I’m nothing if not persistent
     I’m stubborn and silly.
I can’t take advice, even when I know I should.
     I follow my heart as it leads me to misery
I overthink everything
And I get scared of nothing.
I hate to disappoint more than anything.
     I’m afraid of being a failure.
           I’m average in every way- not gorgeous, not ugly. Just average.
Not brilliant or stupid, just average. Not enough, but always too much.
      I’m awkward and unladylike.
But I love to dress up for something special.
         There are parts of me missing- I give my heart away too freely.
     I give, and I take.
     I care so much, I can’t stand to hurt others- or see them hurt.

So, really. I’m human. I am me.
And sometimes that’s enough.

     But not today. Today I want the world and I want to retrieve the missing pieces and I want to be beautiful and funny and loved-
      So today, I am sad,
Because I can’t have any of those things.
But I will hope for someday.

I feel too much.
     I want too much.
Sometimes everything is just too much.
     I think too much
          I need too much
Because...as humans, we take too much
       And often leave nothing behind.
Take no prisoners, that’s the deal.
Sometimes life becomes too much
     and takes too much…
     But if we soldier on another day
We will find something else
To give too much of ourselves to.
          Something to give us more life,
and one day we may find something (or someone)
     who will give as much back.
          And that will be the perfect day.
That is what keeps us searching.
          That is what keeps me searching,
and hoping, and giving.

Feeling. Emotions. What a strange concept.
One person inspires warmth.
       Some only draw contempt.
The soul seems to know…
       who could help you
       who could hurt you
       And where it all went wrong.
Sometimes you meet someone who lights up your world.
       someone who sees beneath your insecurities,
       someone who thinks that you’re ****.
Sometimes you feel like nothing. Empty.
       Until someone changes that.
       And feeling again hurts. Hurts a lot.  
       But in the best way imaginable.
    And suddenly, you want them in your life
       What changed?
       A spark. Someone who reached beneath your skin and was honest.
       Someone so real you couldn’t help but become something more-
       Something much better than you remembered was even possible.

She looked into his eyes and couldn’t tell the difference.
He hadn’t seemed like a reptile-
Definitely hadn’t felt like a reptile.
But now he gave her the cold shoulder like one.
It all came down to trust-
And she realized that it was broken.
And maybe that was the dividing line between
When he was a saint to her.
Now he had transformed into a snake-
Undeserving of trust as their eyes met.

You asked me what I wanted.
And at the time, I wasn’t sure of my answer.
I finally figured out my answer, though.
It was simpler than I could have imagined.
I just want you.

I know that, physically, I’m alright…
That blood continues to pump from my right ventricle out to the pulmonary arteries.
From the left ventricle and up to the aorta.
And around through the rest of my body, continuously.
But if you think that a broken heart is just a saying- then maybe you’re lucky.
I still can’t decide.

You reminded me that life is more than just living.
You showed me that people can surprise you, in the most magical of ways (even if you don’t approve of the terminology of magic).
When you kissed me the first time- I was so surprised that I just giggled, because I was excited and nervous and I kind of forgot how to be a person for a minute.
You scared me because you wanted to be close to me- and because I wanted to be so close to you, too.
You think and you sing and you write and you look at me like I could be enough.  (Even though I know I’m not living my life for other people.)
You inspired me to be something more than just someone going about their daily business mindlessly.
I know now that you can’t be anywhere but where you are. Where else could we be?
You taught me that dreams are good- but only if you’re going to do something about them.
You made me think about everything- about the way the world works. And
I’ve never loved anything more.