My mind's heavy with the words I don't say,
My hands are ***** with the work I put in,

My soul is drenched with the blood that I sprayed,
My body's covered in the scars of the pain,

I fought to gain more than I could get,
But my life's been a gamble for the bet that I've placed,

It ain't ok to think about the things I don't say,
But if I say them..
I'll be in four point restraints,

It's heavy..
But I have a mean poker face,
I don't show it..
I grimace through my dismay,

I told you,
My mind's heavy and you can't live in this space,
I'm a head case therapy and pills don't work for this damaged case

I was skipping on that fine line of life and death,
I was running through the trenches and drug habits,

Not for a second did I fear it,
In fact, I loved every moment of it,
The fast life gave me a taste for the hell I've made,

I made my bed,
Now I gotta lay in it,
It's about time I got up and set it a flame,
I'm here to stay,
No overdosing today,

But I'm living in the margins with no one to blame,

Yea, I told him:
"You either bring it to me or I'll go find it"
Like danger was the only thing that I craved,

And I normalized the needle to vain,
The monkey on my back grew into an ape,
And I couldn't get enough so I ate and ate,
Til my stomach was sick and my life's a mess,

Hey, this wasn't the future I saw for myself,
And now I'm sitting on the sidelines of could-have-beens,

I could've been smart,
Could've been great,
I could've stayed in school and built my mansion on bricks,

Instead I deviated the plan and it was plagued,
I was blinded by puppy love and the money I made,

It's safe to say pretty soon I needed a place to stay,
Because the home that I built was never a safe place,

It's taken me 9yrs to repair the damage I made,
And I'm still on the margins of my duality where there is no escape

I kissed the sun,
I raised the dead,
I took another shot to the head,
he asked me "baby you need another one? You good?"
And I said "I'm ok",
I took that shot of matchstick ******, leaned back on momma's bed,
turned blue I flatlined then,
I kissed the sun,
I joined the dead,
The baby's screaming like an alarm clock and she crawls to me,
Im drenched,
I wake,
He says "sorry baby your face is gonna hurt tomorrow"
He says "you stopped breathing and you were blue we threw you in the tub there's no response",
"We slapped the **** out of you" ,
I licked the sun,
Flirted with death,
I tasted for once all the damage I had done,
Momma came home she never knew just hours ago her baby laid dead in her bed,
This was the 3rd time that I blotted out the sun,
And it's the last time I'll take my soul back

He's gone,
But I'm still here,
He's held me captive for so many years now,
I've stopped having those dreams where I've moved on but always returned to my torturous old home,
Where he won't allow me another lover,
Where I am no longer comfortable in,
Where it no longer brings warmth or joy,
Just a vision of my ruins pain and despair,
I have a chastity hugging my throat,
From it hangs a rose crystal meant for healing,
But in return only holds me as it's only prisoner

The fire has long expired,
This one sided love got me bored and n tired,
You said you never saw me like that,
Like I was never to be loved,
Like I was never your girl and that's fine,
I get better with the time,
I'm that girl that ages like fine wine,
You're a grape that rotted off my vine,
Every word out of your mouth nothing but lies,
But now another one caught my eye,
And unlike you I know how to say goodbye,
And now I know you'll love me when I'm gone,
Love me when I'm DONE,
Miss me when you no longer can pick up that line,
Thought you can keep me in the back burner,
But honey I'm the burn and hurt you when I take my heart back,
And you can diss me when I laugh,
Miss me when you cry,
I always knew I'd leave a mark,
Leave a scar,
Leave your ***** bagged up in the back of my car,
And it will never matter what you do,
I will never come back to you,
And you can love me when I'm gone,
Miss me when I'm done,
But there is nothing you can have that I will ever, ever want

Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
Stars in my eyes,
I can be anything when I am HiiGH,
Kiss me sweetly,
Blood on my lips,
Licked that poison off the top of a needle,
Push the plunger,
Stars in my eyes,
I only love you when I’m high,
After the train has left the station…
***** dont touch me!!
It stings like broken glass,
Left these track marks all on my arms,
Push the plunger,
Pull the thread,
I am nothing when I am DEAD

I tease the thought of what love could be,
I tease the thought with a fine toothed comb,
Weaving intricate designs that appeal to the eye and mind,
I think about all the fruits he brought,
Sweet tooth tricked my brain into thinking bitter fruit was bliss,
I tease the thought of love with ease,
But the bitter after taste stung my lips with a poisoned kiss,
I flirt with the fantasy that love may be real,
I **** the flame the moment I feel,
I've walked the walk enough times to know...
That love teases me and I don't tease it.