when i decided to tell my mother about my depression for the first time

i expected an “i’m sorry. how can i help you?”

but what i got was simply an “okay.”

and then they acted as if i never said a word for three years

as if everything was fine even though they knew it wasn’t

it’s not like i stayed quiet or they never walked in on me crying myself to sleep at night

they just would rather it not exist so they acted as such

if you ignore it, it doesn’t exist i guess

even if it is slowly drowning the person across the table

a year later i told them i may have a mental disorder

they turned their heads towards me as more than a smirk appeared on their face, laugher shooting out of their mouths like bullets making me regret too many of my decisions

“you don’t know anything, you’re too young” i felt them thinking

as if they could see into my own head

they don’t know what i’ve been through and never will

i decided it was best to hide away

they don’t need to be exposed to what they are trying to hide

let me not get help because of their fears

as if sickness shouldn’t exist in our household

they don’t have acces to me any more

because what they avoid is most of what i am

they can never be shown my talents or fears

for all that i can do correctly shows who i am

so they would much rather me hide away in the shadows

than come into the light for what i am

and all i can do is accept this role

of staying alone in the shadows of their fronts