the ringtones my phone made at your call
the whining when i said you were wrong
the screaming of disrespect
the pictures of your own wrists
the threats of if i didn’t stay
the snakes that escaped your mouth in words
the messages left that were “supposed to be kind”
the handcuffs of your wrists to mine
the blood of yours you put in my hands
the showers i took to wash it away
the brick wall i built that you couldn’t get through
“*******!” i screamed
and i know you heard me.

“i don’t know if i can do it anymore”
said with a hollow heart
from the mouth of a worn down saint
“i feel so tired”
it dropped from her lips
like paint from a canvas
“it gets so lonely”
she dragged her feet
against the pavement
“and every night is so cold”
and she twisted her hair
like she need please me
“disappear is a word i’ve learned to love”
her hands trembled
from the breeze or maybe the lacks
“and i think one day it will describe me”
her eyes met mine
and the only one crying was me

I’ve changed a lot in the past year
It may not be too apparent
I look the same, I speak the same
I never tell people about some life changing experience
Because I didn’t exactly have one
There was never a day I woke up and suddenly everything was okay
I don’t really think it’s like that for anyone
But I do believe everyone receives a day of realization
A day when suddenly all these changes hit you
And that can be good or bad
I always wanted an open mind
I wanted to be accepting of things and I wanted to focus on making people happy
I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly accept everyone
But I did sit with a friend I hadn’t talked to in months
And realized how much closer I was to the person I wanted to be
I used to be so strict on everyone and myself
I never realized how much it was truly burdening me until it was gone
Not completely gone of course, changing your way of thinking takes a long time
But I realized I didn’t care how I felt about peoples’ actions anymore
I now only cared about two things when it came to others actions:
One, I cared that it made them happy or benefited them in some way
And two, I cared that it didn’t hurt anyone else in some way
And once I got into that type of mindset, realizing what I truly believe became a lot easier
I still don’t understand everything or how I feel about many controversial topics,
But I don’t think I ever really will, and I’ve learned to be content with that.

Split into two
Yet still both in one
Left and Right
Always had a difference
The strong and the weak
The confidence and the fear
The hate and the love
Never felt as half and half
But always felt in pairs of whole
As if each a life of its own
And which was truly mine
I dont think ill ever know

A hand that longs for something to hold
Is only truly satisfied once in a lifetime
A pencil can enable a hand to write
A brush can enable a hand to paint
A fork can enable a hand to eat
A knife can enable a hand cut
But the hand only longs for one true partner
Something it never has to let go of
Something like a mirror image with five long limbs
Something like a mirror image with blood red ends that never drip
Something like a mirror image with blue lakes underneath
Yes, something like another of its own