Bespeckled awnings under the eaves
Of a sloped roof, peeling, drooping
Windows that slept like a little girl,
Tired from school.

The streets were crooked, and the
Smiles glaringly bright in the dusk-
Tinted light—photographs with the
Flash accidentally left on.

People curled up under knarled,
Grumpy oaks, and the children
Shivered on damp basement
Floors, oblivious.

The cold became the normal,
And comfort was everything
All the other kids complained
About at home.

As the sun snored through the hills,
Souls of heavy bones made their
Dark circles deeper, and their hearts
More full of holes.

The daytime was merely the presence
Of light—it ceased to mean anything

More. Fatigue grew a body and helped
Clear the trash after dark.

The thoughts in my eyes
Fastened on the back
Of the figure across the room,
Alone, surrounded by four
Empty chairs.

There was nothing stopping me
From walking over--

I had so many questions,
Filling up the ears in my head--
But they would never be voiced
Aloud, and never to the one
I needed to hear them.

I was rooted in my seat,
My pencil gouging bruises
In my hand, growing limp
And numb along with my heart,
When I realized I lacked the
Courage to face someone

I had every reason to trust.

Was it the silence to my prayers
That kept me seated?

Or was it a selfish hindrance,
An answer I formed myself
Out of fear?

I bowed my head
Like a downed tree,
      
Watching my legs shift

          Absently through the air.

I noticed your red shoes
  As you strolled past,

And I felt the culmination
                  
               Of all the  m o m e n t s
           Just like this,

Only experienced on
Different benches—

      Metallic, curved plaster,
            
                 Rickety slats, the soft ground—

I was addicted to waiting
As the world passed me by.

The lanterns flickered out
One by one.
With every step down the lane,
I left behind
All the darkness I had let light
Up my life.

The voice in my mind
Has a lisp—
My thoughts slur
Together,
Never fully coherent.
It is sweet,
In a way. But I wish
I could
Speak clearly, with
Conviction,
Instead of gaining
My willpower
In too-late moments.