No you not misunderstood you just dealing with the wrong ones
Your heart too willing to love
You not using what's up above
Ya mind is the best tool
You are weak too many times played the fool
Trust in the wrong ones
Toxic masculinity womanizing no fun
You want a dominant man
But what you got wasnt the plan
Family, new beginnings
Months later it's broken its finished
Was it real to begin with
It all happened so fast skipping over the issues not trying to trip
I just wanna be understood
Let me let you into my mind
My weakness you can find
Pull it up out of me
Throw it away
Dont want it to be the cause of our fall
But what can be given other than your all
I'm not falling I fell
Leaves dropping one by one
My heart is aching
My limbs are shaking
I want it but I dont
I'm trying then again I dont
I'm torn between how to feel
Giving some space time will heal
But these wounds have been dug deep
The grounds shaking the dead as they sleep
But my pain wakes them up
I just wanna be loved
But my heart doesn't need it
Being told I'm all these things
No one knows my Hopes and dreams
They dont care
They dont wanna hear
Ears closed , mouth wide open
Meaningless words but they hurt
The thought of how you feel
The thought that you've felt this way all along
Your expectations dont match your actions
Give and forget
I cant even shed tears
My heart wont allow me
I should have been smarter

At night I lay awake
Dreams of the unknown
I cant sleep
Knowing what I don't know
Exists in reality
Wondering where did it go wrong
Or was it ever perfect
Human emotions
They are never worth it
The risk of giving your heart away
Only to see that its broken
Molding it with clay
Reassigning it with caution
Playing catch
Possibility of love is far fetched
My mind won't sleep
Until I know your every move
Then the How
Now the why
I demand the truth
But I know it will be all lies
Clear as a blue sky
Your insecurities
Itching you up like fleas
You cant get rid of them
So you can't begin to see
Your worth to me
How high I'll climb you see
So my efforts are in vain
My love for you goes beyond name
But your blinded with shame
What a shame you lose out on love
Looking for me to love you
But u never was
The one I needed
More like who I fed
Until you got used to the service
Coming back for more
You take all of me
I can't give anymore
Of self
I love but theres some one else
Who gets your attention
Clouding your judgment
We can't go further then here
I wish happiness was near
But its clear
It will never be more than
Me, You & them

Been feeling empty inside
Asking myself daily why
Keeping a smile I'm afraid to cry
Saying I'm okay but he knows it's a lie
I have so much I wanna do
I have no clue
Why I cant fit into these shoes
The glass slipper it's too tight
I cant fit it even with all my might
I wanna reach the top but there's no height
I need a ladder but it's my fright
Keeping me behind these steel bars
Peeking through the small space
I can see the sky
I can feel the breeze on my face
But I cant reach it
My arms too short
My mind doesn't comprehend
I have it all
But i dont want it if i cant be it all
I got the answers
But I still have unanswered questions
I still have hard lessons
I need to learn
Still have my stripes I gotta earn
****** expressions ease up always stern
My heart means well
But with each good act It churns
Into pieces my pride falls
Crumbles everytime i see a smile or laugh
That's what you want it's not me
I wont be jaded my eyes open and they see
The truth behind your love
The meaning in all your hugs
You just want that love she gave you
You want it but she dont want you
So you pretend to love me
While loving her from the distance
Daily checkups making sure she knows your existence
All while breaking my heart in one instance
But you dont know you are
Because i smile and kiss you every night
Pretending that my soul is alright
But I'm just allowing you to pretend that we gone make it through
All the while I still feel like the fool
The fool in love the fool for loving you

Shadows of your smile will always remain Avant playing in the background. Long day of shopping 🛍 come home we washing. For the new day, I’m in bed ready to relax as the music play. You hop in the shower body wash opening up my senses. Something feels off I think to myself this night feels different. My mind starts wondering to places I never knew were there, hoping you ain’t going out anywhere. New clothes picked out fresh socks 🧦, you smile as the clock tick tocks . Where you going I ask you, out with my boys if that’s okay with you. I roll my eyes cuz I knew this was coming my mind wasn’t racing for nothing. You always do this I yell in my mind, all the while his jays im helping him find. I know what this is, another ***** ain’t it? You all ready to go you already faded. Smoke through the hallway didn’t even pass it, spraying cologne trying to mask it. Bae just stay home tonight please don’t go, I’ll b back by midnight his
Words rolled. Kiss on the forehead hunny I’ll see you lata. The I love you was brief no one could hear it. It’s now 2am your phone going to vm, I’m up can’t sleep I’m ****** u can tell.

You ask how do I rejuvenate?
My problems are left where my clothes go when we make love. All over the room the moans echo in the darkness. The felt of your throbs affirms the chemistry. Between us is simplicity. I position in your body , mine, the covers hide our naked skin. My body longs to be touched, my sweetness wants to be tasted. My desire is to be heard louder than the tv as it’s playing. Late night shows as we drift away, my thought is could this be real or knockoff? Could the person I need be right behind me? Grasping my body the weight of his slumber weighing on mine. Sleep so peacefully or is this a lie? Is this apart of who I am or subconsciously making it up, if I move I’ll wake him up leaving him no other option then to turn away. The smell of his skin the whiff of his breath. I need that each night. The look in his eyes his smile makes me feel strong. You ask me how I rejuvenate? Hunny this is why ☺️