I failed my mother,
I'm not what she wanted or expected of me.
I failed myself,
I made choice that will harmfully affect me.
I failed my siblings,
Whether or not they were looking up to me.
I failed my family,
All the burdens and expectations they had in vision to be.
I am sorry, sometimes I wish I wasn't born,
Never to scorn, as I type I morn, in the dark I sit alone,
A passive aggressive one man storm.
I just wanted peace...... peace and quiet.
I yearn happiness.
Sprinkle sprinkle as I type my tears flow,
Long tears because I type slow,
Fixing my mistakes and my typos,
and here I go.
I wish I was young again I would make the same choices over again,
Meet my first love over again,
Enjoy our first kiss over again,
Hold her in my arms all over again,
But if I could have started over again,
I wouldn't have failed her over again, I wouldn't have given up on her over again.
I am sorry.
I wrote this poem and hid it from the public because I became timid all over again.
All over a pen, I wish things where different I would write this poem differently all over again.
I would lose and regain my focus all over a mends,
Go the furthest distance for over a friend.
But who am I fooling all over
All over....
All over nothing again.
I am sorry,
As my cheeks absorb the rain from my eyes,
that touch the corner of my imaginary smiles,
I'm already compromised, my future is already jeopardized,
and my past is already memorized.
I am sorry, I word I hate and now at this distant gate,
I saying it straight,
Though the meaning I want to procreate goes out multiple ways,
it may or may not  be good enough to reciprocate,
but I am sorry so it may demonstrate that I can't compensate the decisions I made when I was less fortunate lacking the wisdom I have now to help meditate proper analysis of thinking to facilitate my short comings.
Read it again let it marinate.
I'm sorry because I am passionate, because I had myself on an automatic levitate to elevate.
Instead to my self I chose to relegate, choices
a powerful advocate.
I am sorry,
I feel broken inside, I'm crying outside,
and only in God I can confide.
I failed my mother,
Now she doesn't hold me in high regards,
I failed myself because I dropped my guard,
I failed my siblings, I made things hard,
I failed my family, my ******* deepest fear I gave
regards
Yet I would do it all over again,
Sad reality the realm of regret.
We all wish we could do it all over again
Though there're so many thing I wouldn't do over again,
and saying I am sorry would have sure been one of them.

I crossed the river, I am on the other side,
I swam, I almost drowned but I survived.
The end of the road, my end result,
Is only just an award for the true beginning.

I will be free, I am now in a bigger cell,
The sadness that troubles me is that I just out of Hell.
Patronizing the remembrance, the pain I have endured,
A sinner with an influence and a job to secure.

Fatigue is a part of my daily routine and career,
I see in time my talents gained are increased and shared.
Yes the road of such journey has ended,
But there's much to cover and for many branch have been mended.

Home sweet home is a call of a distant traveler,
Grey skips, crying on the window pane I'm not a lone passenger.
I have grind and made it to the end of the road,
The end result is victorious and hundreds to be off load.

Alright! The finish line is in my reach,
All is needed is for me to slow march and quick march.
When I finished this book will be my motivation speech,
Of the journey I travelled individually,
A word to the wise is sufficient,
Wisdom taught to fools is prudent.
Men cannot stand alone,
But God by the side of men will ensure greatness to reach their throne.
Now there're two roads in front of me, I live by three rules I should push through comfortably.
Be tardy, Be punctual and obey lawful instructions,
If these rules aren't followed there will be destruction.
Pain was the foundation and blood the veils,
The prayers I sent to God was heartfelt calls.
I am changing slowly but surly.
A few steps and the end is near,
This point uncertainty is the trickster I fear.
I am stronger than I was before mentally and physically,
I over came the fight for my soul spiritually.
A word to the wise is sufficient,
wisdom taught to a fool is proficient.
Taking heed of the lessons the elders gave us to.
The speed of our creed was initiated by instructors by stampedes,
Some failed to lead and underestimated our deeds.
The final piece of the puzzle that shows the full picture,
The struggle was needed, in turmoil we gave unto Cesar.
A word to the wise was and will always be sufficient,
Wisdom spoken to a fool is in his benefit, and is prudent.

Cry today and smile tomorrow,
Through all the pain remember happiness is only borrowed.
Smile today and cry tomorrow,
Then sadly after joy is sorrows.

Whether the process of change is in progress,
Stress free suddenly next minute frustrated you stare,
Joy and sorrows both leave a long lasting scare.

Changing takes time and time is unpredictable,
Changing broken parts that are now unfixable.
The days of change, negativity and positivity exchanges ways
Both made an agreement for tears and smiles on separate days.

I am changing time alone will tell,
My flaws are acknowledged and I am trying.
In my point of view the effort is greater than the deed,
Because the deed can be done but a poor effort may not allow you to succeed.

Life needs a balance so there's good and there's evil,
There's animals, plants, sea, land, spirits and people.
Everything needs each other like Ying needs yang that type of fun,
Understand life is perfidious, good and evil makes the world go around.

Don't show me pity if I cry today, I'll smile tomorrow,
After all my pain surly happiness i shall borrow, But if I smile today, expect tears that my cheeks will swallow,
Karma sends her kisses of joy to prepare you for your tears of sorrows.

I embarked on a situation, create the hypothesis for mistakes,
Mistakes isn't knowingly adding too much sugar to the cake,
Then you let it bake, afterwards the cake is baked it's too sweet, now it's a mistake.
Or is it?
But adding the right servings of salt and the cap releases allowing half the bottle to fall and the cake is salty, that's a mistake.

Don't get me wrong that simple explanation won't explain the full extent of what a mistake is and what it meant was that mistakes are depended on the understanding that knowing and not knowing finalizes the decision of making such mistakes.

If you can meditate on things that are wrong trying to put it in form to disguise it as a mistake, then that's your mistake.
Initially you make mistakes when the ignorance of something is present.
On the contrary carefully analyzing your actions and thoughts making proper covers for loopholes then doing the decided portion isn't considered a mistake.

don't tell me lies and afterwards say sorry it was a mistake,
You had time to think over those lies and the in this it results in life sentences.
Heart with no recompences,
Anger of the soul tenses,
Your mistake commences,
Now we're left with negative consequences.

Back to the beginning of your path heartbroken apart asking yourself, "Was that mistake worth making?"
Was that toothache sweet cake worth baking?
Was the thinking process worth taking?

Mistakes are out of the ordinary,
With lack of knowledge and wisdom and doing as we think rather than we know, it slow, we think, NO I don't think so, but even though our minds are clogged like someone's front door at Christmas with snow, we go the distance to allow our ignorant selves say or do things that we don't comprehend or have the evidence to show then we say sorry under low yet we learn and we will grow because that was a mistake.

So, before you approach me saying sorry it was a mistake think before you speak the same way you thought before you spoke or acted, rewind the tape repeat the situation again and again correct the matter in your brain before I ask you to maintain the words you are choosing to speak in vain..... "I'm sorry, I made a mistake!"
Or did you?

I am feeling home sick,
Tell my family come get me quick.
My emotions are running wild,
I cannot control my thoughts even if I try.
Get me out of here I feel like I'm in an asylum.
I am not deaf, not lame, blind or dumb.
I feel trapped in a call deep beneath the ground,
So deep not even by the devil can it be found.
I want to go home, I am fed up of this,
No proper sleep and there're programmed people here with chips.
Left, right, left, right, left repeats even in my little sleep,
I already don't get enough so imagine my face when I weep.
Everyday is strangling me,
I am clustered and my body is getting weak.
I miss home and the qualities of my comfort zone,
I miss my family, so long I haven't been alone.
I want to escape and the door is open wide,
There's only two ways I can leave and graduating is the one I decide.
I am home sick I need to leave quick,
I am praying that grad day don't stick.

Poetry is life and life is art,
Creating a new piece conceives a new life's start.
Poetry saved my brother, yes it's true.
Even though he messed up, poetry pulled him through.
The art of poetry is so divine and magnificent,
Words like mountains grounded firm such omnipotence.  
The passion is in the emotions the poet sets in words,
Every synthesis of symphony, the similes, metaphors tingle every nerve.
Categorizing vocabulary, an encyclopedia your brain should be,
Hitting the bull, yes that sweet spot definitely.
Like a tree your poetry must grow so tall, so strong, so big,
The simplest of words can make your poems more than you think.
Poetry saved my brother from the hands of the stern court of disclosure,
Though he was wrong, he held his composure.
His heart was made pure and sincere through faith earnestly to God he held on to.
Tempted in the garden, yet poetry saw him through.
Some of his brothers disowned him and remembered him no more,
Thou shall not get caught, he failed to observe the 11th law.
Some who called him friend and partaker in the crime,
Like Judas they threw him to the crucifixion line.
Whispers of him going astray and gossips, that he was selfish they assured themselves that he was wrong,
The proud man stood leaving their heads bowed to the ground.
Poetry saved my brother, and on forward his head held high,
A man who can acknowledge his deeds, the most respect never past him by.

Blessed is she, whom I call mother and queen, beautiful in all aspects, as beautiful as no one have ever seen.
She is proud, independent, strong in character and heart,
To express all my understanding and love of her I don't know where to start.

Blessed is she, whom I call first love and majesty,
In all her life, that's what she was sent to be.
Fierce in spirit and a mighty warrior in her adversity,
She seeks no mortal riches nor does she interests in vanity.

Blessed is she, whom I call parent and guide,
No pain I sweep below the rug, from her it cannot hide.
She knows me astonishingly better than I know myself,
She understands my struggle and flaws and motivates me to gain a greater wealth.

Blessed is she, whom I can call my Queen and mother,
Prosperous is she that I exalt  than no other.
Olu Damari, to you we shall look,
Blessed is she I call Mother, protect her from the snares and crooks

People say practice makes perfect, but perfect is an imagination,
They practice with "PERFECTION" in mind so they fail unnecessarily all the time.
Level up yourselves, forward you ascend up the path you take,
Once you commit yourselves, you have success to make.

Practice makes permanent, be honest to your struggle and stay confident,
Do all you do with passion and an attitude to improve.
A wise man said "Practice makes permanent, especially in your prime".
Practice, Practice, Practice until you make it a habit in future time.

When you practice and you practice some more,
You will increase your knowledge that I can assure.
Characteristics will be improved and others you will inspire,
Practice makes only permanent and that is all great things require.

I am in front of a traffic light,
But all I see is blue,
No red, no yellow or green, someone tell me this isn't true.
I can't move forward,
I am stuck in this lane of 42,
All black polished lines and navy blue suits like me too.

I can't sail, I am stuck in the motion,
Unhinged and weird, I'm on a boat far in the ocean,
Some say batch and others say crew,
A few months ago until now I am still being asked "Who are you?"

Some are berthing the lines,
Others dropping the anchors below.
Popeye in real life?
Well then enjoy the Popeye show.
Blue is all I see and drafted to be
But I gained knowledge of friendship, yes it was green that set me free.

Water touch my soul,
Rest on the mold of my head and make me whole.
Baptize me in your rivers of prosperity and love,
Allow my spirit to ascend like a dove.
Flow down my skin, oh how wonderful you bless,
I look above and permit you water to run down my chest.
Bless me now and give me all you can give,
Hug my heart and grant me reason to live.

A second chance without sin I plea,
Another life oh water you can give to me.
Pick me up and swallow me whole leave none behind,
Now I can see, Holy water drops, for I was blind.
I studied the laws or righteousness that I say,
Days I commune with thee as much as I can pray.
I ask again humbly, water touch my soul,
You guide the ori of my head and have made me whole.

When I'm in any mood, my mother always know,
I don't know how because I never let them show.
Sometimes a false smile may appear so fearing and real,
She see even that but most times only silence she keeps.

She may not know my pains nor the balances of imperfections,
Or maybe she does and just choose not to mention.
At times she would ask, "Son are you Alright?"
Those are the times she knows I'm fighting the hardest of fights.

She is so wise and humble her fierceness amazes me,
I look at her life pains and scars knowing that is stronger than she used to be.
When she seems weak, she cries to God at night or day,
I cry deep inside because at those times I see her pain but don't have the right words to say.

Her struggle was tough and her younger life was traumatic,
I adore her because her heart is righteous and less problematic.
Forgive me Lord, lift me up wipe my tears and let me be strong in heart,
Make me as strong as her so I can help ease the pain of her heart.

my life is not my own, I am my mother's son, her first born and wish,
I want my generation after impact our lives with inherited gifts.
I am not perfect nor perfection is not what I seek,
Thanks to my mother, my first Queen and I'm her first legacy.

Last time her eyes saw light, darkness was the first sight,
Died in her sleep and never in her life she did right.
Hearts she killed, she stole, she kidnapped and minds she *****,
That night she died, hell fire she couldn't escape.

There's space in Hell, vacancy in Hell,
One is coming, two is coming so ring the bell.
Mammon is feasting on the souls new and fresh,
And share amongst his legions, fresh souls are the best.

So say live life right and Heaven is your reward,
Follow his commandments, and fear only God.
Keep your whites clean, don't place spoils on your garments,
There's vacancy in Hell and spoils are new meat to their Lord.

I can say of myself,
I have good doctrines.
I can say to myself,
I am loyal.
I can say of myself,
I have good faith.
I can say of myself,
I am good bait.
I can say of myself,
I want to catch big fish.
I can say of myself,
I wish to feed as much as I can.
I can say of myself,
I have a great heart.
I can say of myself,
I have good plans.
I can say of myself,
My mother did well raising me.
I can say of myself,
I intend to raise my offspring as did she.
I can say of myself,
I am not certain of life.
Though I can say of myself,
That I'm willing to try.

Would she?
I am here, in fear, away from her,
Knowing what's out there and what evil hands lure.
Is she for me? If she is she will stay,
Games of disloyalty and pain, my heart cannot play.

Would she still?
I don't know, maybe she will.
Maybe she cries at night thinking of me still,
Maybe she's out having fun without me in thought,
Maybe the fight for her wasn't worth being fought.

Would she still be?
Be by my side,
Or stand behind my back as false love with pride,
Would she still be sitting looking at old pictures of her and I,
Or is she allowing another man to embrace her smile.

Would she still be mine?
After all this time,
Like the infinity of an endless line.
Would she still be mine or will I have to find?
Another girl to make her mine,
Maybe I do and maybe it's true,... or not.
She could be waiting on me in silence weeping it through.

He who fights with his monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

There's one thing a man should always do,
Mainly to himself be true,
Never let anyone change your point of view,
Unless what he brings makes sense to you.

You should never judge him by sight alone,
Or by the height that he has grown,
And when you're speaking always keep a moderate tone,
Because raised voice, they turn hearts to stone.

See from the beginning it was brother killed brother,
The morals in life, live, love and respect one another.
But then there're those they'll always try to be smart,
They'll take a decent man and they'll alter his heart,
Until he seeks to tear them apart.

These men, no man should call friend,
They bend lies around truths,
Until they meet their end.

A plan was set in place,
Not sure if it'll work but it's a leap of faith.
God will lends a hand like he always do,
When I can't carry on anymore, HE helps me through.

I have few regrets, I mean who doesn't,
I need to climb I've learnt from failed attempts.
I hope this young lady I'm with reaches her goals,
I don't think I have it in me to let this one go.

My future is what I was working towards,
Whatever comes with it I pray it's good,
It has been so hard to continue progressing forward.
I keep fighting day by day as I should,
God alone knows if I had the power to remove myself from existence I would.

My plan has taken its course,
I will try my best through God's merciful grace.
This child that will add struggle yet a greater purpose to ,my life,
Lord in you I trust but I pray that in her decisions she meditated day and night.

The walls around my kingdom,
Every pillar must be made with knowledge and wisdom.
My bricks of honor will be laid as perfect as a brick can be laid,
The hand servants of loyalty are worked and accordingly paid.

The walls around my kingdom,
Must be aligned like of good faith,
Properly plastered with understanding as it's main gate.
High as hope and wide as respect can stretch its wings,
Covering the kingdom and within it every little things.

The walls around my kingdom,
Structure like of humbleness and foundation of love,
On the forward of every pillar, heads of spirituality stands above.
Tho my walls should stand firm and strong no fraud,
If the walls around my kingdom don't stand for it's purpose,
May it be destroyed by the hands of God.

Vexation of spirit is a sin,
Chastise negativity and throw it in the wind.

Cater for those who transgress and rise to anger quickly,
Foolish men push their limits to wrath very swiftly.

Brace yourself, an angry man is unpredictable,
Man is mortal know that no man is invincible.

Cold water to a cup, hot water to a cup,
You taste lukewarm.
A bitter residue in my mouth,
I will spit you out until the taste is gone.

Anger leads to vengence and vengence to death,
Abstain from vextation as a conspired threat.

Study the laws of understanding,
thou must first understand,
Vextation of spirit big or small is a sin by man.

Slowly death is coming,
No appointed time to drop countless bodies.
Under the stars and the Moon,
Africa still need food for the starving tummies,
We still don't appreciate our truths,
Nor embrace our lives as we enroll in it.
The disperse of orders and rules,
Means nothing to scholars who live to learn but don't teach their studies.
Understand how the whirlpool moves,
Taking everything below and above, like nothing is worth it, like undecent pennies.
Criticism is a main review of fools,
Who despise good judgement and rebuke good forecomings.
Cancel out negativity from the mood,
Keep your mood positive and smooth like honey.
Stand firm in what you believe is true,
Eradicate false tongues and stand still in false panic.
World order have signs and cues,
Clues to see lies and take the truth out of it.

Sundays she screams "Praise the Lord" for keeping me,
For bringing me through the week
From the fight she fought so meek.
Sundays she screams "Lord and father please",
To take her through another week,
To be devoured by Ceaser's sharpened teeth,
Pain and stress meets her at her peak.
Tears, sweat and blood running down her cheeks,
Yet she smiles and you don't hear the frustration when she speaks.
I call her mother and Queen,
Because she's the strength that live in me,
That make me want to be the best me that I could ever be.
Sundays she screams to the top of her voice,
With any song of her choice,
Singing the pain that reflected on her chest,
Dancing away her time to rest.
Still feeling the mortal pain that rocks her flesh,
Sundays she screams "Father Lord look over me" and the trials she's about to meet, pushing her feet
Ready for the new heat, ready for the streets,
To rebuke the devils peace and again her children's feast until Sunday she screams.