Before you came into my life I was working on MYSELF. Letting go of the things I didn’t want and working towards what I did want. I thought I had my goals figured out. Boom 💥 I’m hit with the unexpected, another person I grew feelings for over time. It was fresh it was new and it was needed. Fast forward I’m falling in love ( not wanting to) I’m pregnant and my life has drastically changed emotionally . I’m okay with it... but the change happened so fast I am still playing catch up. Apart of my self growth was learning how to listen to understanding and learning how to put my ego aside and lower my temper. I’m very hot headed and I have a way to go. Please understand I’m very smart and I know my actions and how they affect other people. I’m working on it. I just have to learn to make that adjustment in my attitude before words come out versus after. Once I’ve t’d off then I’m like **** maybe I should have done it another way. But while I’m one track minded and I just want to apologize for how I’ve handled situations when we are talking. There’s a better way to get my point accros but what I say is what I mean it’s just a better way to say it. I’m learning YOU specifically everyday. Each day I learn something new and each day I grow to love something new about you. It’s apart of a relationship. As we go on there will be things I don’t like that you do, it’s normal but I will ALWAYS be able to admit when I’ve fallen short or when I’ve messed up. I do not mind apologizing for my doings. Just understand some situations may take longer than others simply due to I like to fully analyze the situation and where I may have gone wrong or where you have and how it should have been it’s just how I am. Don’t think I’m ignoring the situation or too bighead Ed to communicate. I love you I’m happy with who I’m becoming but you met me in transition and so there are still so pieces being rearranged.

Kinda


Where do I go from here , success is so far away failure is near. Everyday we wake up hoping for better days. Turn on the tv nope don’t see a better way. Killings and kidnapping walking the earth, what happened to keeping God first. Churches now playgrounds for sin, come as you are they say then judge you from within. Psychiatrist promising you a mental break, but at home they have no say. No say in how life really ends but you pay big bucks to get told where reality and fantasy begins. We are slaves to the tradition thinking that’s the way into the pearly gates. Living unhappy day after day if only I can make it in He thought. As he lays in bed, his lifetime partner by his side. But his mind is full of lust his nose is wide. Open are her eyes as she pretends to sleep when really she longs to be held and stroked deep. By him or by his best friend she’s had both. No daddy growing up so she doesn’t know. How to love herself and **** sure not him so they pretend to be in love because the kids must grow up. Happy home happy life they say but mentally the house is cold and far away. Far away from true love . See what I don’t understand is how we can love a world give it everything until we are blue in the face but resort to our personal space with a cold heart and no trace. Absent minded no love for ourselves no love for humanity but giving our all for nothing in the end. They say it’s going to be a grand entrance the clouds will part. Light so bright we can’t even see. Is it a hoax or will he really be. Coming down from the sky to save those who followed the traditional life. Trumpets will sound from the heavenly speakers let’s all rejoice the day is here where true judgement has no choice. We stand before him ME ME please play my life on screen I want ppl to know I’ve lived right but my sins cant be seen right? This day is something we’ve been told to wait for but really what we waiting for? Live your life the time is now. We are judged everyday by our conscious when we lie down. The time is near but don’t be afraid EMBRACE IT‼️

Yes

Before I was strong
I knew what it was to be weak
How difficult it was to love myself
And find the wholeness I seek

Before I knew the light
I lived in constant darkness too
My world fell into hopelessness
So dark I couldn’t see through
I have cried the tears it takes
The courage to stand up again
Being broken down and bruised
You can only relate to the pain

How can I appreciate the love
If i haven’t seen hate
I forgot the meaning of love and laughter
My heart was left abate

Now I know strength and courage
It requires a lot to get it right
I’m facing the things that held me down
I gotta hold my head up and fight

Before I was who I am now
I was someone I didn’t want to be
I was lost, battered, and defeated
Before I knew how to be me‼️

YES.

Love

We over complicate the meaning

No matter how much we describe and explain when we fall in love we are ashamed of our own words.

The goal is not to seek it love but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Knowing your voice, sensing your scent when I walk into a room you’ve just left. The glide of your foot, the weight of your steps. Love cannot be controlled , but when it finds you worthy it will direct your course. How do I love you, I can count the ways. The time it took, I can count the days. Until I’ve seen your darkness I do not know you, until I’ve forgiven your darkness I do not know LOVe. I can tel I’m in love now, I avoid falling asleep because reality is finally better than my dreams.

Still it rushes through me,
in every pore,
through every cell.
What is this . . .
what feeling is this?
I cannot tell,
what secrets unveil
capabilities
unknown to limits.
This absolute emmersion
blankets my every
conscious thought.
Drawing you closer,
bringing you here.
So close to me I dare not say -
still not within my sight.
I feel your breath,
heat penetrating my skin
like a hard summer rain.
I feel your face, your eyes,
trace your mouth
with my fingers.
You give me breath
so close to your mouth,
still we do not touch.
Smoldering fantasies
ignite burning,
lust and longing.
Desire tempts me.
"Move closer . . . " she whispers,
"closer, closer. "
A paradox? Closer to you,
like the finest lace -
our bodies occupy exactly
the same space.
Deeper you come!
Taking you in -
surrounding me and filling
me up- and down- push, shove
CRASH!
Eyes open, must I see?
Truth is now . . . this reality