Blood trickles from my fingers,
From my hands
gripping the pen tighter
with barbwire wrapped around it
The physical pain
Puts distance between me
and my emotions
Ink drips out as it mixes with my blood
Writing shallow words on paper
making my life more tolerable
As the hatch to my traumatized self
stays shut for just a little while longer.

Blood drips from my finger tips.
Pieces of my soul glue together my shattered heart.
The mirror is the purest witness of my self.
Eyes that acknowledge my past, present and future self.
But even a mirror can be broken.
It's vision can become blurry through the tears from the eyes that perceive the mirror as pure and honost.
Fragile is all existence, it's strength lies in flexibility and endurance.
Strength is the power to stay, to bend and adapt. The power to reflect back, to stare into the eyes of the future and to see the path you're carving. Not to control it but to bend it to your will with the goal of staying just a little bit longer. Another minute in which you can make a difference, another minute to bend your path and another minute here within the fragile fabric of this web called existence.

Stand tall, overpowering all
an essential part of your essence
as much as I am part of you
I am an alien when compared to what you are
an individual amongst individuals
I am all of me there is no one else
no other race, no brother or sisters
but my perants are different..

My character, arrogance
insatiable greed
I
reside in both the strong and the weak
I'm there seven days in a week
and when all of you die
I cease to exist

Burn up oxygen in the sky
the deadly diet for the Ozon layer
push bottled water for max profit
throwing plastic bottles in the oceans water
Let a kid get rich for inventing plastic fishing techniques
in the deep pacific
monopolise it, capatalise it
full shelves of salty ocean water in your local shopping district
use manipulation tactics
Commercials filled with communication riddles
that I use to talk to my inner sanctum.
Because I am inside all of you
a part of your essence
an alien inside you
born in the present
I am your Thirst for Progression
A mindset sickening.

Slither,
Slither in that ***** disgusting tarpit of yours
Suffer,
Suffer under the sheer weight of your own demise
as you pethetically die
crushed by the weight you handed yourself
in your own life
Never look up, keep looking down
The darkness of tar blinds you
not realising how low you have sunk
so disgustingly pethetically low..
Wither,
Wither away without ever seeing light
without ever seeing green fields
that you would simply stain with your presence
as merely gazing upon others would corrupt their hearts
with black spots and their minds would rot
within their bodies, infected cursed to damnation
Watch me.. Look me in the eyes
as I throw feathers down, followed by a lit match
Listen, as I loudly laugh at you burning
Standing yet again on the tarpit I climbed out of
forever victorious as my corrupted self
dies in excruciating pain
in the most humiliating way
Smoke rises from the tarpit
and the scent of my self
being burned to crisps
sparks screams of panic
from the living dead
that lie buried
in the Graveyard of my defeated Selves

I just realized that it took me quite some time to realize that it takes quite some time to realize things you really need to realize.

Roll spliffs so big the smokerings turn passive smokers paralytic.
- Psiklone

Meditate in the depths of my anger
untill I am one with my rage
Furiocity ferociously revolving
around me
coiling around my psyche
as it enters my heart
blood pumping hate
to my muscles
tense as they stiffen
and when they quickly relax
you'll notice I have perfect control
and that I sharpened my weapons
for a relentless attack.

The man that couldn't die, I took a look inside the 'Book of Life' but couldn't find my ******* name!
- Possessed.

I feel like I'm standing on the precipice
Another leap of faith
Another leap in the dark
Another trust fall

Facing the choice of self-belief
To persue a different path
with hardships to endure

Do I dare persue this passion?
Does my heart point in this direction?
I listen.. and calm my self.

Deafening winds on the mountain
I stand
I climbed high
I came from far

I grab my gear
and pack my experience

I smirk
ofcourse I'll jump

Because the difference now is.
that my brothers are waiting for me.

My thoughts glide through the air
a falling leaf during spring
Let's not be mistaken
The tree is a God
discarding the leafs
that thought infity was within their grasp
but the tree is just
He who does not judge
is free of sin
yet a slave to virtue
The tree roots buried deep
desperately clinging to Earth which gives him life
A God amongst mortals
is a mortal as well
Where the leafs failed
the tree succeeded

My thoughts glide through the air
a falling leaf during spring
A God amongst mortals

....
My eyes open
what I see is mist
green sillhouettes
a black sun
wicked souls
entering rifts
****** inside
confinement
bringing out all sins
they are hiding
but leaving their loved ones
silently crying beside them
blinded
voilently waving his arms
numerous desperate attempts to find them
hands extend to show him love and to soothe him
but every attempt literally goes right through him
his voice taken away
replaced by shrieks of the ******
family suffering
forcefully leaving this man
I got to flee while I can
before I share the same fate
get back to the world of the living
climbed the tallest skyscraper
within my partially impaired vision
and I fall, dead in front of The Necropolis Gate
A rift opens behind me..

I'll leave life with my masterpiece lying in death.
I'll leave life with all the answers that beat in my chest
I'll leave life with all the insight I had in my head.
I'll leave life with unspoken words left in my breath.
I'll leave life and hug those that may be next to my bed
I'll leave life and hopefully my hope will wear me
close to her chest
I'll leave life and I hope she knows my soul
hasn't left.
I'll leave life and see where hope is taking me next.

The Earth is 4,5 billion years old...
4,5 billion years of memories experienced by both life and atoms.
You can almost grasp what it was like back then
The strangely familiar feeling, warm and comforting
as if it's part of you and as if you are part of it
The world stares back when you stare at 'it'
Thus the world is watching you walk
it has no eyes because it has no need for it
it can see clear and it's eye pierces
what no eye can ever see
The serene being living for over 4 billion years..
Can you fathom the life experience? What it has been through?
I can't and I know I'm not ready yet.

But what I do know of my soul is that it's commited to something.
It's trying to achieve something for over two thousand years now.
It would be truly grand if a soul's lifetime lasts a lifetime of Earth.
I find purpose in knowing that I want to achieve something over
a time of multiple lives. It makes me feel less useless because it gives me time to further develop myself. And when I talk of family I can't help but wonder. What if I'm your successor and I have committed myself to the task that you have when it is time for you to retire?

We already are, because we consist of molecules and atoms build up in a particuler way.
Inside of the core of these atoms lies a new different world with a weird reality.
This is called quantum physics.
It is known that one quantum particle interacts instantaneously
with a different particle if it's directly affected.
Basically meaning that if you react, it directly affects the reality around you due to quantum particles directly interacting with eachother
Thus you are at two places at once.

Hysterical laughter comes from a voice within me.
It should reach your ears, since you are not deaf to voices silenced.
Paranoia entered my brain, panic attacks happen
and I can only sleep when my body collapsed.
I effectively murdered the poet that lingers within me
it died horribly, painfully and I'm still bleeding.

I'm enjoying this feeling of agony.

- Stevie Ray de Vries Andries.

I still owe you a million kisses. Price of love.

My voice fades...
Can you still hear me?
The masks are shattered.
The heart of Heartless
ripped out by it's own mask.

The pain is still..
I expected an eerie silence..
Or a merciless cold.
But I meet a loving warmth
with the subtle taste of tears as a response.

In this prison remains me.
Part of me left without letting me know.

The irony of iron bars..
it lingers with.. sadness still..
with pain and grief..
and silence..hesitant.. and insecure..

an abrupt end.
A shattered illusion
that was self imprisonment.

~ The convicted self.

Stevie, you know that idea is terrible right?

Shut up!

.....

Shadows cast aside as I embark on a path to light
Close to truth as I ventured into the farthest lie
Beyond the eye, a view unfolds of a starless sky
Keep on walking I, part with my heart
my exhausted mind sends it to the darkness high.
A backpack filled with all these masks of mine
They mark a time from where I survived "This War of Mine"
Here I am just falling fine, cushioned by a thousand signs
A confounded mind bound to a boundless sky
Astounded that I am grounded, Crown the lie-
a King. A verse living that ventured into the Rhythm I should sing.
Flow.

One day everything leaves that you own
all blackness can't hear the sound of your soul
Back to square one, loophole
as you go round in a whole
senses tense sense a consequence that slowly unfolds
detached from the string of existence
enveloped in riches, drifting in lost ones wishes
you miss out on missing
a mingled fulfillment
a fullfilling fullfilment you left it all to your children
content with contentment
dreaming about life
all it seems is allright
you're not afraid of this ending
taking your place in the fabric of space
slowly drifting and mending
objects move closer
you feel a light bending
a strong pull
as you feel the times ending
in a last sigh you let go
as you went from life
to enter a Black Hole

Light reaches your eyes, different place
different time, different face, different smile
retain a sense of self in this strange
state of mind
reembraced reïnstated well on your way
with retracing your self
Never a constant, always developing
human curiosity, aahh for-the-hell-of-it
blaze a bit be a mellow kid
you carve your road soon enough
meet old friends like Broken Trust
and you'll carry weight untill your shoulders crush
fight and re-see one end that's close to us

Death.

Heart made of onyx
Core of the soul bright
that's an oxymoron
Put down your glasses
because it's visible to the naked eye

Strip now & have *** with me
I'll take every ***** little thing
untill all that's left is one layer of humanity.
Flay your personality
dip your skin in lust turn pleasure into wellbalanced sanity

Borderline crazy? I'm just portraying my vanity
I speak double tongue
I don't only twist and bend words
you can't comprehend my capabilities
because you have never shared a bed with me

The world is my play ground
creativity is to see what others don't
She thinks in waves and that's why I stay sound
Resonate.You can say that I vibrate too.
I licked the double slit theory.

I shed light to see what's underneath our sight
Truth based on perception
Reality existing within all possibilities
you decide which one you witness

Death the father that is always at work
He who motivates us to push
A stay at home mother who nurtures us
I am but a child innocent in the conflict between them

I am here because Death keeps ******* with Life.

Symbolized like Superman right?
I undress you with my eyes
you are bare and I am not afraid to look inside
the Kryptonite
X marks the treasure so dig up some sunlight
and uncover the veil

Am I making sense? Even though I'm way past the sentence?
Just like you I'm sentenced to die because I was born.

Life.. It's.. All..
- Sir.Real.

Greasy fingerprints on the window,
from the breakfast she smeared in her face.
Chocolate everywhere, which somehow wouldn't go away.
Hitting the window with her hands,
at the children across that play.
Waving 'hi',
the image in the window
slowly turns vague.
Don't forget the breathmarks of our dog
with a bunch of leftover food remains.
Saliva and pawprints,
nails carved in the window.
Barking at the neighbours dog.
Teens are competitive today.

All these beautifull memories here.
But I really gotta clean my window..

Jaw clenched and with anger burning in my eyes
I'll tell you.
You killed me....
Unforgivable.
Abusive.
It is repulsive.
Manipulative.
I am disgusted.
Dramatic.
I say redundant.
Symbiotic
it's pethetic.

You will always manage to trigger my gag reflex.
May death be the head that rests on your beating chest.
I will thrive on your despair and laugh when you get desperate
I will be there in dreams you don't want nobody to see
and I will just watch.
Suffer, struggle, scream.
Nobody acknowledges you. Nobody sees you.
Because that is the everlasting abyss that I dominate.
I will envelop and devour you
untill you are completely surrounded.
Then.
I'll turn my back.
and thrive.
Absolute Zero.

I am
the spark that a star lit
the heart in a harness
the scar on a garnet
the law of the lawless
dark in the darkness
marked by the martyrs
target of heartless
raw where the war is
the call of the fallen
the seer for the blinded
impregnate the future
founder of present
perant of past
I am all
all is I
I am God
God is me
I am you
You are me
We are all
All are we
Infinity
is One
I am not
for I am One

Perish in a world not yours
because you haven't made your world yours
drifting alone on a penteconter
one man, manning, fifty oars

A gold seeker in your golden world
Never to return to your city
Because all you do is seek
All you do is find
but you never acknowledge

In search for heaven on this world
You travel and travel,
meet people and people
Been everywhere, experienced elsewhere
Yet have never dared to travel
within yourself
The only place, truly worth to see

Why do people dare to skydive?
Go through the length of all such extremeties
but are so afraid to face themselves?
To find the calm inside the turblence?
Your world is yours.

This unshakable feeling wrapped around my heart
The clouds are dark
A tight straight jacket soaked
in an ounce of liquid "Lost"
Life has a tendency to rig a Spark
Lights flicker
Warmth, yet feeling a slight shiver
My mind's quiver empty,
as I let my last arrow loose
attached to a fishing line
wrapped around my neck
and tightened the noose
My last Lifeline

Those I miss most lie beyond my reach..
I hope my arrow reaches you..
I hope you'll find my lifeline..
And reel me towards you..
If not I'll die with a heart, hollow.
I guess that's fine too.

It all makes sense to me now.
Every circle I've been through.
Every loophole in my behavior identified.

But how to break this vicious cirkel of self neglect,
self medication and lack of self respect?

I burn incense, candles
and lay out tarot cards.
'
No answers, no clarity, not a slight hint from the universe.

Desperation sets in as I tumble deeper down the rabbit hole.
I'm looking for answers
but that is like looking for a glimpse to see what's under Alice her skirt.
Absolutely pointless.

I go round and round and round like I'm groveling in my own ***** and self pity.

And today I woke up.
And today I got the answer.



ALL HAIL CTHULU!

Under Titan ice lie remnants of an ancient human civilisation

The core of my heart is compassion, it's warmth passionate.
Enveloped by the pain and sadness of my past experiences.
The bright light hugging it is made from the love I have received in my life. The scars on my heart is proof that life acknowledges me.
The tears that I shed for myself and for those I love is the light and hope I give to others who are shining just as bright.
When I look up to the night sky and gaze the stars we have the tendency to feel insignificant. But it is in this very tendency where our tenacity lies. To want to grow to being significant on cosmic scale. Besides the fact that our tenacity and willpower lies in that very thought we also create an illusion for ourselves. The night sky tells me I'm significant, for we are small yet we matter in the world we live in. When our hearts open our horizon widens, our world becomes bigger but it also deepens. I would like to invite those that say that this world is getting smaller to not look at size but to zoom in on one specific aspect of life. You would realize how significant an ant or a microbe is and just how dependant we are on the smallest of creatures and how significant they are to us. You would realize that the smallest of things  allow us to be significant for others and that it serves as the foundation, the stepping stone for us to be significant on a cosmic timescale. Everything is connected and so far everything we know except ourselves honors that connection.

Fixed timelines
Fixed events
Obstacles the size of Spacetouchers
buildings that haven't been constructed
But one day will be build to touch Ozon
Obstructed..
Life abducted
Reluctant
grim present
Grey future
Colourfull past
Counting blessings like a madman
regretting that it didn't last..
Either Imma die of this disease..
Or smoke myself to oblivion
In a cycle of destruction
Body not helping
Mind doesn't give a ****..
the ending of my life has begun
before this boy turned into a man

Your reality perceived past the event horizon is a truth distorted.
Your soul resides in the very escape mechanisms that put you there in the first place. A tunnelvisionaire claiming to have seen the world. Yet it's definite proof to how confided you remain in your own perceived reality.
The arrogance that resonates from the words you write is written with ink which consists of pethetic.
Your own tears flow more free than you will ever be.
How does that truth make you feel?

You are a prisoner, self-proclaimed victim. You clipped your own wings and started crying how you'll never fly again. The true horror is that others sympathize with you, show you the mercy you ache for and thus confirm that your unhealthy needs and distorted reality remain the place for you to be. How does that truth make you feel?

I for one am disgusted.

Found my roots, became a tree..
now I have all these birds who sit and **** on me

~****

I peeled off my faces
with voices and expressions
to try to come to terms with sadness,
my development was heart agression

Questions filled with tears and doubt
thoughts filled with fear, it clouds

storm heavy, torn every
face from my body into a Skin Leather Jacket

My brain a smoked Onion Head
so all my heart could do was crack
tears trickled down
numbing my body like life "handed" a smack

Woke up groggy and slow
in the midst of a storm
Feeling foggy and old
stitched up and worn

Use my jacket as a blanket
as I lie in the eye of the storm
as I rest and transform
bare and naked
wholehearted again
as a man with many faces.

This room could be painted pitch black
as far as I'm concerned
spend my nights in utter darkness
Alone..
Alone with my thoughts
My thoughts
Judgemental and self condemning my mind
My mind
Feeling depressed, angry I have to wake up at nine
At nine
I wake up praying that today I'll be brave enough to grab a nine
A nine
underneath my pillow, loaded, ready to take what's left of my time
My time
Desperate to make something of what's left.
What has left
is everything I cared for. But do I have the courage to die?
To die
is to grab the nine
the nine
now resting against my head
My head
splattered open as I welcome Death
welcome Death
now I know what it's like to die
to die
is leaving everything I have left behind
Left behind
Everything I forgot to cherish
Goodbye

Today I got the wind knocked out of me.
A blow that further dulled my dying senses.
This universe is dying... It's death inevitable. It's end approaching.
Our home is decaying, a loss of light has been sighted on all spectrums.
Infinity needs to be reinvented.
For my sake as all I want for us is to remain. That's my reason for being here in the first place. To make sure we stay.
But all will fade away.. why?

And if death is part of life, where will death be at the end of our universe?
Our souls would also perish. This realization that a part of me will not last even if I'm not in a conscious state cripples me. I want to remain, a single atom will suffice.

But there is another side, another chance. A new player has entered this universe. Chances are that we may be one of the very first alive. Life: a system that defies the odds. I can't help but wonder. Is life the solution for this dying universe? Energy poured into consciousness so it can save itself from dying? Life is wired for survival and I truly hope our purpose is to always defy the odds.

Starstruck I gaze at
memories that glimmer faint
and hide in old light

There's nothing to be written. There's nothing to be told.
There are no words hangin' around late night in the street.
Not a single breath wasted, there's nothing to see.
The chalk line of a dead body.
A remnant of a life pethetic, lost in just a second.
It's nothing worth mentioning.
Couldn't even remember it.

Just an eerie chill lingering around.
The kind that makes people stay frosty.
Woman grip their purses. Pace fastens.
Fists clenched, gaze hardened.

An after effect, when I say **** all
and my cold soul jumps from an appartment high.

and the world will just keep on spinning.
and you will just keep on living.
and all of you will find happiness.
and most of you wouldn't weep nor shed a tear.

and you know what?
That's fine.

Guess what imma do when all of y'all die.

I **** in the oceans.
I **** on this Earth.
I **** on your homes
and I spit on your graves.
I **** in this place
where all your memories are made.
I curse in your world
and condemn this reality
I play with your beliefs
thoughts judged as blasphemy
to Hell with the consequences.
if you say you're older than me,
I'll say that I will outlive you.
I demand a different way
Because I am entitled to
I inhereted this place so I should rule
as I wanna rule.
You are old, weak and with few
so what're you gonna do?
I am always defying.
Take away my tongue
and I'll grab all the paper
Take away the paper
and I'll learn sign language
Take away sign language
I'll learn Braille
Take away Braille
than I'd still have my thoughts and vision
Take away my thoughts and vision
well by the time we get to that
you'll need to genocide this entire planet.
You will never shut me up
You will never withhold me from communication
That law is my *****! And I'll use her in whatever manner I want.

I will not stand by and watch you drive my home into the abyss
I need a place to ****, I need a place to eat, I need a place to **** and I need a place to sleep. I need a place to **** and I need a place to scream.
But most of all I need a place to live!
And I don't ever plan to leave, nor do I ever plan to die
Because I am the silenced voice of mankind
and I'm wired to survive in this life called Lies!

I'm me.
2. I'm a father
3. I'm a lover
4. I'm a friend
5. I'm a son
6. I'm a human
7. I'm a philosopher
8. I'm a poet
9. I'm a student
10. I'm a social worker
11. I'm part of nature
12. I'm part of a family
99. I'm part of this society
0. I'm a soul.

Once again sitting in a room containing four white walls
Behind my laptop where I pass through the Gates
away from Reality, day to day every single day
without restraint I stare at the screen
which metaphorically locks my mind away
My roommate's self made drink
I've been stuffing in my face
Alcohol keeps the pressure at bay
On my table a few plates
left over food remains
old curry symbolically
looking like my lungs
as if they say:
don't smoke, or in a few years you'll regret it everyday
Empty bowl of yoghurt,
remnants of some healthy food I ate
all desperate attempts to balance
my life, sometimes it's hard not to hate
When will I see some light?
But I guess that's a negative perspective
unfit for the current situation
because right now I am what the title states.

The world is a cruel place for a kind heart
which is a wise thought, which life taught
me when my kind heart got lost
in a mind dark. Life always defines art
it is refined, smart, pierces through lies sharp.
Those standing in the light are always surrounded by night, marked.
Cursed is the kind heart to always feel the cold of the world,
cursed to try and survive by his own warmth.
To try and thrive despite being shunned by He who shines in the sky
ignored by She who gave Earth life.
We try to surpass the sky just as we strive for truth.
The kind heart remains old through youth.
As kids we played yet we say we had a philosophical childhood.
Death surrounds us as we surround death.
It never dares intrude our space, it never dares to take.
It can only give, as we play a game
a kind heart is like Death, we will both never change.

Time to shatter my current self.
Expose the feelings hiding within.
Bring months of rain, a monsoon
as I peel off my skin. Bare and naked
sadness for the world to witness.
I bleed, a martyr of my faith
that all is equal and all get their fair share
of pain. Some more than others
some which can not be justified underneath the face of the sun
or the scarred side of the moon. The strength and endurance found in bonds shared by red blood flowing in all our veins. I peel, cry and peel, I am tortured, I am enduring, I am struggling, I am living, I am dying, I am burning and the flame of hurt is doused by the rain of my sadness.
I am not guilty, yet I am accepting and acknowledging the impact your blow had in my sense of righteosness and my perception, which caused a switch in my  reality.  My loss of perception and perspective allowed me to redefine my understanding of equality, love and loyalty. For that I am gratefull, it has made me stronger and it has made me wiser. So know I am breaking so I can love.
I can see the sun shine beneath my own clouds and sadness. I can see the sun shine beneath my own chin and I can feel the sun's warmth beating in my chest. The moon symbolizing my sadness and negative emotions. It's mysteries waiting to be discovered, waiting to be unlocked, waiting to be freed. Just wanting to sigh with the feeling of purest relief. I am joyfully dancing in the rain, crying and in pain yet smiling and entertained.

These last few weeks..
I saw how Life forsake her
and Death embraced her
cold sweats freezes
her beautifull and soft skin
I have dreams
of where she would wake up mid night
tears and fear filled her eyes
every exhale is partly ice

I would grip my pillow tighter
and hug the woman from my dreams
send my love and comfort her
and make sure she feels at ease
I would pull her close to me
wrap my arms around her tight
I would tell her that it's okay
and that I'm there in the darkest hour of every night
and I will stay untill we bathe in the brightest of lights
I will not go anywhere, I won't run away
so please.. stay with me
my woman from my dreams

When all is lost in a singularity
I'd revel in the sheer delight
of watching my limbs tear from my body.
To know that my soul is shred,
skinned alive.
I'll fathom new depths to pain
even for a brief moment.
I'll think and think and think and think
and observe how my thoughts dissolve
I'll live and thrive in that moment,
feel alive as long as I can.
My gruesome death would leave a lesson:
There are some things, that can't be taken.
as I ironically dissapear without a trace left.

Perfectly abusing life and death.
Because one cannot exist without the other.
My death could not have existed without my life
and dying would solidify my message through my existence.
And I'll keep weaving a web of extremities
and leave this life a God.
A message written through a void.
Creation through nothing.
The feeling of having "It, who takes" at a checkmate.

The shadow of my soul laughs loud.
As I peer in Death's eyes
and let him watch how I set myself free through his confinement.
I'll leave, giving the King a brief moment of what it's like to be truly powerless.

There are words stuck in the back of my throath
that I wouldn't dare speaking. Sentences formless,
water kept below boiling point. My tongue a
sharpened claymore. It's reach long,
it's swing heavy. Yes, I am a dangerous man.
Wielder of the most powerfull weapons.
My pen writes, shifting balance of words
influencing reality, developing perspective
of readers who don't tread carefully.
This is my space, in here I rule supreme
in here I create what no one could re-create.
Look through my mask and ask yourself
if it's not another mask. A man with layers
I go deep, with thoughts and feelings
I am weak, so I acknowledge what I see
What I see is you, despite you wanting to.
What you feel is what you do.
What you do is what you show
So what you show is what you feel
and what  you feel is the warmth of me
acknowledging you.
The illusion of distance, it is me
being next to all of you!