Maybe it's the alcohol
or the amplification of emotions
when I realized I liked you
but we could never be
because you're too holy
and I am hellish.

I am feverish
You left me cold.

I am nauseous
You left me under your spell.

I am disgusted
You left me giddy, assuming, hang-up
like one of those Girls
I said I would never be.

So

I am resolute
to never give in
to the impulsive fragility
of human emotion.

Hey You,

I remember how you held my hand
they were sweaty and too big for me.
I remember your kisses
sloppy and awkward as it should be.
I remember how we could talk until the wee hours of the morning
about stupid things in between "I love you" and "forever."

So now that that is down the toilet
I feel so relieved
to get rid of ****.

You can't feel hurt if it's not worth hurting for.
Don't let it get you.
Fight.

if it stings
it doesn't hurt enough
pain is relative

my tough skin can take it
my cold heart will make it
my hay-wired brain will survive
don't let another minute go
Think

I am not porcelain
I am steel.

Do you mind if I become reckless?
I am cutting all my classes.
I am cutting my hair and coloring it blue.
I am feeling the things I never wanted to
because for once
I don't want to think of what will happen.
I just want it to unfold in front of me spontaneously,
just like what life is suppose to be
Uncertain.

You text me in the middle of the night
it doesn't feel right
to assume that you like Me
when you are just being nice.

Oh boy
I don't understand why you infiltrate my mind
with silly thoughts of you.

I have only loved once
if you can even call it that
I have only trusted once
for sure I have.

I know it's wrong to think of this as something more
Maybe it's me being hasty
or
Maybe it's just me bringing out the girl inside.

I hate this feeling of uncertainty
it makes me feel distressed and unhappy
whirlwind of emotions
can suddenly cause a major destruction.

Anyway
as I soon as we said Hi
I already felt the
Goodbye.

it could be the cold breeze seeping in
or
it could just be my dreary imagination
I have finally come to a decision that
I hate this.

The storm is coming
be prepared
you might end up
with broken windows, flooded streets, helpless people

Don't forget
that though the eye is calm
the storm will make a landfall near
that will destroy you

It might just be gloomy now
but it will start drizzling then flooding
then where would you be by then?
so go home and stay there my friend

I'd like to carry the weight inside of you
sadly all I can do
is be there for you
and feel heavy as you do
because I hate seeing you
miserable.

There is no cure for you not
until you tell me  how to

I liked you before
in 5th grade
you were tall as I remember
even now you still tower over me.

When I saw you again
the feelings started rushing in
Now a sixteen year old boy
Tall, Cute, Outgoing
Mr. Personality
as they called him
I never saw you again after that day.

I didn't expect to see you again
at a dinner that my sister set
I was shy and quiet
aloof and distracted
I couldn't talk to you
not because I liked you
but because words float in my head
that can't seem to make up sentences.

I tried talking to you at the wedding
but you seemed shy
or was I just assuming
and you just had nothing to say
3 feet apart from each other
suddenly
****** to link arms to walk down the aisle
and even to dance awkwardly
in front of the crowd
an awkward arm hug and a kiss on the cheek
I thought that was the last time.

It was a Sunday night
when I saw you again
built up my courage
and tore down my walls
talked to you for two hours
and that says it all
an awkward good bye ended it all.

I decided to text you and
say "Hi :)"
lead to a long conversation
about random things under the sky
it went right and left
left and right
then suddenly it just stopped
because I rejected your company or because you lost interest in me?

I saw you this Wednesday
and we talked about
our friends' love lives and what not
for sure it wasn't as awkward as I thought
our last words were
Good night.

Now that everything is said
that is how our story ends
I'd like for it to remain this way
even if deep inside
there is
this
little
voice
inside of
me
that is telling
you
"Stay."

The girl stares right into me.
Her eyes are the color of the trees
I don't know what she's thinking about
and I don't think I should know.
But every time I look at her
something in me grows.
Indeed the eyes are the windows to the soul.

I never want to regret
You
I never want to forget
You
the way You make me feel
...
but I
cannot be with You.

as long as you don't
then I won't