You could have a thousand shades to describe
A sunset that won you photograph of the year
Stil without flight we dazzle your angle
Careless to say we shine the shades
But you never thanked the rigs that pulled those shades

In simple terms
The shades draped over with clouds
Could not be as brilliant
To the scattered fractures that are
Not boastful, just gleaming
A handful of shades
With a hint of tomorrow peering through

Pick up a pen
Drop it a minute after
Clearing your mind through song
Failing to find the right lyrics
Create your own but you have to...
Pick up a pen
Dropping it from exhaustion
Cluttering your mind this time round from phrases
Until finally the right lyrics appear
You picked up that pen
And only dropped it to scribble out confusing letters and thoughts
Don't drop it
'Cause then you'll never be able to pick it up again

I prefer staples over tape.
I prefer someone who's high over somebdy drunk.
I prefer fixing the roof in the rain.
I prefer mashed potatoes.
I prefer teling my secrets to a plush otter than someone who can sell me.
I prefer loving her, rather than him.
I prefer a story that's not quite readable.
I prefer Paramore.
I prefer waking up when it's still morning.
I prefer the drumming of rain that spans over 24 hours  than a year of sun.
I prefer sticking up for myself.
I prefer picking my own battles.
I prefer power outtages as it snows.
I prefer wondering about people.
I prefer yeling to the oppression.
I prefer cuddles when I know you're not perfectly okay.
I prefer ties over skirts.
I prefer Polaroids over selfies.
I prefer to tie my shoes constantly.
I prefer cnvincing mysef she's on another trip
she'll return from, rather than believing she was robbed from us.
I prefer Sora.
I prefer masculinity on myself.
I prefer RedBox movie nights.
I prefer keeping in mind even the possibility that we came out to be that high school couple who beat the odds and made it to forever.

My hand snakes to your ever so inviting lap
I want to hide us under my new baseball cap
It's your first time
Trust me, it'll be quite a climb
You're too afraid to be unleashed so soon
Wanting to stay within your cocoon
I don't blame you darling,
Kids and adults will never quit snarling
Called a coward
Not by me but society's video tapes
My head rests on your shoulder
I hope it doesn't feel like a massive boulder
That's when I come to life
Cut loose like Pinocchio was with a knife
Yet still called a coward
Because we're hidden outside of shadows

The flames making a forest
I got trapped in all the hazy heat
Everything that mattered to me caught in the inferno
My body said to fight
My mind said it was pointless to try.

I lay there
All the safety nets came toppling down on me
Helpless, abandoned, trash, stranded is what I thought I was
Hell, mayhem, and isolation had taken the controls
The terrorists I had been brought up to fear and hate
Had destroyed my life.

They slammed right into my World Trade Centers
My Hope and Fate had jumped off the sides with my Happiness
While  my strength burned inside my heart
Everything ruined to embers and ashes
Now today, I am finally here, I've survived Hell.

I've gotten the rubble pull off me
And I'm done falling
'Cause I've made it to the ground floor
I can see the the smoke clearing, blue skies flooding in
Staggering up, my battle scars are proof
That I made it through Hell and back.
My terrorists are gone, sinking to the ocean floor with anchors of passion
My passion that's sinking, will be taking me to the top.

Through this day, I'm spinning out of control
Crashing into my fate in the form of a dead soul
And I'm praying to some God I don't believe in
Trying to make all my wrongs right as I'm sitting out on the corner, holding a can made of tin
They see me as a ghost
Thinking I have it better then most

Going broke
My home is under the branches of an Oregon White Oak
The fire's dying
Everyday I'm trying
The men in the suits
Don't give a **** that I'm living in a cave of roots

This is the future that's now not so clean and clear
Darling, I know a home seems so far away, a light year
But we can stick this out
Sometime we'll have rain, no longer a drought
Just stay with me another night
For tomorrow, we'll get up and fight.

Sora
Sky
Empty

Take me to your sanctuary
For I will
Empty out the skies to keep them within my heart

Falling into the dream
That I've fallen asleep to every night
With Kairi falling higher and higher into those emptied clouds
And I pray that there's still enough left to cushion her fall

Tell her that I'm at the station
My train's come to let me replace
And bleed out the skies so that she can fall asleep to the stars again.

With the starfruit brushing the shores safely before
I wanna line the pieces up, yours and mine.

Whispers in the dark
Yet they're screaming out my name.
I'm sorry, I just don't care about you anymore.
Needin' the shine of the stars
To guide me on my way.
Back home, I'm wrecked again.
Glad you had a good time.
But the party's over now.
And you're still hungover...
You got high off those **** whispers right?
I think you're just too love drunk to tell the difference.

Bring it on,
I'll gather all my soldiers
And we'll go to war.
Quit sweet talking baby.
You'll get run over.
Tell me this isn't what you wanted
And I'll bring you those whispers again.

So let the battle begin
Head down the side streets of suicide
It's all too much isn't it baby
All to much for you to take.
And you're running, running,
You're running for cover, for your life.
So let the battle begin.

Coping with the wounds,
Bleeding out your sorrow.
I'm not sorry for ending you.
I loved the way you made me feel.
Holding in all the bad in life.
Led me on my way.
Back home, I'm wrecked again.
Not there to clean it all up.
Left alone in the new light...
You're looking for a new high
Find Satan for me will you?
I've got to say something to him.

Come and get me baby,
Drag me back.
I've been waiting to fight.
And maybe to end it all.
Try to cut my wrists again.
You'll be the one who ends up bleeding.
And you ain't got nowhere to hide,
Go ahead and take shelter in the open baby.

So let the battle begin.
Head down the side streets of suicide
It's all too much isn't it baby?
And you're running, running
You're running for cover, for your life
So let the battle begin.

We missed the showers by a night
To crumple together into this human ball
Or breaths and pecks and soft love, touching *******

I want to call it 9:30 again
Turn the lights out and slide
Into bed, with your hands rwching for mine
Hearing your soft smile through the pitch dark

You make me feel human
Capable of emotions other than rejection and resentment
You make me feel wanted
As though I'm something special and
It makes me cry.

The ripped out
crumpled
torn
papers that held
a surprise
has been taped back into the book

She never wanted to adopt
She had
3 miscarriages
So her only resort was adoption

And she ended up with me
A shredded flag that used to be
Something she enjoyed

I don't want to give you the wrong impression
I play my nerves like a pro
I slam imaginary ice packs on my face so you won't notice my blush
I strut like I've got confidence

I laugh quietly
I say only the crucial parts
So I say everything
In an attempt to save your beautiful, loving soul

Focus on the positives
Raise your chin up high
Swim to shore
I'll say your name
Over and over again
The funeral..
The sleek, carved coffin...
The flaming red roses laid atop your body
Your sweet voice blowing in the wind
Reminding me of your favorite tune

Treasure how high you got me
Lift my head up higher
Paddle to the shallows
I'll whisper your last name
Over and over again
The moment...
The realization taking the wheel
The grey, limp clouds sprinkled over my skies
Your touch stinging on my shoulder
Reminding me of our last encounter

Where would I go?
Why would I stick around?
Now that you'd be gone
I'd run to the nearest cliff and plunge over the rocky edge
Or slip under the surface of the river
Maybe dash out into the road

I'd have no reason to carry on
'Cause I'm not strong enough to live out your legacy
Your empire
Glimpse your YouTube picture and kiss it Hello
I'd be seeing you in a few seconds.

But at the same time,
You're only a phone call away
Just need to pick up a stick and press the stars
And you'd be on the line, talking to me
Giving me reason to continue on

Every night,
You would be more alive then ever before
Because when you and I first met
I knew you were the girl for me
And you're different
Lighting a spark in my eyes that had been rained on by my tears

There's not another girl
Like you
Close to you
I'm going to take you so far up
You'll be saying goodbye to your room back in Heaven

Smiling like lunatics
Laughing until we sat in silence
I love you
Strive to make you proud
So I'd stick out down here
While you flew around upstairs

I was sinking from your beauty
Yet floating from your ambition

Why can't I put myself back together?
Why did I have to fall apart in the first place?

Why can't I be like Riley Knowles?
Why did I have to fall under Depression's reigns?

Why can't I simply be happy?
Why did I stop being happy?

WHY can't I laugh just to laugh?
WHY did I try to end my own life so short?


When will I be happy?
When can I smile for real again?

When will I share upbeat memories?
When can I move without gloom following me?

When will I fall in love?
When can I say that I am truly fine?

WHEN will I not be suicidal?
WHEN can I be in remission?

Mist swallows my body whole
Stretchers emerge
Marshlands have captured me
Slime covered my limbs were
Mission Possible no longer
Rain slams down on me
Like bullets in your back
Trees appear to spin
Rough turning to cushy beneath me
Ripples of grass from my tumble
Now through the woods I stumble
No longer awake
Laid to rest
Never witnessing the newest dawn
Living was a luxury...

ME: I'm such a failure Natalie, and then there's you. You;re so ******* perfect in my eyes. You say you don't know because you're afraid of hurting me. I'm so wrecked, you are the only thing that can save me. Not even kidding...
NATALIE: :( I shouldn't be the only reason. Trust me, you'll find someone better then me. More beautiful, a better reason to stay on this earth. Don't leave!! I hope when we're older we meet again and you'll be happy. Don't leave Ali!!
ME: I was right. Tasman, Hannah, YOU. You guys are keeping me here. Besides, nobody will give a **** if I'm gone. I won't find anyone better, you're everything I've been looking for my whole life.
NATALIE: We will care if YOU'RE GONE. ******* it Ali, I care!
ME: But you don't feel the same way back. Am I right?
NATALIE: No you're not right, you're wrong! I love you Ali......
ME: You love me as a friend... right?
NATALIE: Stop asking Ali cause the answer is yes
ME: Wait... yes what???

They hide in the dark
All of a sudden, something in the closet falls
Dead silence
Something moves beneath your bed
A light randomly dies out

Stranded in the darkness
Your windows open
Don't want to go near to close it
Petrified in paranoia
Your cat wakes up.. Won't stop staring at your window
Moving around in your bed, the noise of the rustling sheets
Makes you think you'll alert them that you're hear
Brick still now..muscles clenched

Afraid to breathe
To blink
To move a centimeter out of place
Just stare at every part of your room
Something falls off your wall
Lands on the messy floor of your room
Seems the hours until light won't come quick enough
Trapped in the night
You think you see a little girl walk right through the door
There she is, standing tall.
Looking directly your way.
Takes a step closer to your bed
Staring directly at you, smiling.
A man with a gun tucked in his belt, wearing a large jacket
He steps through the door too

Clamp your eyes shut
Waiting for them to end you
You doze off..
Feels like the little girl has climbed inside your bed and is asleep next to you
You think the sheets are moving as if she's breathing
And the next time you open your eyes,
The sun is breaking the eerily shadowed room you were locked in
Survived through the night.
Gear up for the next one.

Hang these flags as you would have our heads
Trapped from snapshots of two men in one cot
And even when
They weren't lusting, sinning, thrusting
How is it that that is what the puzzle makes out to be
One was terrified of the thunder and lightning
The other looking out for another
But as soon as you conjure up the word brother
All Hell breaks loose and the Chruches scream

Even when the two long haired women tangle together
Scandalous and ****, profits and party
Based on their bust size and hair length
Throw in the noun sister and you have a sold out show

Selective, seducing, masquerades and markets
Like we are some animals bound to your chain
Cut along my veins and hold me to the light anf read me
Etched among myself are the scriptures of the already spoken
And the nes who aren't there yet.

We cannot hold the right to complain or banter
if we were not out in the streets, protesting, saying.

And we've all be persuaded into believing it's a blue sky
Until someone walks up and says it's purple
And the churches will look it up in their books
But who has time now adays for reading?

And so I burn you,
With my heart, my matchstick
Stuff you into a lantern
Raise you into the navy sky

So that my sister,
She can smile without you trying to drag,
Trying to drag her smile into a frown
And so that my sister
Is able to walk around with you gone
So she can walk without a shadow

I'll drag all the smiles in this ****** planet
Just so you could smile
I'll sleigh all your demons
Just so you could laugh a little louder
I'll capture all the stars
Just so you could shine a little brighter

I love you,
Keep fighting
Because you don't have a white flag to plunge into the battle field

These curtains they fold
These lights they shine
And this microphone
It echoes to eventually fade out
I am abandoned to see the chipped wall paper
Soft resonance substitutes yet
My voice is still clenched
Gave way as I beg for
Some to tell me anything anyways, like it's my right
"Speak for her. Encore, encore"

Shambles with bullies and rigs
Fumbling to my chest I lose my breath to
lose my balance

Oh these symbols they rain
And this rain hits
Swallowing us as we manage to
Follow our feet and walk
the walk where our hearts are spread out like
A smock n Picasso or Poe

Troubled to dangle on
Speak for her, encore, encore.
Dripping a nuisance
For my Father I am foreign to your tongue
As I do not intend to spread misguided fortune in a sin
I crumble in my lips speak for her.
As I do not have substitutes
Will you hear me either way.

And I used to be just like you are
But I survived and I'm not just selling
False Hope
Just handing out
Your painfully truthful Fates

No, I am a walking almanac
And I can tell you that in eight months
You will still be trapped down in this dark

I wish you make the best of your time down here
Because this is as bright as it'll get for you.

Goodbye and Good Luck.

She needs just a body
A few stanzas
To fill in the gaps
Where the ribs should expand
But she has no breath
For she needs no air
To keep a heart pumping

Functioning on the smoke
From a joint
That glints in the moon light
Strewn across the lawn
In the night so clear
That she's her own New York

Everything's overdrive
Her daddy taught her how to inhale
And steal her heart away
In hopes that he could breathe again

And he stole her eyes
With the waves washing over him
The strands widening to form a pit
The pupils of New York
Is in the moon

You know the girl without a breath
For she yells the longest and the loudest
You know the girl without a breath

I get away from it
I turn the corner and it's out of sight
But then,
I forget to keep running
So I can never see it again
But it all of a sudden crashes over my life

The walls get reconstructed
Roads start to sag
My legs have nowhere to take me to
So I escape to the meadow that's at the back of my mind

And in the meadow,
There's a tire swing
And it takes me up into the clouds
So I can touch the golden sun

I'm not normal,
I don't come from a normal background..
Because I'm always on the verge of jumping
From the tallest thing I can find
Or the sharpest things
I can get my hands on

So call me a *******
For being trapped and not knowing how to get out
I'm ******* sorry
And I'm ******* ready to surrender
Unraveling the white flag that's hidden inside my sleeve

So you can say your goodbye to me
When you put my coffin into the river
And look on as I keep on running
Because there's nothing to forget about anymore..

Today's a brand new day, new adventures, new thoughts and ideas, new emotions, new questions.
Today's a brand new day and you could change your life around and rebuild your life and get yourself going down the right road and make more light in the world somehow, maybe even if that's just by not hiding who you are and speak your thoughts to some other than a page of notebook paper.

Today is a brand new day. It's up to you to break normality and not make it just another typical day.
Keep looking, you'll see it. I swear.

Today was going to be the start of a new chapter
That today, I would start from scratch
Today was supposed to be a restart

So many people need saving
And I realized that
I can't save them all
Hell, I can't even save one

If I could take the blades away.
If I could take away the need to use a blade.
If I could steal every little bit of loneliness.
If I could capture all the pain and sorrow.
I would.

So many people need saving,
Hell, I can't even save myself...
So how in the Hell am I supposed to save somebody else.

Reach out a hand,
Talk and smile.
You don't know how much it might mean.
Save somebody
Revive a lifeless spirit.
Because so many people need saving.

What's gonna happen when all that's left of you is an empty chair?
The sun won't be as bright.
There will be a shade over my world.

What's gonna happen when the messages stop popping  up in my Skype account?
The Hope will start to sink that you had still remembered me.
There's nothing to believe in anymore.

He lost his dad
Hold onto his hand so he doesn't run
He lost his dad
With the rubble smothering the color of the sky in war.
He lost his dad
Caught sight of the coffin the pain worse than an eight year hangnail.
He lost his dad for God's sake
Could we really say that name in a time like this without a taste of guilt?
He lost his dad
Turn and down half a bottle of alcohol and then tuck him in tonight
Quick, we're running out of paper
He lost his -
The super hero got a little close to the waves and didn't know how to swim
His super hero got too many of these corrupted crazy villians to fight off
And now the hero needs saving while we sit and turn away
He was already under when we look at the empty silhouette panicking
He lost his dad
His super hero

Never let me go,
Do you promise me that?
Or will you say you'll try
Then release me
So I can be at the mercy of the wind..

Looking out on the watchtower
Seeing the birds freely fly,
Knowing that the landing zone will be gone
After today, I am no longer the same.
Seeing the birds freely fly,
Inspiration washes over my stress covered body
After today, I am no longer the same,
Being a leader.
Inspiration washes over my stress covered body
Trying to break free from my shackles
Being a leader
Building a nation of fighters
Trying to break free from my shackles
Knowing that the landing zone will be gone
Building a nation of fighters
Looking out on the watchtower.

I was loosing time
The days were becoming not only shorter
But dimmer, darker, duller...
I realized that I've given every single shirt off my back for people
And I'm not saying I regret doing it,
I just need to take a breather
Make some smarter decisions.
Maybe start listening and learn something in class..

Give me one more shirt
Even if it's only a freaking thread
And I'll prove everything I've got
That I won't donate it to someone
I'll treasure it until the angels call for me

Call me Echo
Cause even though my parents abandoned me
I want to live on where I came from
Go by my rightful calling
Show to the world that I've got things left to keep

For myself,
The world I'm glued in is tearing me to shreds
Now it's 12:00am
My eyes are dried up from all the crying I've done
Nohing left to dig out from the depths

My soul is shallow now...
You can finally see to the bottom
And all my blockades burst into pieces
Flung a million miles from here
Never to be glued back together

I can change the outcome
Moving from here on out
To be a stronger individual
Who listens to see if they're still breathing

The heavy showers of rain
Bare down on my frame
Like that night in a ratty old blanket in the street
But I promise you I'll keep that thread you gave to me
And it'll be embedded into my skin
For no one to use but me
If however..
You give me one more try at this little thing called survival

I miss you
Your story in your eyes
I miss you
Your light touch
I miss you

I miss you a lot
I miss your Axe
I miss you a lot
I miss your comforting, strong hugs
I miss you a lot

I love
Your freckles
I love
Your smile when you make me laugh
I love
Your giggle when I make you happy
I love
Your jeans that I lay my hand on
I love
Your hands
Your legs
Your eyes
Your hair
Anything about you
Makes my heart crazy

My clock is ticking away
Faster then anyone else's
Somehow, I just know

That I'll get a tombstone
Or my own wooden coffin
Way before anyone I know will

And I need you Natalie,
More then I thought I ever had before
More then I thought I would

I'll probably be gone
Before my parents
And I think it's supposed to play out like that

I'm still breathing
Although my lungs are starting to drown
Would you let me sink?

I've needed you Nat,
Even before I knew who you were
More then someone could ever need someone else before
More then I thought I would ever need you

Because Natalie,
You're my life support

Will you promise to hold me while I fall apart?
Will you promise me to light the way we're heading?
Will you promise me those two things?

Will you promise to make me keep breathing?
Will you promise me that you'll hold my hand?
Will you keep these promises if you make them?

Will you promise to be my sister until the end of time?
Will you promise me that we'll make the climb side by side?
Will you promise?

Will you promise me you'll love me?

I hope you love me
I hope you'll climb next to me
I hope you and I will be sisters forever
I hope you take my hand in yours
I hope I keep being forced to breathe
I hope you'll light the way
I hope you will hold me when I fall apart

But that's all I can do.
Is pray, hope, wish, believe you'll keep these promises
Babe, I love you so much, you have no clue.

Taz, you're my sister from another mister.
Just promise me this:
Forever and always, TOGETHER.

One slip of the tongue
The lights flick out
Stars don't rise.. The moon doesn't light the way
Locked in the closet... That's where you wish you were to be
But one slip of the tongue
The cute messages are thrown into the ocean of black and grey
E-mails don't appear... Voice-mails are nowhere to be heard
Stapled to your bed.. That's where you hope to be
It's as simple as one *slip of the tongue

Hearts pounding,
The suicide alarm in your head is sounding
My key just broke in half
Nobody's around to laugh
So I walk to the door
Knowing exactly what I'm looking for

December walks in the fading light
My face turning a pale white
Looking out on the river, seeing the Black Sea
My eyes seem to deceive me
I close up like a dead flower
At night, my head turns into rush hour

The voices
They seem to grow nearer with all my choices
Trapped in the back of a car going up in flames
And the police are tryin' to get my parents names
But it was already too late
I was headed over since the age of eight

Nothing but an empty room
And now all that's left is a filled tomb
I took a girl with me as I went
Two lives got spent
Makes me go numb
My pulse is racing... a drum

Swirling out of reality
My strength is sinking, just like my mentality
To stay here, to stay alive
There's a ember inside of me, to survive
Loving lost ones
The burden of it weighing tons

Heart's pounding,
The suicide alarm in your head is sounding
December walks in the fading light
My face turns to a pale white
The voices they seem to grow nearer with all my choices
Noting but an empty room
Now all that's left is a filled tomb
Swirling out of reality
My strength is sinking, like my mentality

Let me run away
To holde you late in the night
And make it alright

Even if I'm broken, I've got my heaven around me
With the blue eyes of my sky I've so gruelingly
waited in this water as my legs began to give out
Praying for this rain of mine to subside
Inside, I see the warmth of your smile under the halo
'Cause after all, only the beautiful breach Heaven's Doors
White dove etched in my wrist flew to your lips
to unlock your heart of its holy water
So please taint my blood though it's not thicker than water
Chase these chains to make this being afraid
into I'm afraid but I've got Heaven underneath me
One disasterous paradise within me that you
dig for and find my Hell is seven oceans deeper than
The sky is full_ but even if I'm broken
I've got my heaven surrounding me
as your blue eyes wipe away the crush of my tides
Please let me call you love
Because even when I'm broken
You are my heaven that surrounds me.

You're everything I want to be. You have everything I've ever wanted. You live what I want to live and you don't even notice me reaching out to save myself. I'm starting to think you only say you love me because that's what family is supposed to do. But really, you could care less about me now that you're off for two or three days at a time, getting back at 3 a.m. And I couldn't care less if I woke up tomorrow morning or not..
People want to read my life, want to know my life, then you might as well replace me and let me free from always being picked on and teased and underestimated and criticized because of who I love, what I choose to wear and how short I have my hair.

My grandmother said that I was the light of her life but it's because she doesn't have anything really going on in her life anymore. She'll question every little thing about me, and eventually, I'm on the verge of yelling at her to just let it all go and ready to cry..

The words are starting to cut deeper than they ever have before, I'm at a crossroads on my life and all I can go is down to sink to the floor and right now, I just want to stay there for a long time. I haven't cried so hard in my life and if this is misspelled then I'm sorry because I can't see the keys clearly from my tears.. I know most of you who happen to read this, will think, 'oh **** it up, it's nothing.' but it means something to me and it's going to affect my future right now in this moment.

Feeling in the wrong body = Wrong
Wanting to sleep for a few hours = Wrong
Laying out in rain soaked grass = Wrong

I want to try and wake up when everything's a lot more right.

Rebuild your tracks, but not retrace as the solo idea takes flight.  They're just words kid, string 'em together and see what you find.  Stuffed behind records and splattered on parchment. They make history out of these things girl,  you just ****** a stick, dab some mud and tattoo your unscathed hands. Like all these words make the greatest neighbor hood. You can see the stage from way out in outer space.

Just an e-mail
That floods the dam
And shoots a smile onto your face
That no choir director could ever put there

Just a connection
That crashes over the waves that drown you
And holds you to the stars in the night sky
That shine only in your eyes

When a simple e-mail
Makes you smile a childish, pure smile
And makes you cry after the first sentence,
Knowing
You have a connection

That somebody will ALWAYS be there
That you will NEVER be abandoned, stranded
It's quite honestly the best feeling a human can have
You have a reason worth more then gold
To pick yourself up
Put your feet one  in front of the other
Battle each battle like its your last

Just from an e-mail
Just from a minute to keep me alive and assured

I was falling from a skyscraper
A few seconds, a few more jokes
Until I hit the concrete and the light
flickered out into the black night and fog.
But you saw me frozen, lost
And you reached out your hand and gave me another chance.

A fighter, survivor
We're all one in the same after those 9 months of Hell

I love you more then words could even begin to describe
I don't think you truly know just how much you saved me.

This world
This planet
This Earth
This sphere of sand and mud and rock and leaves and water...
This "home"

Will not last forever
There's going to be a time
When we split in half maybe...
Or we just implode from rotting

This whole thing
Why the Earth even exists
Why people were created
Is pointless when you think about it
Because in the end
We were just an experiment
This whole thing... was just a test

When we think we're getting somewhere
We aren't
When we're falling lower then we ever have before
We're just heading towards our self-destruction
So who cares if all of a sudden
Everything we know.. just quits
And it all ends?
Who cares about saving a self-destructing mass of material?

Diving down
Feel the murky bottom in your fingers
Spinning down
Connect with the roots
Ancestors watching over you
In the sparkling blue sky
You see a new start.

Scratched, scuffed
Your soul pressed into each pedal
The bike's taking you places you've never even heard of
******* it all in
Wanting someone there to see it with you
But you go on alone.
Getting lost in all the possibilities
The future holds

Look into the hourglass
And see that the gold sand, is still running
Less and less is falling
The mound is growing, filling up the river
Elementary days, becoming murky layers sticking to the bottom
But patches still shine in all the cool, inviting darkness
We can do this
36 more months of school
And we'll be together again

Will I hear you again?
Or even see you open your eyes?
If only I could have one last chance
...
I wouldn't change anything
Except make it easier on Mom

She took her ring off Dad
Left it by her pain killers
You tried your best, it wasn't good enough
Things have finally wrapped up
Just like you are this very moment

Seeing you in a casket,
Wrapping my still young hands around your fist
Tears staining your new dress shirt
Speaking for the dead, listening to the alive

Searching for the memory
Of the Concrete Cross
Reading the numbers of your hospital room
All of it a mixed memory,
Slowly sharpening

I'll miss you Dad
I guess I'm supposed to say:
I love you
But I'll walk through the Church doors
My last words to you were
I'm disappointed

Goodbye Dad
Summer, now just a ball of ruined treasures hanging above me
5.23.13

Goodbye Dad.

In the midnight cold I'll be the hand that closes
the shades 'cause now it's just a chilly stale air coming through the window
And when you're fast asleep under the sheets I'll be the
far away breath from thinking of how I'll say
Goodmorning not to the beautiful
but to the breath taking simplicity which
Spills from your veins to illuminate my aching smile
Because I would give my all for you
to be more than just in love with you
So
In the July dawns as the concrete begins to waver under our feet
I will be the cool on the back of your neck
For when you walk down those steps I'll be that
railing that reminds you of home when you
float not just through space, but through the door of my heart
but like a tide, you and I together ebb and flow in
Over the rocks we've been bloodily beaten, though we continue our strides
There is nothing I wouldn't do to gaze at your
blue eyes as if they were only the entire night sky
As I am home nowhere but within hearing distance of your soft breathing
For I am truly more than in love with you.

Speaking softly to yourself.
She's in the room across the hall.
And you're afraid to cry if she hears you..
Just speaking what you're going to ask her.
"Mom, would you let me be a guy?"
And all of a sudden, your whisper is shaking
and tears of worry and shame slip down your cheeks

I feel more lost
And yet more found on this night
I pace in the mirror
pull out a pink sweater shirt
"If you like how you look in this, don't tell her"
I think as I pull it over my shoulders
I hate how I look...
It's not me.
Grab my skater jacket and cover up the pink
And then I smile. This is me.
I have to do it one way or the other.

Disguised in empty words,
Well written verses better left unspoken
I wish I could fake as well as you always did

Slaved over by determined friends
Who can't undo the past
And make all my wrongs right

As we own this night,
We were out of control.
Please won't you push me for the last time
Let's scream until there's nothing left
I'm so sick of playing,
I don't want this anymore.

But you want my eyes to continue to see
And my hands to carry on feeling
You want it more then I ever have
You push me to the light
But I don't want to see it.
I just shut my eyes

And I'm going crazy,
Mom and Dad,
Did you search for me?
When all I could see was suicide road?

With heaven above you,
There's Hell over me
The world I'm looking at is a wasteland
And it's my only retreat to expectations

Float away from fantasies
****** and sunken
That's all that's running through my head

As the sun went down,
I crashed to the ground,
I heard the train shake the window
You screamed over the sound

But all I could see is this wasteland called Earth
And I was seeing suicide road again
I'm out of control,
As the school day tumbles on..

I'm fine.. I just had this idea in my head and wanted to write it out!
What do you guys think?

As the waves rise,
I beg for the clouds to quit dragging by above me..
And for the ball of light to become visible
The clouds would float away,
The sun to rise and fall...

Natalie T ='s

My hope
My laugh
My smile
My shoulder to lean on
My hand to latch onto
My voice
My eyes
My heart
My savior
My love
My compass
My everything good in this world

I think you're the reason why:
Why I have insomnia,
Why I lay awake through the night, restless and disappointed
Why I fall asleep to lies and impossibilities
Why I wake up in the morning and swear at my reflection

I also believe that you're the reason why:
Why I have a heart
Why I breathe air and blink
Why I trip over that air in the hallways
Why I smile, trying to reassure myself that we never would end up together

Ever have those days of no light?
Where you want your name inscribed into a piece of stone?
Or wishing you could be that weeping willow that's draping the hill side?

Both seen and unique
Voices from above recall the day you earned your name on that stone
Fingers from all decades retrace marks in your bark from when they were weeping by that willow

Both monumental and irreplaceable
Days roll by
A lone crow calls into the thunderous clouds
Rose petals paddle on the breeze

Mud trickles down your roots,
Slips into the etched name that you were born with on that pristine piece of stone
No one will ever make sense of it all
Because no one will ever crave to have a stone like yours
And no one will ever weep by that willow
Or hear that call from the lone crow
Or watch the petals float along in the breeze

The calendar will mark
That day
When the angels call you
And you don't come

The watch on my wrist will show
That hour
When the angels come for you
And you begin to run the other way

The angels, all dressed in white
Will steal you
They will raise you up into the thunderous, sorrowing clouds

And you no longer live in a world that's
Lit by the Shadows in the Night

As I sit here, alone in this room
You're body shutting down, calling it quits
My disbelief, anger, it all gets hidden.
I just sit and helplessly stare.

The clock hanging just above the door
It counts out time, every tick and tock
Signals one less breath you'll take as you limply lay there
One less chance for you to smile and be okay.

Everyone's saying you're too far gone already
Mom's willing to pull the plug
Seeing the bandages swallow all of you
Hiding your Irish, brutal skin

If only you hadn't drove home
And set your hands on your knees, instead of the wheel
Swerving, colliding, killing, dying
Dad, you stole someone's life from them

Soon, you'll be leaving us behind, I can see it in the I.V.'s
Forcing us to live as, "That drunkards kids"
I find it funny how one thing can push you clear off the edge
Destroying a life and yet you still have yours, it's unfair

Funny how when you're falling,
You ***** everything up.
Even though you're already gone.
Daddy, why did you do it?