Thoughts Feelings and Soul searching
Cannot be seen felt or heard
Ironically form the triangle
For internal enquiry and external therapy
Behaviour and Personality
Constructed by these three
Asked to get them healed
Where do we find them to deal
Is it why it is called the search
If it is in us why all the research
The games they play
Wonder where they stay
Organisms covered in medical study
Can be studied  for further recovery
Illusory participants take away
Most of our time
Understanding the key
Knowledge to be deemed
Spiritual the path
Opens the doors for the invisible three
That's what they deem it to be
I'm still searching
Something that is not there
To be pointed at
But makes its point everytime something is at
Schizophrenic reality but none alone
Probably gives us the relief
A member of the heard
On the lookout for the message
From the messenger whom none have seen
Exploring a phantom hoping to get answers from another
Playing chess with no coins
But the pieces are falling apart
No one to play against
But the moves are made
To match yours
The game never ends
Where is the board
Black and white squares
Warriors on the floor
How do I exit
Where is the door
How did it i enter
Where is the door

Hurt is a state
Already bring experienced
Frightened is the feeling
Of something bad lurking

Ideas images and concepts
Created without any evidence
Canvas keeps expanding as our imagery keeps inventing

The Mirage of a future
Reflecting the concrete of the past
Engulfs the present
The true compass of the truth

The mind weaves
Fear its main tool
To paint a picture
Contradictory to laws of nature

Irony lies in this
That which is yet to happen
We keep our gates open
Ready to recieve them

Anxious and Agitated
The masks we use
To ready ourselves
Lest our imagery becomes similar
To realities yet to be painted picture

The difference between
The then and the now
Best left not connected
Extrapolation the brush dipped in the paint of experience connects it thinking it is correct

Hurt can be healed
Time and again
Time has proved it
Just give it time


Panic as no figure
To present itself in the near
Looming large from a time zone not existing yet
Is Fears real power

As they exist
Realm of reality
Idealistic and Catastrophic
Has no place in it

Transcending the only way
To keep the unreal at bay
What is not Is hurting more
Than what actually is

Back seat drivers
With no one in the back
A look at the mirror
Gives the real picture

My vocabulary fails me
When what i want to convey
Is a matter of the heart
Words conscice feelings
Tries to be intelligent
Masks my inabilities
Says what you want to hear
How do I convey the absolute truth
With no trickery of imagery involved
Silence is powerful but can
Also be misunderstood
Where do I search
On how to express
Or will  just know
Words and silence
Fail to convey
Search leads nowhere
Secret behind the secret
Of expressing the fullest
Remains a secret
The word defines that
Once known no more sacred
Sanctity kept away
In the sanctorium
To keep it revered
If penance is what it takes
I'm willing to give it as many takes
Let God hold the clapboard
And be the judge
And include in his judgement
My honest expression
The only way to transcend
Clouded human perception

Days and nights
Making up life
Spending the seconds
As it passes by
Wondering what to do
Looking forward to nothing
Except daybreak and sunset
Phone has replaced friends
WhatsApp has pushed passions out
My phone and me
On a journey
Neither expected to be
Each other's sole company
Contacts in my phone book
Answer only when they are free
Way it is naturally
The phone doesn't know this
Which makes me the only
One to realise
That i have ended up lonely

Born as a Male
So i was told
Educated later about gender
Aware of only 2
Later a third in Transgender
My growing up years
Was kept as simple
Difference between the two
Adolescence brought to my notice
Even AIDS was made aware
When i was already sixteen
Different reasons given
On how it spread
Theories and understanding
And the lack of it
Made it very confusing
I am able to understand
But unable to share
The emotional reactions
To bring gender fluid
It is a new word
Let alone a concept or a fact
I respect those
Who describe themselves as such
Inspite of my learning and hearing
About this daily
I have no confusion
That i am what i was born as
Will remain the same
Not a conviction
Because there is no doubt
In the first place
For me to fight it
I don't think any gender
Is more superior than the other
All are equal and only
Missing word in the equation
Is respect alone
Enjoy being a male
Don't envy the others
Fluidity being new
I know that equality
Is what they expect
Not as a gift but as a right
The right thing to do
Is to do it right

Drunk in your thoughts
Your face in my heart
Withdrawal bring stone walled
Search for the next high
Not required at all
Till i take the missteps
That of a drunkard
The floor always ready
To take my fall
Lying on the floor
Not good for esteem
But i willingly seek it
Thinking about you is no sin
Loss of pride by the pavements side
But every thought filled with alcohol
Brewed by your existence
Ego takes comfort
That a poet on a later day
Might set to words
A composer set
It to tune
To be played
For time to come
Abstensnce needs the
Greatest antidote available
The will to forget
Which i do not have
But if the price of immortality
Is to bear the burden
Added to your existence
The title of a dipsomaniac
To be carved
On my Stone
Whoever said that Wounds
Do not hurt those who depart
Never had to feel the despair
Life spent in longing to possess and to have

Criticism is narcissism
So absorbed into ourselves
That any design outside the pattern
That our brain maps
We deem it wrong
A sense of righteousness
High on a pedestal
Looking down at the other mortal
Seemingly unfit to act
Directly in conflict with the facts
Our priorities the best
Hence condemn the rest

Judge jury executioner
The roles everyone plays
Cought in the middle
With no one to plead
The sensibilities behind his deed
His soul is lynched
By the paralysis of our process
Which exclusive is nature
Excludes the doer

Judging the other
Is the crime
to be judged
And judgement passed
That one shall not judge