8 years passed.
Feelings are still strong.
Old texts I continue to read.
I knew we had a special bond.

I’m happy in my current relationship, but they’re not you and never will be.

I hope that one day I can just forget you but as of now, you’re all that I see.

Swerving left and right, switching from lane to lane,
I shouldn’t be here

Hard impact, banging my face against the steering wheel as shattered pieces of glass cut my face,
I shouldn’t be here

Airbags, dust, debris everywhere, I can’t see or breathe,
I shouldn’t be here

Gasping for breath, as I fall out of my car on my hands and knees, gravel spikes my hands and saliva is running down my chin,
I shouldn’t be here

I stand up and look around me, through all the wreckage and car parts scattered all around the street,
I AM still here

My feelings don’t matter,
Lie to my face.

Lie about who you’re with, lie about the time and place.

Tell me that “your phone was dead” or that “you got busy”

Later you’ll ask yourself “he’s probably not gonna reply anymore, isn’t he?”

Tell me that we’ll be okay, tell me that we’ll be alright,
Tell me this is worth it and that you’ll continue to fight.

Tell me you’ll be by my side no matter how how rough things get.
Tell me that you’re not ready to give up, not just yet.

I struggle emotionally and it always gets the best of me,
When you want out, just let me know, I’ll give you your space and I’ll let you be.

Why should I care?  
Why do I choose to feel the emotions that I do?
Why do I sit alone in my room, with nothing on my mind but the thought of you?

Why do I worry?
Why do I cry so ****** much that my vision becomes more than impaired and everything around me turns blurry?

I hate the way I feel, I hate that I care so much,
I spill my emotions over a keyboard so, you too, can hold the pain that I currently do,

This is only the beginning, I know I’ll be stopping here, on this website,  so much more frequently because of you.

How many loved ones must be lost?

How much blood must be spilled?

By the hands of someone with a chip on their shoulder, a fully loaded rifle and an ambition to ****.

I knew I was never perfect, I did all I could do,

I look back at it now, I deserved so much better than you.