I'm an actor in a play
But I always play the fool

To amuze the many eyes
And be treated oh so cruel

They love to make me cry
And to treat me like a tool

This world won't let me die
That's the one and only rule

I can never feel alive
Always feeling like a ghoul

What I do is carry burdens
I was made to be a mule

I am just ones and zeros
My thoughts are made of bool

I see them all around me
Like I'm the center I'm the spool

I need all of their attention
Their amusement is my fuel

I'm a character in a game
And I love to play the fool

I'm a coward by nature
And I feel no shame
I treat others as greaters
They say I'm not sane
I do what you tell me
And I take all the blame
I will give you my all
Even if I am lame
You can take all I have
And I'll love you the same
I will give you my heart
While you give it pain

I lost you, and that's when
I found where I loved you

You were part of my foundation
Now you're gone and so's my coordination
A train with broken tracks
Without you, can I reach any destination?

You were the wall at my back
Now I fall and no one's there to catch
Now I fight enemies on both sides
From my future and my past

You took torn parts of me with you
When you left the places where I loved you

When I apologized to you...

What I really meant was that I have spent every moment since that day wishing I could go back and undo the damage I did...

What I really meant was that I spend my days dissociating and chasing distractions just to forget how much I hurt you...

What I really meant was I sometimes wish I never existed so you wouldn't have been hurt by me...

What I really meant was that I isolate myself so I never hurt anyone like I did to you...

What I really meant was...

I still love you...

Always the lover
Never the loved

Always the listener
Never the heard

Always the giver
Never the receiver

Always the healer
Never the healed

Always the helper
Never the helped

Always the hugger
Never the hugged

Never forgetting
Always forgotten

The pain I feel every day from losing you pales in comparison to the joy I felt the moment you were mine to lose.