
Starlight Apr 2019
the pain blooms like a newly wed
- a subtle rose which ripples in my cupped palms
I breathe in the red
lungs expanding
with summer sibilance
as if your rose tongue still curled in mine
- our mouths holding hands
it felt strange to write this since I've never kisses a soul, but life is strange that way. Call me wishful or naive - I don't know.
Apr 2019 · 86
Merciful messanger
Starlight Apr 2019
I leave my window open
god
I never pray for
may creep inside
in the night
rescue me from
this figure
inside my skin.

It bears no name
my hollowed shell
for the best
as with a name
comes power
and more sway
over the tides of my fluttered grip
over the glint of such ceasing sharpness
seizing spluttered breaths
throwing down a maiden's gauntlet
for god fears this spectre
more than I
its tangibility precedes its face
and I feel the icy fingers
long before
I pray.
Starlight Apr 2019
whittled song hath hollowed my bird bones
it seems like every embrace of night heeds my wails
perhaps it is but a flight of neverending destiny
that I would collide with an usurping infinity
Apr 2019 · 75
speckled hop of hope
Starlight Apr 2019
the feeling is fleeting,
it skids,
ice melting under tacky bubble gum shoes,
on the boundless plains of ire in my mind,
clean swept,
I observe this foreign invader,
trace its figure for clues,
has it come here for me,
or is that too self assured?
Apr 2019 · 165
my skin itches
Starlight Apr 2019
it is a brilliant yellow budgie squawking out in the dawn,
its beaded eyes reflect like sharps for dappled sun,
the girl with the yellow raincoat twists her hips,
she imagines the budgie's wings could cover her skin quite fashionably.

The wave lilts,
lulls and ebbs in time with morning croons,
we all shelter our tired eyes,
watching white horses as they race to their dooms.
Starlight Apr 2019
the ulcers in my stomach twist in tune with your lyricism,
my ears twitch, unbidden, heed your call of candy,
your words, my teeth ache as if you had scoured me dry,
I lick my lips to try and remember the taste,

a mystery would be if you had stayed,
your absence, rather, is a settlement of expectation,
I humble myself when lying down in your indentations,
the bed still holds the impressions of your body
- yet my memory fades

I squint my eyes in the dark,
so long, so tuned out, that they ache,
in the dark I can also see the exact shade of your eyes,
but come morn it fades to whispers.
Starlight Mar 2019
transparency slips, incandescent, into the lock,
this sweeping tilting feeling sinks lower,
we sway on the obelisk of an eye in the sea,
the storm whirls with madness unbidden,
yet the film of venerability burns on,
a spluttering candle of stone will
Starlight Mar 2019
we bask in the poignancy of rising stress,
it is the eye of the storm,
a swirling magenta of rage kept pressed in,
the box rattles but we feed off the energy,
there is power in the first wisp of tension on the cusps of our cheeks,
a veritable sea breeze of seduction;
to yearn for success, the fear transcending to the drive.
Starlight Mar 2019
draft me for the silken dreams
raft my hopes on a desolate ocean
allay the terrified cruise of waves
magnify heathen's hope tenfold

and yet I spare the allocated freedoms
to act, to be
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