Shallow beyond measurement.
I shed you from my light.
Stand in the changing shadow of my inaction.
As my warmth slowly slithers away
and darkness crawls back to you.

I talk with masks
but listen to layers.

And they
tell me I'm wrong
in all ways.
An apology would
suit me.

My measurement of depth
should not lay
in the layers of my light.
Because that is for you to find
and decide.
My actions
should not be based on you
but based on inner motions
moving me.
It would suit me
that my warmth
should move accordingly.
I'm sorry
for imposing my expectations,
coming forth from my own dependancy,
on to you.

Layers in my flame

The scary thing about
self-development
is the thought that
you're becoming more
yourself.
While in reality
you're moving away
from who you are
and use your lack
of self-acceptance
to justify
becoming who you want to be.
Which at the current time
of that thought,
you're simply not.
It's scary to believe in a lie.
It's good to move
to a better version
of yourself.
Instead of this lie
I would like you
to at the very least
acknowledge your flaws
and decide firmly to develop
parts of yourself
in order to become more prosperous,
whole and happy.
This way you still validate yourself
but see your flaws for what they are,
simply flaws,
because you were never
a bad person to begin with.

"These old souls, die young. Without ever having truly lived."

One of the most beautifull words
and feelings that runs rampant
throughout my thoughts and work
has to be
defiance.

Defiance
to resist the state of something,
anything. To defy the odds
stacked against you.
A state of survival.
A fight of perseverence
A fight, where in it's essence
you refuse to compromise
a part of yourself.
Defiance is
build upon
a message of
the love you have for yourself.
Think about it.
Would you defy if you would not care?
Would you defy your anxiety, fears
and go through your struggles, if you do not care?
You defy the inner conflict
that you feel that stems forth
from your own hopelessness.

Defiance gives you strength
and perseverence.
Defiance does not bow
for it's loyalty towards you
is unshakable.

Defiance will break you
when you stray from your path.
Defiance will break everything
once you embrace the taste
of it's wrath.

When resolve is shattered
they become doubts.
Fragmented
pieces of a reality that's
jumbled,
like
a picture
taken of a vast mountain
from the reflection
of a small puddle.
I find it sad
but beautiful, still.
How frames of reference
transmute
to doubts,
which become
seeds that grow.
-
In one breath
or a lifetime.
-
Do we overcome
or simply change
what is there?
Does our resolve shatter
or does it branch into something new?
Do my questions stem from doubts
or growth?
Do I have a frame of reference
or do I transmute what is new
to old?

Continuous struggle.

Stevie Ray
"Inheritor of past lives sorrows"
Jump over
my perants past,
huddles,
while I tend to
my own masks
and boroughs.

-What am I-

A tool used for processing?!
A body filled with reflection?!
A straight back that can
carry your recollections?!
An antenna that can project back?!
Your reception?!

I may be transparent
but I am not your imagery!
Empathetic,
I feel you
but don't abuse our synergy!
A two way mirror
so I am not your mimicry!

I am not a water well
for your acknowledgement!

Acknowledge yourself
for a change.

What happens when you believe
a lie you told yourself?
It becomes a truth doesn't it?
And it shapes you
accordingly.
Yet you know nothing.
So you develop yourself around this hidden lie.
It doesn't hurt
because those feelings attached
don't show themselves.
They fester under this bandaid
and you forgot that it was a bandaid.
You forgot that this isn't your skin.
Untill you either reflect deeply.
Or are doing the dishes,
taking a shower or ****,
or both,
and the bandaid comes off.
You collapse as emotions overwhelm you
and though it feels painful
and negative.
It's actually more like a bunch of puppies
collapsing on top of you.
The relief
you feel
and
that what you feel
is genuine.
Loving yourself hurts
but it's still love
isn't it?