Do not hide emotions.
Do not suppress feelings.
Shed tears, when they need to be shed.
Feel pain, when pain needs to be felt.
We are all human beings.

If all is suppressed,
“Numb” no longer is just a word,
It’s a way life is lived.
I can promise you, it is not a life worth living.

Smile when you are brought joy,
Yell when you are brought anger,

If nothing is ever felt,
Individuality is lost.
When individuality is lost,
We are nothing more than just a lifeless walking corpse, waiting for our time to come to an end.

You were there for my birth,
You tried to raise me.
The drugs rotted your brain,
Nothing was ever the same, nothing turned out how I wanted it to be.

Violent from the withdrawals,
Swinging your left and right fists at my brothers and moms jaws.
We couldn’t do it, we had to get away.
We boarded a plane, a small place in Colorado is where we decided to stay.

I grew up away from you, without a father figure it made life tough,
Learned how to drive, work and survive without you dad was hard enough.

Mom got remarried, her husband I grew to hate,
The way he loved his kids, broke me down, I cried alone in my room with an extensive amount of heartbreak to contemplate.

Years pass. I live on my own, regardless of all the *******, I still talk to you and make sure you’re okay,

Dodging cops and violating probation is a game you still continue to play. You weren’t there for much of my life, but regardless, I still love you dad and nothing will ever change that.

Maybe one day you become a better person and we can do all the things a father and son should.
But in the meanwhile I’m living with this pain, wishing you the very best.

Every night when I sleep, I see you there,
Hold you tight in my dreams but when I awake there’s no signs of you here.
She left without a trace, my number blocked in her phone.
I’m forgotten here, stuck in my 9-5, struggling to keep on going,
She’s living a happy life without me,
And I get sloshed every night dreaming about what we could be,
I’d be fine, I would be okay,
If I at least got a text saying “I’m sorry, but I really think it should be this way”

When it’s my time,
Tears of those that I love will begin to shed,
Saying their goodbyes while I lay deceased and motionless on my deathbed,
When it’s my time,
I’ll be dressed my absolute best,
Dropped 6 feet below as my body is finally laid to rest,
When it’s my time,
My room will remain untouched and my stuff will remain the same,
Until the ones I love finally build the courage and go through what remains.
When it’s my time,
I will be forgotten about as the world will continue to turn,
All life forms will continue to evolve, grow and learn.
When it’s my time to go,
I’ll be ready.

Gone you may be,
But forever in my heart you will stay,
December nights will no longer be the same,
And I’m partly to blame,

These memories I’ll carry until the day I die,
Now if we ever speak it will be no more than a solemn, hollow “Hi”

I would be heartless if I didn’t make one of these for you one last time,
If you come across this, smile a bit, because it sure can light up a room,

I hope your heart heals and you find what you are truly searching for, thank you for everything one last time,

So here’s to you, my first, and only true love, thank you.

-Matthew Martinez

One week you’re my soulmate.
The next you’re a stranger that I don’t even bother to take a second glance at.
The temporary love you provide is not what I’m looking for,
As my days get busier and busier,
My heart grows colder and colder,
To the point where love is no longer what I search for,
Stability and honesty is rare to find nowadays,
But I have given up the search to find that.