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Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
I put my paper thin heart in the palms of your hands
And pray that you don't crumble it up and throw it away
I hope that you color it with a beautiful design
Even if drawing isn't exactly your thing
I pray that you put it somewhere nice where you see it daily
But use tape instead of a tack so you don't damage it
I trust you with something so fragile
I trust you with something so important
I trust you with this because I love you
Sprkinthedrk Aug 2017
i'm not on the cover of a
magazine
or in any stupid
movie scenes
and maybe i don't always
dress pristine
but that's all right
maybe i am
kinda flat
and i sometimes like to
wear a hat
and no body's saying
"get with that"
but that's all right
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah
some times i
might get mad
but when i smile i'm
oh so glad
and every now and then
i get sad
but that's all right
and yeah i
love the stars
and i don't want to
go to bars
dancing by myself
in the car
and that's all right
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah
some people say you need to be
this and that
i say just be yourself
you won't regret it
and if anyone
else gets mad
tell them it's your life~
cause i'm perfect in my own way
i don't have to care what others say
beauty comes from within anyway
oh yeah
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
When it rains, it pours
Honey, when it rains it storms
But I trust that you'll be there to keep me warm
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
You look at all these people as beautiful things and see that they all belong like the red belongs on your nails and lips

You see yourself as this waste of a being like all the people before you came togeth e for no reason and your existence wasn't meant to be but i know it was because your parents love you- they always make sure your nails and lips can be red when you want them to be

With every shade of red people see your beauty covering everything from the apples to the sunsets-your beauty spreading across the world

Don't ever stop painting your nails red
Don't ever stop coloring your lips red
because when i see a red rose i don't want to see a "red rose" i want to see you

Because the raw beauty you possess was meant to exist- you were meant to exist despite what you think

Blood red lips and nails will always be you to me
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
Its hard to pick yourself up after being shattered into broken pieces of stained glass
Theres not really anyone to show you how to fix yourself because no one bothered to stay around     something so broken
How is glass supposed to fix itself?
When you break something in your own home you clean up the mess dont you?
I guess it doesnt matter to you if its not an immediate danger to you
But never forget that glass can cut after its broken
And glass is a lot more likely to cut you if youre what broke it because anyone else would stay away
So keep a close eye out  because maybe one day this glass will find its way deep in your skin agaiin and before you know it the pain will come
And maybe you cant get the glass out and youll see how no one will help you because they wont want to get their nice white clothes stained with the deep red of your blood
Youll see how the other people wont help
And maybe youll begin to realize how it felt when you broke me and i was left all alone
Im not really one for revenge but if i were that is how it would go
I would make you realize how i felt and not any worse
But i know that it hurts and im not going to be a person that causes others to feel such a pain
I will instead larn to fix myself with glue and take until i am pretty again and when everyoen loves me again you will be jealous
You will see that i came out stringer and more beautiful and the fact that you lost me will **** you
Maybe youll feel alone like i did all those days
And maybe you wont feel anything at all
But either way i will come out better than you and i will be happy without you becuase i now realize that i can be
So think what you want because i may not try to hurt you but i will certainy never allow you to hurt me again
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
small rolly polly
could never get it right
right on the left
left on the right
the shoes look the same
how was he to know
his mother had to help him
she pointed to the toe
the curve of the shoe
at the front of the feet
to tell them apart
he would have to see
left on the right
and right on the left
“no.” his mother said
a sigh in her breath
“curve to the right
it goes on the left
curve to the left
it goes on the right
down at his shoes
rolly polly stared
one on the right
and one on the left
mother turned around
a smile on her face
“you did it rolly polly!”
with a hug they embraced
A poem about my nephew little Nolly Polly.
Sprkinthedrk May 2018
thank you for making
my life so special
it never was
before you
i wished upon a star
but i never got my wish
but then you made that wish
come true
a single rose
was all i’d ever hoped
to be given
one day
and when i wished on you
you heard me
and gave me
my childhood wish
so thank you so much
for how much you care
the simple things
really mean a lot
and i’ll hold on
to this rose
until the pedals
all fall off
because it shows
how someone cares
enough to listen
to my thoughts
it’s probabky not the best but i had to thank my boyfriend for everything he’s done somehow. he is so sweet and i’ve never had anyone really hear me like he does. if you’re reading this and haven’t already learned, listen to the ones you love and show them that you listened because it means so much and you may not even know.
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
She's like poetry
Confusing at first
But once you understand
A picture is painted in your mind
And you can never forget her beautiful words
They echo through your head
And you long to say them
Because nothing was ever so lovely
Sprkinthedrk Jan 2018
i sit down at the table with my one waffle
one of the egos ones that you put in the toaster
it’s covered in peanut butter and syrup
yet i still don’t want to eat it
one bite, two bites, three bites i’m good
but soon enough i’m sick of it and want to throw the rest away
one more bit i say
then another
then another
until the whole waffle is gone and my stomach hurts
because i need the extra calories don’t i?
fifteen pounds underweight
being told i look like i’m starving myself
i just want to be normal
that’s normal, right?
packing my lunch with extra snacks
not because my mom said i couldn’t
but because i need the extra food
i’m so tired of being this way
i forced myself to eat and eat until i gag and then i stop for a bit so none of my hard work comes up
people who can’t stop eating aren’t the only ones who need help
someone please help the ones who can barely eat at all
Sprkinthedrk Apr 2018
Split into two
Yet still both in one
Left and Right
Always had a difference
The strong and the weak
The confidence and the fear
The hate and the love
Never felt as half and half
But always felt in pairs of whole
As if each a life of its own
And which was truly mine
I dont think ill ever know
Sprkinthedrk Nov 2017
when i decided to tell my mother about my depression for the first time

i expected an “i’m sorry. how can i help you?”

but what i got was simply an “okay.”

and then they acted as if i never said a word for three years

as if everything was fine even though they knew it wasn’t

it’s not like i stayed quiet or they never walked in on me crying myself to sleep at night

they just would rather it not exist so they acted as such

if you ignore it, it doesn’t exist i guess

even if it is slowly drowning the person across the table

a year later i told them i may have a mental disorder

they turned their heads towards me as more than a smirk appeared on their face, laugher shooting out of their mouths like bullets making me regret too many of my decisions

“you don’t know anything, you’re too young” i felt them thinking

as if they could see into my own head

they don’t know what i’ve been through and never will

i decided it was best to hide away

they don’t need to be exposed to what they are trying to hide

let me not get help because of their fears

as if sickness shouldn’t exist in our household

they don’t have acces to me any more

because what they avoid is most of what i am

they can never be shown my talents or fears

for all that i can do correctly shows who i am

so they would much rather me hide away in the shadows

than come into the light for what i am

and all i can do is accept this role

of staying alone in the shadows of their fronts
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
You said you loved the stars in my eyes,
so you stole them and gave them to her...
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
what do you do when you hate the only thing
that makes you happy?
the song plays on repeat
repeat
over and over again
but you’re finally tired of the song
you know the lyrics by heart
you know the next verse word for word
you’re sick of it saying the same things
over and over
but no other song will make you feel
the way this one does right now
you’re tired of it
but you’re stuck on repeat
Sprkinthedrk Oct 2017
Are girls supposed to taste of candy?
Because if so i just might have that down
The words from my mouth you call sweeter than candy
But really thats just my soul turned into cloudy colorful cotton candy
They say you are what you eat
And I sure do eat a lot of sweets
Did I make you believe in that joke?
Sprkinthedrk Mar 2018
“You seem to be doing better since we went to see the counselor” she says
Obviously she can’t hear me singing through my walls every night even though they usually seem paper thin
“I love for a place where my soul can go
Where i won’t feel alone and i’ll be at home
I long for a place where i don’t want to leave
Every night it contemplates then goes with the breeze”
I long for a place where i can reach out knowing a hand will be there to catch me
I long for a home without a sunset to miss
I long for a liar and cheater on my doorstep who begs “baby please just let me in”
I long for a ride all the way to Cali just to see what trouble i will cause
I long for a day with no hurt slowly pouring out of my heart
I long for a day with no anxiety knocking at my back door
I long for a day where i don’t question what i’m here for
I long for the day i come to see i am who i want to be
I long for the day that i will finally be living freely and happily
So no, i’m not really doing better
I just know the end will be sooner
Because the first step
Will be starting very soon
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
Small and fragile
Just another friend
Saying funny things
Did you love me then?
Growing and loving
You are in my head
Always on my mind, Dear
Do you love me then?
Older and together
It was something that I said
I always confuse you
Will you still love me then?
Old and brighter
Not facing all the dread
I kiss you and say "beautiful"
Will you still love me then?
Later and sadder
I need to stay in bed
All I'll do is cry all day
Will you still love me then?
The last and stronger
You kissed my forehead
I tell you that I love you
And you'll repeat me then.
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
when i was little
i always liked being alone
i never thought anything of it
it just happened that way
i liked hiding away
being with my thoughts
finding my own cubby or
creating my own fort
all for me to be alone in
and as i got older
i wanted more people
but i didn't get the attention i wanted
so i began to hide away again
trying to find some comfort in my aloneness
and eventually i did
but part of me still wanted people
so i couldn't be around people too long
one day of school
soon as i got home
i had to be alone
no one told me this was something
that happens to many people
no one told me that
maybe i wouldn't have been this way
maybe i wouldn't worry
about what other people
saw
thought
said
as much
if i hadn't always been
alone
Sprkinthedrk Mar 2018
i miss the sparks
that used to light up
the darkness around me
with golden colors
that i used to not be afraid of

until i wanted to touch
and i was burned
they hated that they hurt me
and so they ran
to never return

(or at least i think that’s what happened)
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
The sun so bright
She rises up
From underground
To greet the morn
Her color bright
She shows her love
But the night
Slowly runs into hiding
And when the sun realizes
That the moon has fled
She goes back down
Into her bed
And slowly the moon
Rises back up
Bringing along the stars
For the night does not love the sun
Yet around the Earth, the sun chases the moon
The sun keeps chasing the moon
Until the Earth is at rest
Until the moon loves her back
She runs in circles
Oh, the poor moon
Can't bear to break her heart
So instead he runs and hides
Running to and from each other
Each on opposite sides
Sprkinthedrk Jan 2018
I long for the sound of the crashing waves at my feet
As the white as light sand lays beneath me
Footprint after footprint as I stroll
With solely a book in hand
Waiting for the right moment
The sun crashes down into the water
It creates a splash of all the prettiest colors
Beauty surrounds me as far as the eye can see
Opening to the last page I read
“For the light and the dark do not phase us
We have no reason to be afraid
The inbetween solely happens to be the most wonderful
That is all the world’s soul long’s for”
Sprkinthedrk Mar 2018
I ink my arms when i am down in order to keep myself from cutting them
I create beautiful stories of the love i hold for you in my head that are then mostly forgotten as i wake
Lanterns mean so much to me not solely because of their beauty but because they remind me of how i let go of one i had in my life a long time ago
My weird habits likely stem from people in my past who i still hold on my heart, maybe just a little
I have a collection of over twenty entirely empty composition notebooks solely to fill with my poetry in the future
I may have a problem because i still want more composition notebooks when i’ve only filled three
I decorate my room and clean it myself not because i’m OCD but because i believe i’m happier when my surroundings are clean, another reason i want to leave this city
I love to go on trips because i hate where i’m at, the people here are as trash on the inside as this city is trash on the outside
Style makes me happy and satisfied even if i can’t keep one of my own, i like to believe that i am just too disperse for that
Looking into my eyes in the mirror as i cry is soothing and you will find i do it a lot
My favorite flower is anything but roses because what a cliche right? but i still want roses on valentine’s day
I will never admit my addiction to chocolate as more than a joke because when someone starts believing it is a problem for real, so will i
My music taste is spread far out to where the only things i can’t stand are things without lyrics, also some techno is acceptable
Why do i think you need to know this? who knows
I guess to let you know that i am deeper than this screen you’re looking at shows
Sprkinthedrk May 2018
months never meant anything
i was still betrayed
what does time matter?
i never wrote the dates on my papers anyway
Sprkinthedrk Oct 2017
how many times have i said
“i just want to be beautiful”
how many different meanings
have protruded from my lips
as i said those words
“i just want to be beautiful”
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
i used to be
afraid of death
isn't that funny
because now
i like killing myself
i like the feeling of
being torn apart by
other people's opinions
i beg them to tell the truth
even when i know
it's not what i want to hear
tell me
tell me you liked my hair longer
before i cut it short
tell me
tell me i'm too skinny
that i should put on some weight
tell me
tell me you're shocked
tell me i should know these basic things
i want the truth
not a sugar coating
and i don't exactly want it to hurt
but i'm starting to think
it is better than nothing
Sprkinthedrk Sep 2017
all the pain
comes pouring out
onto this page
tears on the ground
all over me
i’m soaked in salt
can’t even see
your words anymore
everything’s a blur
and you’re there all alone
soaked in your own
tears of pain
you write how you feel
and to you it’s real
to others it’s just another
page of lyrics
or poems
or even songs it seems
they try to add to it
add their own opinions
and feelings
make your pain no longer your own
but doesn’t everyone need to feel respected? doesn’t everyone new to have their own feelings?
Sprkinthedrk Jan 2018
There are many things that people believe in
Some more playful than real
Like how the sun and the moon are lovers
So many theories about humanity
All the ins and outs of it
All the whys and how’s
How the sound of toes tapping on the floor
And water falling from the sky in drops
Can make us who we are
But what if there really is more?
Maybe inside of us there’s something making us who we are
So many of us of this world being held down
How someone’s views and opinions are what makes them
What about the ones who are more?
The ones with the beautiful souls
The ones who only care about feelings, happiness, fullness of life, and beauty
The ones who are a spark in the darkness of he world
The ones you notice simply by how they don’t touch the earth when they walk, they glide as if every step takes place on a star
The ones who come when people need it most, sending boring lives into hurricanes of colors, thoughts, and questions
The ones that are a little more beautiful and a little more tragic than the rest
Maybe, just maybe
The people are a little more universe
Maybe a normal soul is made of grass and trees and warm spring days or cold and snow on a winter night
But that could not compare to the soul of a universe
Infinite and dark and beautiful
Where stars are steps and ideas are realities and colors are just a bit more vibrant
Maybe some of us are just created more universe than the rest of us
But it makes all the difference
Sprkinthedrk Nov 2017
Your scent against my skin
Is the only reason i know
What it is like to touch a rose
Without it dying at my fingertips
Sprkinthedrk Nov 2017
Take it
Break it
Tell them it is beautiful
After you reshape it
Sprkinthedrk Jun 2018
i want to be a universe in a body but i feel like i’ll always just be another body in this universe.
Sprkinthedrk Apr 2018
I’m no longer going to attend her pity parties
At this point i don’t even want an invitation
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
pictures are filled with these
perfect places
perfect people
perfect words
and a perfect world
yet i’ve seen no evidence of this myself
so i refuse to believe it
as if reading a story book
i know it’s all a lie
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
my depression is a monster
clothed in a shadow hiding its face
it wrestles me to the ground
and i try to fight back
but i’m barely strong enough to stay alive
sometimes it hits me and i get knocked down
the damages can last for a while
and sometimes i get a hit in
but that only makes it angrier
more hungry to feed on what is inside of me
i hope one day to take this monster
to be able to walk it on a leash
and maybe it will listen to most of my commands
but until then i just have to keep trying
and until then that is what i will do
Sprkinthedrk Apr 2018
every day i fear i become a little bit worse at everything
teach me how to say goodbye to myself
Sprkinthedrk Apr 2018
i tried reaching for the stars once
they broke at my touch
but i couldn’t help myself
until all the light was gone
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2018
i let you put me through more sadness
than you could every know
yet i still let myself cling
to you
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
Don’t create a statue
Out of my ashes
Then blame it on me
When it’s not beautiful enough
I was burned for a reason
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
today i’m a little bit more sad that yesterday
the pain of the missing person i won’t see sinks into me
so used to having them by my side whenever i call
not having them here makes me feel ten times as weak as i am strong
i want to hold his hand and feel his touch
but the fact that we’re kids puts a wall between us
and the time that we spend with other people
limits the time that we have to ourselves
holding on until he is back is all i can do
i’ll wait day and night just to hear his “i love you”
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
You created me to fly
But you’re the one who prevented me from flying
By breaking my wings
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
I’m insecure
And that is okay
In a way
Yes i should work on it
No i should not be
Criticized
Disrespected
“Proven wrong”
Or anything else
Because that is normal
And no matter what
We are all beautiful
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
part of me still loves all of my old loves
all the ones that left and hurt me
no matter how bad they treated me
a part of me will always be with them
intertwined in the pages in my mind
that keep the story of my past loves
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
last week was just great
like you know those weeks where you get your slice of cake and you get to eat it too?
just one of those “these days are what I
live for” weeks
and then came this monday
oh like a gingerbread house on Christmas day
this week was torn to pieces and it crumbled
Monday
someone hit the car door
Tuesday
the water pipe flooded the floor
Wednesday
I had to chase a stranger out the door
Thursday
our house held a silent war
Now let’s see what Friday has in store
Sprkinthedrk Nov 2017
How am i supposed to
Walk on the clouds
When they are merely
The water on which i will slip
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
I once tried
to hide from the world
to make myself slowly disappear
until no more stood
but the shadow of this girl
that no one seemed to understand
it was lonely
wandering in the dark
never had I been so muddled
without saying a word
I thought I could disappear
and no one would pull me back in
but as those words left your tongue
I no longer could stay in the dark
my heart jumped back into the light
for it may love the dark
but if the light was what it took to be noticed
I was willing to risk the perturbation for your eyes alone
Sprkinthedrk Dec 2017
i’m sorry i crave your eyes
like lungs crave air after too much time
i’m sorry i crave your words
like a stray dog craves scraps of food
i’m sorry that i crave all of you
when i’m just a form of time consumption
all my entirety has ever wanted is you
and all you have ever wanted was the time alone i never provided you with
Sprkinthedrk Aug 2018
The world is so sad sometimes i don’t want to dip my toe in no matter how badly i want to swim. I feel that even though i know how to swim i will drown under the weight of all of the bad people and things. I pray one day someone will find a way to make the water more clear and the waves gentler.
Sprkinthedrk Jun 2018
I think the movies have it wrong
We love because it feels good
But it never fixes everything
-How much love has been lost because of this expectation?
Sprkinthedrk Nov 2017
My greatest dreams
And my darkest nightmares
Sit across the room from me
In a single body
(With one hand made to create
And one hand made to destroy)
Sprkinthedrk Feb 2018
hey baby i think i love you
saw you across the room
all the flowers began to bloom
the smile on your face
oh it takes the pain away
the warm of your arms
oh its tearing me apart
because all i what is you
you make your way towards me
oh we’ll have to wait and see
will you fall in love with me
like i fell in love with you?
see the twinkle in my eye?
yes i maybe kinda shy
but put your arm around me
please just let me know you’re mine
because all i want is you
and to be yours
Sprkinthedrk Jul 2017
Sometimes you want to scream and tear the wallpaper off the walls but the walls are too thin so you know someone will hear you and they also aren't covered in wallpaper for you to tear off only to probably regret later
Sprkinthedrk Oct 2017
A mind can only hold so many memories
And with every memory i make with you
I have to throw and old one out
Because I would rather remember who i am with you
Than remember who i used to be before
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