The colors
Brightening, lightening, darkening, dimming
Grey to green to fragile white skies
I'm crying because I love you
I'm crying because you're someone I believe in

The walks
The talks
The distance we traveled
Not only in miles, but in heartbeats
We just walked around the rings of Saturn and back

I wanted to maybe take your hand and hold it in mine
Grey skies, with the droplets splattering your neighborhood
I wanted to wrap my arms around your waist
Maybe rest my head on your shoulder to show you exactly what you mean to me

The crunch and scuffs
the background music to our walk
And I'm crying because I love you
Crying because I know that this girl who I think the world of
Would never want to be mine
And we'll never walk around the rings of Saturn again
I'll never feel like you took me to another planet.
A planet of hope and happiness and strength and support

Darkening, dimming
The lights are fading
And I'm wanting to take your hand
And take another walk tat leads us to Jupiter

I can smile because I love you

Hi Mom,
I've been trying to tell you and I already have, but you took it as a joke and when you ask questions , you've always had this tone of disapproval if I said yes. But mom, I'm a guy. Not a tomboy girl but like an actual guy that's just stuck in the wrong skin.
I don't want to be known as a girl. I never have because it's not who I am. I'm not your daughter, or Ali or anything that has to do with being a female. I'm pretty sure you could sense I wasn't ever a girl anyways. I've always wanted to be and act liek Sean and Dad. Not how you or Grandma would act. I want to be your other son, Jamie. That's who I am. That's who your youngest kid is Mom.
I feel super awkward whenever we go shopping for clothes because I don't belong in the girls section. I want to wear mens clothes mom, mens shoes and keep my super short hair. Because I'm me whenever I get the chance to wear mens clothes and be looked at as being a boy. And in public, when people mistake me for a guy, I actually really like it because that's who I actually am.
Mom, I'll be a high schooler next year and I want to be known as Jamie. A guy. School would be a lot easier and better for me if I was known as and reffered to as a guy. Plus, I wouldn't get second guessed all the time if I were a guy. And I know you'll probably say, "No. I'm not going to call you Jamie or male pronouns and you're not going to dress like a guy." but mom, this is who I am. And I'm going to be me, no matter what.
I love you a lot mom, and I would've told you sooner or later but now I can live as me and not have to worry about being a girl. I'm still your second kid too, I just go by a different name and gender now. And to be fair, you've never really had a daughter in the first place, just a son trapped in the wrong skin and clothes. I love you and am glad I can live my life as me.

Love,  Jamie

****** boy, ****** boy
You're playing with the wrong toy
That truck is only for the boys

Lost girl, Lost girl
Put on a pink dress, spin around and twirl
That's what you're supposed to do

****** boy and Lost girl
They're one person, their life is unfurled
A hell washed over hir and now hir head's underwater

H. I. R.
Not a her or he clearly

And I want to just scream, no
But ****** boy put down that toy
Lost girl, go put on that dress and twirl
My mind says trucks and mud
But the bigger people say to twirl

And so I twirl
Around this world, placing my feet on the continents
Singing to the oceans as I glide on top of them
And so I twirl..

But maybe I want to watch while my daddy's fixing our car
And maybe I don't twirl the way all the girls do
Maybe I have a rougher, less eloquent twirl

But Maybe I want to listen as my brother's talking football plays
And maybe I don't have the brightest, girliest smile
Maybe I've got one only fit for a boy

Maybe I want to play with trucks until the sun hides
Maybe I want to be the quarterback on the field
Maybe... I want to make cities in the sand box

Maybe it's because... I am a boy.

You're everything I want to be. You have everything I've ever wanted. You live what I want to live and you don't even notice me reaching out to save myself. I'm starting to think you only say you love me because that's what family is supposed to do. But really, you could care less about me now that you're off for two or three days at a time, getting back at 3 a.m. And I couldn't care less if I woke up tomorrow morning or not..
People want to read my life, want to know my life, then you might as well replace me and let me free from always being picked on and teased and underestimated and criticized because of who I love, what I choose to wear and how short I have my hair.

My grandmother said that I was the light of her life but it's because she doesn't have anything really going on in her life anymore. She'll question every little thing about me, and eventually, I'm on the verge of yelling at her to just let it all go and ready to cry..

The words are starting to cut deeper than they ever have before, I'm at a crossroads on my life and all I can go is down to sink to the floor and right now, I just want to stay there for a long time. I haven't cried so hard in my life and if this is misspelled then I'm sorry because I can't see the keys clearly from my tears.. I know most of you who happen to read this, will think, 'oh **** it up, it's nothing.' but it means something to me and it's going to affect my future right now in this moment.

Feeling in the wrong body = Wrong
Wanting to sleep for a few hours = Wrong
Laying out in rain soaked grass = Wrong

I want to try and wake up when everything's a lot more right.

I'm the unwanted one
The second kid
The youngest
The annoying one who won't go away

I swear, they want to get rid of me
I'm all problems
I feel so alone
I've been used

They mock me constantly
They destroy me with ease
They wonder why I've been depressed
They ignore me, push me away

My parents did everything they wanted to with my brother
And now, they just don't think I'm here
They wished I wasn't in the family

I just don't know where to go
Stick up to them, nothing happens
Hide away, and I die inside...

I'm nothing
But a freak, a misfit, a ******* mistake
A regret, a loser, an ***

I hate myself more then anything else in the world
I want to rip my skin apart
Break windows and bust down doors
Nothing will ever be good enough for people
I want to end it all
I'm done
I give up

I'm giving in.
I'm nothing.

You took me up so high. Higher then the Empire State Building. You took me up higher then my drugs could. You're the reason why I gave up my drug addiction and fought to be free. I've been clean ever since that night you helped me come down off my dirtied high. Thank you.

You dragged my sorry *** up off rock bottom and I've still got some cuts and bruises from then, but it's gonna be the reason I'm still alive in 2080. Same goes for you babe. Thank you.
You yanked me off the edge of the bridge near my house on a dark, rain-soaked night when I thought there was no one who loved me and wanted me. From that night on, I silently promised you each time I walked on the bridge, I would make it to the other side. I'm still here today... Thank you.
You held me the day after the "Suicide Night" happened and I was scared of the shadows.. of everything. You told me that I'd be okay... that you'd be right there with me and you wouldn't let them take me. You never once gave up on me. I'm alive because you held me for all the days until summer came. That's the best decision you'll ever make. I owe you. I love you. Thank you.
You're why I cried myself to sleep most nights since 1st Grade. I wanted to be perfect for you.Be your tiny little Romeo even though the world knew me as a little girl. You've always been that Juliet every boy dreams about. I felt like I was bringing you down. But I guess I wasn't somehow. Thank you.
You're the sole reason I'm so strong and brave. Brave enough to tell you all my filthy, ****** problems. Brave enough to trust you with my life. You're never gonna let go of me. I'll hold you forever. Thank you.
You're my wish on Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we'd all wish for one thing we wanted to have or happen and every ******' year, I wished for you to live forever and be happy. I regained my belief in miracles because of you Taz. Thank you.
You're the one and only thing I'm grateful and thankful for in my life. Nothing's worth you and our bond. At dinner on Thanksgiving, I would look to the window and say, "I'm grateful that Tasman's in my life and she gives me a world worth living in." Every ******* year baby. I love you with all my heart and everything else. Thanks.I hope I could do the same for you.