In forever Autumn
We learn that death is not ugly
Painted in multicolour,
Even here the Creator's hand leaves its mark
It is in dying that we can know the order of things
And in death that we can know rebirth

The world is like an ocean.
Lost in a sea of strangers,
Hidden in the deep as a stone
Unknown, I stand alone.

But there is a God who sees me,
He is the one who saves,
Loves me and empowers me
To rise victorious above the waves.

To my heart's companion:

I have learned to unlove
Many whom I once thought worthy,
But thro' the long years,
In silence and in speech,
I have not begun to learn
How to unlove thee,
My heart's companion

It was your quiet presence
Your pure intent to delight in me
Only because I was your friend
And you were mine

Where once I was known to no one
Invisible and hidden I came
I showed you who I was
And you saw me

We may not be ever attached
As we once were
But if I could ever learn to unlove thee
I would no longer be me

The past years would lose all its meaning
I would not be the one you loved
I would not be the one you knew

Since I cannot be anyone other than me
I must love you until my last breath
You could not become any less dear to me
From year to year to year

For you entered my life
You taught me what true friendship was
And it was more beautiful than what I knew "friendship" could possibly be

It was not just knowing a person by name
Knowing their likes and dislikes
It was not even just knowing their joys and their pains
Friendship was seeing a person for who they truly were
Seeing where they had come from and the journey their life had taken
To arrive at this point
It was accepting
It was uplifting
It was showing you when you forgot that you are worthy of love
It was healing
It was binding wounds of the past
Forgiving when hurts were caused
And feeling the other's pain more than one's own
It was loving at all costs
It was being present in hardship
It was taking joy in your victories as though they were my own

My joy was in knowing you
And in letting you know me
We saw in each other
What we could become

You are a mother now and so am I
You have your share of victories and defeats
In this cruel life
We have gone through heartache
We have soared
Yet still I am here waiting
Let me share this life with you
Let me see you once again

In all the sweat and blood and tears
My sister, my friend
Let me be present
We do not ever need to be alone

Long, I have waited
Long, I dared not breathe
Not to hope
Not to look

For my great lights were gone
Moon and Sun were lost to me
Eye downcast, there was only the ground
It would be still if you had not bounded up to me

Asking nothing, being yourself
You, dancing
I, watching
And, curiously lifting my eyes to the sky
You twinkled at me

A point of true light
Not captivating as Moon
Nor potent as Sun
Tremulous diamond in my dark dark sky
Where black had once overtaken

Sight piercing the gloom
I could see the trees again
The shadow of verdant grass appeared
The wind picked up the timid leaves
Spilling over the soft hillocks

Heaven had opened its hand to me
There was yet a light left for me
One among others
You are my Star

After dark when sun's gone down
Until it is truly gone for me
At once it ends my need for sight
And softly passing the breeze lets me be

Hush that harsh cry, deafen the noise
Silence muffles the claws of sin
I will not look again behind me
Nor hear the ringing fadeless din

All the steps leading on the path before
Further into the unknown night
My feet drag on but surely on
No cliffs, no pause, no cause for light

If my heart fails not and soul yet survives
Past the line of death or life
I find my feet at last ascending
Raising me out of bitter strife

And then what greets me on the edge of night
Is a silvery thread, yet strong as a rope
Thrown down by a Saviour's love
Caught up by my hand beyond the *****

With tears I cried, "Have mercy on me, a sinner!"
My eyes lift up though my feet are worn
His hand grasps mine and now I know
Beyond the night comes the morn

I came to you thinking I would speak
But in your presence I was silent
I found no more voice to speak
I found no more tears to cry

How much ache I had been keeping
Locked inside my heart
Years of grief and disappointment
Taught me life is pain

At last I turned into your chest
As only a father's strength can give
I had no more voice to speak
I had no more tears to cry

Your shoulder bore my burden
Your arms welcomed me
For your love is the home I can count on
You always listen to me

And this time I was silent
Yet your heart heard mine
You told me I am your daughter
And you lavished your love on me

Now I know what it means
To find my rest in you
To let you carry me
When I thought I couldn't go on

You were not too busy for me
You never go silent on me
If I only care to listen
All the time in the world was mine

When I hurt you sit next to me
Always you are near my broken heart
All I need to do is lean
Dad, I love you

This way to Dead End Street
I saw the signs say
But the next one said
No U-Turn
Or I might have put that one up

I dread what I will find
When once I reach the end
No matter how fast or slow I tread
There's only one direction I can go
To the end of Dead End Street

It is inevitable
So I turn my focus
From its existence to its manner
For what does the horizon show
When I approach this cliff?
Still I am crawling
On the path of Dead End Street

Over the final view
I take in my last breath and plunge
Down past the fence
Of Dead End Street

It wasn't the end as I had feared
In falling I found my release
At the fence of Dead End Street

crashing down down
daggers splitting flesh and bone
piercing every part of me
holes in my skin
but what oozes out of me
drips to the ground
red mixed with gold
blood and light
love spilling everywhere
how long 'til i'm empty?

Once a living fire
Now a dying fire

There lingered a poor ember among the ashes
Poker in my hand, I stoked the fading flames
Just to behold a weak burst of light
With no force of will of its own

I set the poker down beside me
And watched the final flicker
Transfixed on what remained
Its last breath reflected in diamonds brimming

Without my hand it dies
And shivering, I close my eyes
A single tear escapes like a creek
Down a dry bed of cheek

Light extinguished
Darkness anguished

I close my eyes to a world of light
To enter a land that gives me sight
Into the deep crevices of this old mount
No obscure thing beyond true count
Before every view that emerged in the mind
I ached with all my strength to find
That one object my heart doth seek
As lost as I beyond this silent peak
Into the distance your footprints spread
"She wants to be found," the old man said
Following each step ere I learned to walk
Tripping down the sandy turf and rock
There stood you beside the foamy reef
Your eyes sank far into your grief
Tears fell crashing with a reason
Yet I felt the restraint of the season
What was to be done as we stood still
Between the sea and a wind blown chill?
Did I know what would take hold
When I at last dared to break the cold?
Hesitating, reaching, my being drew yours near
In that moment I knew no more fear
The memory of long past was the truth of the now
For I had not changed, I know not how
Embracing your frame as though I had never
And again my lips tasted the salt of that river
So long since I had traversed these lands
Yet not forgotten as I clasped your hands
Bringing them to meet my feeling
Momentously washing your fingers with healing
I covered each one with a freeing balm
Until the last exquisite one, then calm

I heard you thinking on the other side.  And the flashes of neurons left me thunderstruck when your words boomed.

All men think they know what is love,
For heat burns heat into a fire.
'Tis not a heat that fuels some passions,
But a song of night into the cool cool night.
Wafting and drifting wind awakes,
Delicious air strokes the senses,
A new eye is stirred and twinkling, hushed.
Two can dream under a starry blanket
And gaze one to another freely unhidden
As words unspoken are known unbidden.
Thoughts bend down striving to bestow,
And inspiration lifts its chin unafraid to meet,
Yet even as the gifts are granted they know
A thousand kisses are not enough.

How much sting can a memory hold?
What halls my heart had walked
Between its columns a warmth and I,
Happy in the company of known things:
Whispers in the secret chambers,
Delight in solitude but for you.

The bitter cold,
The hollow shell,
Giving a semblance and structure to that which once was.
Flown is the fleeting sun;
The days were numbered.
Here, the ebb and tide of many tears brought a sting upon this
   beach of skin,
Washed ashore drifting bones and dead things -
The flesh has rot
What once was alive and beautiful -
And left the deep ache of memory
Of a home now lost.

Form of imagination and reality
Lovely and great
She inspires colour
A presence evoking power

How delicate each moment passes
A swift side glance
Ignites passion in this pulse
Tenderness in perfect clarity
Soft as the two parts
Held breathlessly open waiting

My mouth brings forth all emotion
Daring to slip in her direction
Forgiving and giving
The deepest buried treasure gladly
Pausing eternally with one thought
Of the throne of love
Where beauty sits

Gentle gift upon your lips
All richness painted by neurons
Pulse stopping because it does not think
What was it?

Once, I loved the silver Moon
As a sister to my heart was she
Brightness piercing a blackened sky
Washed in glow her face turned to me

But black sky consumes finally
New steps were taken in blindness
Looking up, the Moon had disappeared
Into naught but a side of darkness

Once, I loved the golden Sun
The sweet earth bathed in her light
Was entirely a different place
In her presence there was no night

But the Sun knew not why she shone
And I lost the meaning of colour
Seeing life through eyes now faded
Like white and cold and winter

I wander through the galaxy
Aware of stars in the distance
No impulse to find a new light
Among all the fair heavens

Silence kills my spirit
As Distance draws from a dark well,
But nothing can quench the eternal flame
Which burns for the life of one.

Shall my light fall on the skin of others
While absence pains my very flesh
And memory gnaws at my bones?
So deep beyond were the travels of one.

My insides spilled out on the table;
The treasures of my heart were laid open;
The broken shards of my past were fingered lovingly,
Guided across by the hand of one.

All the world and the people in it
Are oblivious to the world within.
They know not of such things,
Hidden to all but the eyes of one.

my heart tends towards
your ***** in warmth of night
four arms encircling

Watching the scene with keen blue eyes,
There, rough rocks, hills and mountain rise.
Up, up the firmament he flies.

Forever youthful, fast and strong,
His mighty wings like canvas long;
He squishes his prey with his prong.

Like him, I see the open sky.
The hot air makes my wet eyes dry;
I'm burnt with fire, my thoughts flow by.

The winds below me sweep the sand.
Near the sun o'er a lonely land,
Soaring high, not a single friend.