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Feb 2015 · 2.0k
Like a Redwood
why should I have to suffer?  the right little yellow likes to lighten me to flies floating around the grass reflecting the sunshine, why do I need to feel the pain?  the news on my phone, on the counter, hurting in vain, the redwood tree indifferent, the poison, the expression, the name, but to suffer?  why should a person go through such a thing?


to suffer is to contemplate, to consider, no, more like to control, to fathom control, because power sounds like a word used for pokemon cards, but its in the atmosphere, feeding from the roots, making its way up, trickling down from tops, to suffer is not necessary

to see a person who has a phd and to justify lack of suffering with a set time to see, to emote, yes, and yes and oh, and working, and progress, and the yellow lovely, the yellow lovely sitting in my bathroom drawer, let it in, I do not deserve to suffer in this way, let it in, let me be the redwood tree, and I'll pass, indifferent
Stranded at edges, holding onto nothing, got nothing but a few pairs of decent clothes, your scarf, holding on with nothing but a few tree branches, the wind carrying off with madness, outs a fairytale ride, in the rearview mirror is pride, looking at you, mocking you, some sort of biological mistake, unstuck out of certainties, what the ****?  try to give me some sort of detail, and i'll escape down the slide towards my own sanity!  

Oh what? you're mad at me?  fault is in the heart, and fault has to do with who gets caught, fault has to do with the self, fault in law and thought myself

so... what doesn't want to be written?

myself!  it scurries away from me when I least expect it, peter pan would have to sit down scratch his head and think about this one

god ******, shoot it with a bow and arrow!   pin it down and force it to choke up a few lines that actually mean something!!

no no, waste of time, I guess, waste of time
Feb 2015 · 351
For Ilyse
Its the afternoon, and its still, I pick a few golden dandelions, because they are yellow, for you

I think too hard when I try to write for you, I want to be perfect

I think that my back aches and my mind is sore, but valentines day is wonderful

love is beautiful, and it is everywhere

you are the string of violin rolling through a pleasant gathering, a drum circle, whisking in the background and coating the fibre with rich resin

babe you are a peacemaker, make kings and vagabonds believe the very best

you laugh like elton john, carefree, with eyes up, bashful

Ilyse your name is unique and and so is your quality, keep on with me


love, seany
Feb 2015 · 580
Good Evening
The will to be somewhere, right when you feel you are at your most joyous moments, dissipates because you want to preserve your moments of comforts.  The message is good, should get more messages.  This coffee is nice, could use more cream.  Taste is tantalizing, comfort works in tandem with fear.  victim, silenced refugee living out his last days, whatever you want to call it, abstraction, necessity driving behaviors

behaviors fascinate me, probably because fears fascinate me.  I am very interested in the relationship between passion and reason, I have a few ideas, and I wrote a paper called Halloween Logic, in which I explored the relationship, but to philosophize is ****, its useless, but stoics do because their presence demands it.  Take my word for it

Do you go to get a coffee because your body and mind craves coffee, or do you go to get coffee because you want to stay awake?  do you go to get coffee because coffee tastes good?  do you go to get coffee to relax in a cafe?  Do you need coffee to read the news?  Do you like it with cream?  sugar?  brown or regular?  splenda?  

Or do you get coffee because you are afraid of being uncomfortable.  comfort fascinates me, because we are a culture obsessed with it, comfort comfort comfort, what does it truly mean to be comfortable?  to have the right set of circumstances in a particular moment in order to get the most out of enjoyment?  is comfort a habit, a function of the brain which we do not entirely understand?  

To a philosopher, behaviors are driven by fear, I go to get the coffee because I am afraid of the consequences of not getting a coffee; I am afraid of being uncomfortable.  because comfort is...everything...to a human, to a human who knows surplus, who knows taste, who believes one cup of espresso is better than a standard cup of black, taste drives the desire for comfort, and we behave to be more comfortable, and we behave because we are fearful of the consequences of not behaving


So would you like room for cream?
Feb 2015 · 359
little diddy
I can't stop thinking, my mind is on an uncontrollable think fest, I can' stop thinking about the future, I can't stop thinking about where I'm headed, what I need to do next, I can't stip focusing on my plans

digger digger digger

I dig so fast my body gets in cramps, in cramps
I understand what it is to reach it, reach it,
I dig fast, I dig fast
so dig it, dig it
Feb 2015 · 272
Untitled
just when you think that autonomous thinking can be on par with spontaneous thinking, you are left with

nothing...

mind

blank
Feb 2015 · 689
Beer Can
Cold, savory, watery, long nights, blah blah blah

do one and then eagle, eagle it out, extended body, proud body, better body,

spread, spread like can't believe it

ate late te  ca tate

savor with character, meaning don't drink and drive

beer, cold, beer, yes

man, beer, cold, stoic, stone

battered, battled, tender living for, dying for, kratos and all of his gore

beers one hell of a *****, loving it more, confident and barley off limit

drink at 16, away with questions

Questions quietly dissipate, questions fly out door, drink given by gods for celebrate, sadness, sigh,

some do do do some don't don't don't then make group AA why why sway sway more more support support spokes spokes can't quite nicotine quit no smote mote vote, find given god chance

some go until the end of time, merry, fat, fine

beer, lovely, bubbly, headache, heartache, attack!! woah, take it back

Guiness with eggs at breakfast
pale ale with serious males
cider with lovers
gin for expression
whiskey for metal
wine for Bukowski, ******* his beauty, soul, ****, ****
Heineken for pretentious men


One more, again
Feb 2015 · 362
Ash tray
practice, bare with me

seasonal, suffering, maimed, buttt better than dying, tarnished, one high sticking out begging for life, bowl, better off with cereal, clean which, with..... 1, 2, 3, 4 ,5 ,6, too many, I should probably quit...
Feb 2015 · 337
It's cool man
Here's another one, people who's business it is to care, care and business coinciding, how fascinating.  The two working in tandum, doesn't really make much sense to me, where's the edge, whats the distinguishing quality?  Business and care, a quality product perhaps?  No, not when the product is care itself no... ethics?  Driven by ethics, he must be loyal, he must be of a house cat, with infinite curiosities, he doesn't see me as a person, rather a science exp-per-i-ment

no, I repent

moral code?  conduct?  character?  he practices too much humility to be some sort of a jesus figure, no, too predictable, no the bible is but a book, no he is of PHD, which has inherent philosophy, also enjoys farts smelt in a tall champagne glass, catch my gas?


Flaws are fascinating, working in tandem with our most sacred qualities, gravitating towards the impossible, what can can can, no no no, how many lenses can we derive before we begin to make sense of things?  read the news just to make sure a comet isn't coming from space, thinking of complications as layers, layers like when you're driving down 280 and you see the city begin layer with the rest of the hills ahhh yes...that anecdote

Personable persons practicing pharmasudicals PAH

no no no, sit and wish and wonder, he's.... god ******

can't figure that ****** out
Feb 2015 · 373
Caltrain
Caltrain you reading running machine, eclipsing my dreams, anticipations of new girlfriends, roar you might, Belmont and atherton, mmm Thunder and I rear, pour, buttermilk old couty road, no oh man,

Caltrain whisper your extension, the next time, on a chorded phone!! Vintage!!  I like it, wrapped around my finger, you stop too many times but right now you ease my mind
Feb 2015 · 2.1k
Meeting
Journey, do our duties

The thing, do a day, cafe

Dying in news but that's okay

I gotta duty to be doin or I'll be busy dying too

**** tootin

Spelling bees suddenly making sense to me

Spell socks backwards while sweating, and then **** your pants

Bahaha I got nothing, anyways let's dance
So I can sigh eternally,
Greatness ***** too, you know
Feb 2015 · 625
Counters, crawlers, beggars
Interestingly enough, a city filed with intoxicating dress, yes, I like the chucks and baggy pants, no I do not wear it myself, but I appreciate the look, with the Giants hat, let me write you a vignette, techies tools talking bout tacky office gossip and girls they will never ****, bahaha and iPods ipods iPods fueling a sweet melody for the ride in boxcar boxcar. Yas yad yas

People going to and from work , quieter, contemplative, examining their tax returns, the hat pulled down straight

people, ticking, tocking, the images of content, staring up with amusement, the people talk of beer, of business, in seriousness, the pamphlets, the trends, counters, crawlers, beggars, in solitude, all of them

have


lovers, insecurities, mal adaptations, taking the drug that says that the life is alright, and thats alright

the little town looks so real to them, they, use the crosswalk, they, stop at the red stop sign, they, don't make eye contact, because their purpose is

to purpose, their purpose is their power lunch, a power lunch, of a sandwich, what of a sanwhich?  and what does that have to do with the urban life?  

the power meal, designed with purpose, for purpose, in chairs that are made for rain, in intersections made for walking, in red lights made for stopping

and aliens must be amused, by the order, the roots must be...facinating
Feb 2015 · 351
Hangover feelings
Know know, the knowing, ever reaching, expanding, like ice, sticking, irritating, emerging with confusion, a hurt head, wondering, what happened?  Jeeze it's impossible to find anything. The sun is blinding, reaching, the stops drag onward, reaching the city, reaching the city, my bags got too many holes in it now, but jansport holds up, mountain men making their next exit. Held up by their lack of nutricion, their eyes crusty and tired, not lumberous jacks but minstrels now, with a few driniing songs to keep from souring the mood. On and on and even flow
Feb 2015 · 604
Woah weird
new icon, new little ones, like little presents, yeah etyeah yeah I ;like to exp,ore, like to implore your, thoughts, give me some questions!!!! I want more of them, I consume them like little drops of rain, on the tounge with the most excellent posture, writer singer porter er er er er er er er er lover hater STEALER faker STALE ADDN ILLL EAT YOUR BALLLS I WILLL EAT THJEM hahahahahha freaky Fine getting out of touch, where's it going, oh fake ouit, why why why out out out out out out 0out out itu loveer little learned to play this ******* thing like a goddamj keyboard out and in anan d in and out loveer s haters can't do without preserve it klhadridjfaj come on come yes yes lovers and screamers dreamers ******* lovers haters saviors finally coming out on top of the magnet, the magnet gravitating towards the same thing we've been hearing all goddammn doy aalll bundled up onto noises!!!!!!


NOFDSAJFDAJDFSADKS  
JFFOOOOOOOO
YEAHHHHHHHHH
aFJADJFAJFDJFJAJDFJFAJJDa
YAAAAAAAAAAJAa­
AFJDAFJADJFAAAAAAa
ASLAMSLSAMSLKASMASLMSLAMSLMSMALS
WORODORDORDODRODORDORDOR
TRITHITURHTURHTUIRHTURHTURHTUOLIEIEIELI­EIELKEILEIEILEILEIEI EYES YES EY ESYT EYS YSE YSE SY EY ESY EY SEY SY ES EY EY SEYE EY  Y
JAHAHAHAHAH
a

ends on a nice little key

seriously, don't worry about me
Feb 2015 · 290
cursed from childbirth
cursed with the fear of monsters

I am monster

monster monster monster

I like it
I was afraid of myself
beat it to the ground, BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Feb 2015 · 234
My Prayers
God help those who are dying

Forgive me for things said, I try to be a good person

Understand my frailties, my weaknesses

allow me to learn to let go, without harming anyone

May our similarities keep me humble, and our differences set me free

change what I can, and do not suffer over what I cannot

Please
Feb 2015 · 170
Just thinking
hm?

I don't know

Idleness

hm

tend to garden

alright.
Feb 2015 · 438
A parody of the Greeks
statues standing attracting, what of pose?  what of character?  what of beauty?  


why of symmetry?  that is the most perplexing, to fathom symmetry, to be able to understand it, draw it, how come?   Why doe things seem to work out so perfect?  I wish I understood it better

Darwin says this this this this this
so did jesus that that that that

bullcrap

signed

muskrat
Feb 2015 · 294
Follow me
For ramblings, for a few toasts, taken from this and that, I do not pretend to be some sort of an original, I'm the muskrat, the pack rat who remembers just about everything, don't be so confident I won't steal from you, poor dear thing, I'm glossy and fresh and violent when necessary, contemplated evil, however sided with jesus for irony, follow for baby steps, inches and millimeters, confusion over systems, systems interacting, my fascination with inter-workings and word play, please, take a consideration.  Let yourself take a whiff of wide, whistling rings of time, leveraged by power from the gut, from a bowel movement, for me, often quite pleasant!  

Healthy and full-hearted, hacking at pretentions, though pretentious myself, making up new words, questioning the ones they keep making up, for their little webster, webster had a baby with google and their going to come out with wooble which wobbles on a stick that is sanity, there isn't a reason for your searches, misgivings, triumphs!!! no you flea, check the weather and then check back in with me

follow for diddies, I've done them all, song the senses pleasing themselves, you see, I've read too much Nietzsche, and philosophy is for the few though it influences the many, though they don't know it it crawls under their skin as a parasite disguised as aroma therapy, no, more like a prickly pine cone that pretends its harvesting majesty, philosophy!  BAH!  tyranny, majority, minority, factions, interactions, blah blah blah

I can be amusing, amusing in the sense of, forget where you are for a little while, that is my objective, to amuse, and while questions of power are more easily polarized, amusement is more chaotic, grounded in taste which is brought on by surplus, trust me I'm just getting started

follow for a friend, or foe, I like a challenge

signed,

Muskrat
Feb 2015 · 454
Curiosity 0:)
love, a chemical, love, chocolate

tresten tray deny defy, travesty trancending

******* bubbly bursting

interesting enough, a somba, met in march

making beauty, cellphone curiosities

Good times, good times, loved ones who made makers

dulce de leche, jive jive

boomering, blame, none, no no no, sake for sake, for curiosities sake, lots of that, a-floating, a wondering, a wishing

televisions pronouncing, ba ha ha ha
toot toot toot to that you old goat

love?  more, chocolate, dripping, ecstasy, dreaming, delicious!!

sentiment, sappy, taffy, the kind at the boardwalk, almonds, more, talk

tales, arcades, simple sayings, sorted out, soothing, sounding, surrender, the aesthetics, why why why, are they, projected, yet shunned?  

ugliness, the frailty, beauty, the majesty, why to all of these things?  

Ugly the, pronounced, the, proud, accentuate the, not nakedness, the, known, the pronounced, the political, in an undertone, understatement, no no no

taken up with projects of, bie bie bie

frail, your a ghost, with your camiseta, you're something else, go ahead and be

that something else, hahaha aha haha , smoke is clearing your lungs, fascinating, when the curious blends, meshes, cleanses your soul, why why why

bid farewell to your late fresh husband, he's off goodbyeing to power, which is easier said, power fresh in hands, power of statues standing time, however, power, loved by many, simplified with sentiment, body, release, taken over with the right mix, the right.... set


power, none, other, no, non, power, pulsing, bothered, hot, no

eased up again by mix, mix mix
Feb 2015 · 327
I would like fresh coffeee
but microwaved is just fine


sigh

goodbie
Feb 2015 · 780
frustrated
what for?  rambling peasants trying to let out a fury, fumbling with their sentences, letting their indulgences take over after grueling hours taking orders, what for?  A sacrifice for a kind of freedom?  what kind of freedom?  what am I seeking exactly?  You're questions are too many, your judgments multiply and snowball, stick together like monkeys in the barrel, you are chaotic, and I am fragile, what gives, why do I do this?
Feb 2015 · 265
for silence
gone amidst your brilliance, wherever I can feel you...
wishing you the best, since I can't always grapple with your success
shrill and forceful, yet sleek, let me swim

for you, I shimmer, make ends meet again

signed,
Muskrat
Feb 2015 · 452
Ilyse Liffreing
Love, Have it

and sabotage my insides, lightly, over espresso
nearly and dear, you have a petit face, hephurn, burn, burn
nice and sax, frazzled tenor sax, her voice, innocent, behind
nice, chocolate-coated and cool
I feel a
magic
Feb 2015 · 301
Why?
why does my mind choose to torture itself?

pushing itself towards ledges, holding up the gun, dramatic, dramatic

intensify, intensity, I don't know, whatever you want to say about me

interesting intropective, tortured, pathetic
Feb 2015 · 273
glossy freeedom?
do you strike me?  yes?


In the best moments"??? yeS??? of course you do

yes yes yes, good

alright

glossy freedom?  yeah, okay, cool like toothpaste, fresh like green apples cmon

glossy?  popular, wonderful, love it, dance, dance, dance


glide?  go at at, go with it, take a stab at it stomp at it, sit with it, sit on the high note, take off the high pressure, add it a bit of mid

glossy froeedom?  You got me, slip
Feb 2015 · 353
Jest to
loveable entities hearing for fetters, the simmering waters, the pigeons with their beaks, manners, manners in their eyes, their ideals, the patio, the people, the place to stay, the place for dance, yeah, the place jest to

jest to

jest to

loveable entities eating out their souls, lightning to the fearful foes, seemingly freed from bearings but always flipped, flipped, flipped,

perception, the *****, in the sense of lesser,


fight fight fight fight fight!!!


they're gonna grab us!!!


fight fight!!!

they're out for me, the ones who I knew and loveDWa

NADHT THEREY"RE NOT GONNA AUQIUET

HAHA
OaHHGFH


don't deceive me, don't leave me, neither neither neither, tossing the chandelier, chucking the feather, cunning is nothing, no no, no, no hero
Feb 2015 · 355
Catcher
Shooting counting, destroying stars, wanting to grab a hold of them, just in lit
d
filter myself, filter myself

just a child, trying to wear the cool sunglasses

wanting to wear the cool sunglasses

the look, the style, not of vanity, but of deep identity, cleanse me of this skin, what am I even made of?  

your shivering, let go, linens, linens

figures out for a few seconds, but they should all be floating, falling to the ground as little pass note slipper keepers, for the easy dreamers, cut from their wires, extending to reaching hands, just those eager souls dramatizing their everything, dramatizing the world, the love, the soul, the food, out to those ones, yeah yeah yeah yeah,

who I have to stick my neck out for, those those those, the most painful, to be a alive is to be animal, to be civil is to be human, but to be of passion is to be of hero, to be of hero is of inevitable loneliness
Feb 2015 · 345
A good day, I am an artist
Today, without a doubt, best in a while, woke up easily, drank coffee, talked to girlfriend, stability

processing power, delays, high octane fury, filtered through a glorious glass hole, gaze and wonder with me, I'm somewhere that seems to be..further away, it was all allowed to happen, I took control of it, or I let it go?  Honestly that thought perplexes me, I don't know, a whirl wind I'm on a spaceship, reading to roosters, letting them give their crow,, allowing them to breath in deeply and cough where needed, its connecting on a stream, and the stream is nice and easy, It understands what it has control over and what it doesn't, and I'm giving in

or maybe that isn't what is happening, the mind can be deceiving, if all this time spent with work would merit that the work be good, I wouldn't have a problem at all

but work must turn out to be decent work, so on we trudge, a walk of desperate, terrifying shame, humility, plays with modesty.  To appreciate art is one, but to identify is another, seeped in a cauldron of subjectivitities, no more like miccrochorsims, exploring their own roots deeply chaotic, deeply beyond, anything, I, understand.....


this is the stage where I am allowed to write poems about being a poet, because I am a young poet
Feb 2015 · 448
A fantasy adventure
Care to have a think?  I thinking not, thoughts through fixations

flick a cigarette and lick a split, you savaging *****, sensitivity of a ****

Come wardrobed with me in Narnia, waking with fixed hats, Wonderland, Haunted by petty notes, humorous haunting, actually amusing
slaving over the machines, slaving over the rides,

I ensure you, I know how to have a good time

Raging with rambunctious rugrats, pleasant and fun, consuming hours, forgotten hours, fantasies are magic, to forget is perfect

love of saggatarius?  love of Scorpio?  Jupider and Mars?   your words that you thought meant something burn up in the wind, after a long bonfire, burn the ones we thought were vain, it all came from the same well, frame  them all,

frame all of them, in my haunted fantasy
Feb 2015 · 394
Inadequacy
many more to come?  back in the saddle with me, here I go, racing with time, trying to fix this and that, held back by small things said, tinkering with the abstract, thoughts of a pendulum grandiose swifts swaying three ways, three times, over and over again, coming up short, a parody of sorts, teachers not caring to comment, B's a great and C's acceptable, supposed to go to a play, to a thing, a thing a thing,


supposed to go to this and that, supposed to find out a time

schedules, scheduling, nobody really profiting, meetings held for three hours, right after lunch break, everybody too tired, right before, everyone too sleepy, giving it away, giving it away

where is the water going?  How are we going to fix it?
Feb 2015 · 282
Morning Reflections
Working on em, definitely held down by some restraint, some anxieties, that keep presenting themselves in my dreams.  Things becoming taller even when I'm feeling good, my loved ones getting lost in the midst of it, soldiers marching

folding themselves over into my state of mind, constant

held to it, sort of touching it, but having a difficult time breathing

filling up my mind, more intricacy, dashing through snow, trying to stay warm

like trying to stay warm in winter in yosemete.  Its rainy and awful outside and I have a few songs to write, yeah, its like one of those days

flattery doesn't seem to affect me the same way it used to, it used to be that flattery could make my week better, but now, I don't crave it in the same way, wish I did because then my life would be easier.

The lowly artist lost, I'm already bored with this one
Feb 2015 · 619
GOT IT
NOPE

BAHAHHAHAHA

junior guards granting a mission to mars

penelope singing sweetly with michalel jackson, creepily cranking out smooth criminal with howling wolf,

mothers bathing their babies in brookes, blessed and stressed and bothered by the milkman

brandy brought in by buccaneers seeps quickly and sours stale tempers

beautiful bodies blanking when naked and with no lighting

coffee stains adding character to create extra bold whiteness for optimists

lovers kissing kindly and collecting each others debts of brokenness
Feb 2015 · 330
Edit
Edit, one two three

Check, one two three

is it on?  Is it working

Edit, one two three

You still with me?
Feb 2015 · 776
onward onward
through the mist guiding the passions, fading and breathed in, staining the walls with the smell, the dank fragrance, memories sticking like fly paper, album covers and ways of speaking, scents can be everything, wafting in and chugging towards the center of something, the attention, the roominess, the raunchy, the rancid, or the romantic, only a very fine line between masculine and rustic, and their hybrid sensuates at the touch and is sensitive, a necklace worn all night is left at the bedside for a poor desperate lover, who does nothing but cling to it in the midst of his studies

onward onward, old smells and new ones, sometimes devoid of it, expressionless scents, who have high ceilings, their masks, masks meant for emotional recurrence, masks made for actors moving through space, neutrality has its own unique sensitivity, diluted in sink water, minerals that we don't know of, the actors

onward onward, potent as green dank in parks, distinguish between cow dung and the potent plant can sometimes be difficult, dare to know strands, dare to be a master of wine, on the other hand, dabbling in notes that are sung with different feasts, wine, and bread, and grass

taste, driving onward, taste in fragrance, relativity, yet grounded in set and nurturing baby powder, cool and refreshing, but driven to the ends of the earth with distinction, with fine lines, onward onward I stake to make my way but consistently do not understand it, scent
Feb 2015 · 187
Miss
just
tight
and cramped
just, a song
I made one
it was good
where are you?
Feb 2015 · 748
On grooming
groommmm

hair hair haior, *******, nice little bottles of argon oil always brushing through the trend lines, going to the mirror for a look, one step at a time, marches at slow smokey march at a time, look right?  The flight jacket, the night jacket, no jacket, sweet **** sweet ****, got nothing, nothing to wear, nakedness!  Understated or understated, daring, daunting, flaunting, or cautious and cunning

draping yourself with silks for purposeful purposes, pushing for posh just for pastime, your packing a great reward of pios compliments, or respect unspoken, either way next to god, genuine, lovely

or not, or just of hastle, of constant tagedy, of struggle, of daily rotine driven you crazy
sing it in my ear, a little cliche that you know
would make my day much better
coffee and beer, without you here
I'd like to have you here
Feb 2015 · 395
yes yes yes
yaas yaws said neil cassidy, and dean smiled back, I have no idea what you are talking about, carlo said to ginsberg, this one is crazy, and then sal said to keroac delete delete delete deleted delete
Feb 2015 · 375
molten lava
ulcen pulsen dorowning dissolving, not above, not dissolving, let if feel let it push let it melt groove and let it go to the ticick gutiarr that is applying and attempting to be real, attempting to say the real message, what is the real message, what kind of ptirkck you trine to pull the bass is suspicious and it wants to help the little guy on its way, there is something approaches in the background, it makes a small sound that is ver y distant bout it begins to come closer, very slowly, with a dinosaur tail
Feb 2015 · 309
Waiting for it to come
grrooooming and backing wearing and ruff tide tearing ahhh I'm trying to catch onto the sentiment but it passes away from my lips, I am left in the trenches ,  I am left to take on my own tyoe of instrumental twist, taking in the twists, anticipating the next adventure, attempting to throw down into the river with the gators, smiling up at me, in theist little baseball caps,they reach out for their meat of th eday, st

anticipation, anticipation, the black uhuru has a unique sound to them, I feel like I'm listening to something very exotic, it is very alluring

anticipation, anticpation, just at the tip of a tounge, more tickling than precum, no, its a dip, its a small little cusp into river, yeah, into the river

anticipation, I cannot stand it, I'm getting sick of always making it work in my direction, I am tired of not being able to be tired, I wish that my mind would rest, but I feel like I am onto some sort of plan

the times stare ant me, and those who are closest to me understand a few things but there are others that they would not understand, not even my therapist understands, which really makes me feel crazy
Feb 2015 · 297
is it the big one?
is the big one coming yet?  I'm anticipating it

god ******, *******, you already feel better
you god ****** *******, sometimes you just gotta talk like hunter
doing is doing is doing, but doers do, while those who also do do what doers do but say more than enough.  The dooers do the abstract, the doers never quit, the doers are cursed, then those who don't  also do be doing justice to those waiting to be done, a doers responsibility, strangely enough

doing justice
doing respect
doing love
doing peace

justifications?  reasoning?  reason reason reason

just annoying noises? An idea stuck like a plunger after ****



do do do doing doing do, why then, do?  Why exactly

To live
Feb 2015 · 298
note to self
my dancing is as if christopher walken and a muskrat


Get your **** on
Feb 2015 · 269
just
a talk, here and there, smoke

David was right, about this and that

yes, yes yes, and he, looks out the window when he is speaking

his voice is a relaxed tenor, with a gruff, with a trimmed, kept white beard, healthy looking

progress not perfection

practice humility and you will never be humiliated

what do you mean by this?  what does that mean in relation to yourself?

the laughs, we laugh, irony, george carlin

just sighs, but the productive ones, the ones that a train makes in its initial conflict with the engine, the wheels clinking over the spokes, the passengers looking out the window in reserved anticipation, children asking for more candy

just, therapy, a relationship of authenticity, but then you have to ask what is authentic, the self is starting to drive me crazy, I feel who I am changes every day

I am one at a party, and I celebrate my new found self, and it is opened and it climaxes,

and then I emerge from the sofa and it stinks of stale smoke, the floors sticky, and

I am in the shower and naked, naked, water, euphoric, cleansed

and I look in the mirror, and who?  what?  

is an imagination capable of shifting the behavior enough that reason can be manipulated, and even the most insane, deviant ideas can be justified with symbols, language?  the right language,

centered, strong defense, high jump, killer right jab,
Feb 2015 · 361
To wake up to a big empty
waking up with the proper hangover cure

coffee and gatorade, and klonopin, waiting for my therapist to call me

I keep looking for answers to things, foolishly,
I look in all kinds of places
I don’t know if I will ever understand myself
or the image of what I imagine myself to be
there are some that say that the ego is happiness’ worst enemy
and I am aware that I am part of a greater wisdom, but what is the fine line?  How do I get what I want and still stay sincere and humble?  I ask these questions and they fall flat, as If I’m missing something, there’s some sort of lever hidden in my backyard that needs to be cranked, and ill have roots dug deep beneath my boots.  

fliting with my girlfriend over text, the jingle and the vibration when i get the ring is better than ******, what was I thinking about again?
Feb 2015 · 312
sleep
as if sleep is surrender, beckoning to me, as some sort of a menacing creature from a cartoon series,w ith a fishtail and a gibbering little smile, beckoning, and I am defenseless yet also powerful, sitting on my carpet, contemplating, fathoming both at the same time, some sort of monster of expressionless decodiing, opposites etracting, the big electron molecule, formulating, loving, inspiring, some sort of microscopic revelation fuming at the nostrils, tainting your insights, understnadinging your favorite disvoering, letting it be what it is, letting it go away peacefully, the biggest challenges in life, making their way to the center of your nut, and your whipping for breath, bearing the best and manliest ******* bandana, and you are wearing a mustache, in deep trying to let go of hostilities, but your are swept with madness, your eyes hurt and your mind flickers with the pride of others, interested in telepathy, the kunds of shops where they take your money for their intuitions, spirituality as a mystery that is uplifting, some sort of malice that has wreaked havoc and yet brought on the curious which brings on the mystery which brings on the fun, you’re at it
Feb 2015 · 389
Dancers
Letters of old dancers dancing to music, touching undone turbulents, formulating makeshift sentences, releasing their fury onto the world, the saints who have done no harm but are forced to make all the decisions, delivering daggers, of fury, in their brass outfits, off iron loviung, of bows and arrows locking into the hearsts of men and women in the same place, of peopple, yes, of humans loving intimacy, of loving dominance and power and in acceptance, of superiority or infiriority, clowning at majestic paragraphs, that are meaningful then meaningless, that are gibber gabber, edgar allen poe, allen ginsburg, allen allen allen clowning in your ear get back there in a fury!  make of an echo and make out of a whisper!  and do and do and do



Jolted, ready for action, body ready with a menacing pride, ready to unleash some kind of chemical, what kind of chemical, of brass of of object, some sort of metal recurring in me, let it go, release the fury, how to learn to let go proprery, let it go with some sort of a grace, doesn’t seem to be entirely possible, how does one really, really, let go?  exactly?  how do I know when my concioesnneseneses which I can never spell right is actually functioning?  when is it actually functioning at the proper measures?  I ask this humbly, as if talking to my therapist, who is thrilled with his PHD, who really really really wants to help me, and understand my disease, my disorder, where did this guy come from?  He’s full of grey hair and he knows nothing and everything and his advice is that of a weight which drags me down and sombers my tone, but is left a note in my boats prolonged brigade of bridges, bringing me back to basics
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