I was in a rush,
Rush that pushed too far,
Weekend warrior converted to a carrier for the monkey on her back,
She can handle the monkey on her back...
******* it's a gorilla now,
Holds her tightly in a chokehold,
Dispersing inner demons, rage and a pseudo sense of happiness,
Years now passed living thru her hollow shell,
She don't feel.. not anymore,
Not since she jumped back on that black horse,
It was time to retire this tired horse,
And her broken soul as well,
Too many years she saw her soul mixed in a silver spoon and needle,
She learned to tame an unrelenting horse,
For years with no triggers at all,
Then suddenly the silent killer crossed her path again....
Beckoned her BACK,
It's so alluring... Her mystery,
But it's just a trap,
And here I find myself again riding the black horse on an aluminum foil road,
Watching life disappear... as she's lost up in smoke.

I am judged by my skin ONLY,
Frowned upon on by my skin,
Minimized by my skin.

Opportunity and second chances are never given,
I'm taken for granted,
Treated like a dummy,
BY MY SKIN,

Not by race, sexuality, social status or my gender,
But by the way I chose to express myself,
By the way I turned my body into art,
A road map of collaborated stories,
Permanently imbedded in my skin,

I face prejudice and disapproving scrunched up glances on a DAILY,
As if I'm a walking sin,
Not because I'm black, white, red or yellow.... But because of the Ink tattooed upon my skin,

Because I chose to match the outside with what's on the inside,
Because I'm not ashamed to display who I really am,
I don't live by the approval of others,
I balance on the razors edge on a DAILY,

I cut my chances to come up by half,
When I chose to mark my skin,
Because being tattooed, a walking work of art, a circus sideshow freak show,
Is just like being black,

I'M JUDGED BY MY APPEARANCE ALONE,
In the ignorant public eyes I'm just an uneducated high school dropout, gangbanger, criminal or addict,
Even though IM NONE OF THOSE THINGS,
Never given the chance to know me,
Just dismiss me *** they think they KNOW ME,

People lock their doors when I walk by,
Hide their children, wallets, and belongings,
Despite my education, my experience and lengthy diverse resumes,
They won't hire me because they judge me BY MY SKIN.

I have come across many broken souls,
Angel's that fell from heaven and landed in blood,
We are the degenerate generation,
Victims of environment and circumstance,
Those who had no guidance stood no chance,
Some were thrown to snake pit and didn't last,
Some of us brushed off the dust and just danced,
Unscathed like water couldn't touch a flame,
Looked the devil in the face told him I was game,
I'm no lame and I'll step over all his flames,
Everyday I come across another story that reigned in blood and glory,
Gives enough of a spark to ignite a fire in me,
Everytime I feel weak I remember all the faces, and the stories every angel bathed in blood had told me,
Never lie down,  prove them all wrong and conquer thee,
Then only then will your soul truly be FREE.

Today I had a really exciting day,
I couldn't wait to send you a txt but ..... Wait..
I forget, that was yesterday..
And today's another day I'm alone AGAIN,
But I couldn't wait to vent,
And I couldn't wait to laugh, I completely forgot that you aren't there & this is our last good bye,
And I have no one else to pass the time,
Dry my own tears every night,
Like it's just a piece of pie,
And I can't tell you how many times I wanna die,
But I keep it all inside,
*** I'm not yours,
And you were never mine,
I hold myself at night to keep all my pieces in place inside,
So I don't lose my whole self this time,
And I picked up the phone to tell you what's on my mind,
But we ain't cool like that,
You ****** up my whole mind,
Im screaming deep inside and no one pays me any mind,
I smiled when I saw your name pop up,
I wanted to make you laugh,
Picked up the phone then I  remembered... We are done,
And we don't talk like that anymore.

Sometimes I miss the DARKNESS..
It's where I always feel safe,
Where shadows never follow... Because they are created by LIGHT,
I've NEVER been a child of God,
I frolick in the night,
Sometimes I even miss the PAIN,
It makes me feel ALIVE,
They say "Come to the Light"
But that's too close to DYING, like flirting with suicide,
Sometimes I miss the darkness...
It's cool, crisp kiss upon thy cheek,
Right here I can cry FREELY,
And no one See's a tear,
I'm married to the darkness,
His cold- hearted bride frozen in Suspended time,
Because everybody knows if you follow the light...
YOU ARE SOON TO DIE,
And no one escapes the REAPER... for you cannot DIE TWICE.

I knew this day was coming..
WE knew it all along,
We didn't know when or where,
Dreaded that fateful call,
It was a sunny summer July day,
A day that soon turned grey,
On the 7th day of the 7th month your body would start decay,
It's a day I'll NEVER forget,
I day I'll never miss,
But it's not that day that hurt me the most.... It was the day BEFORE,
In the parking lot at Jon's liquor store,
When out her mouth came out these words:
"DADDY, I LOVE YOU, I want things to go back the way they used to be... It hurts me to see you out here this way"

At 6 yrs old her last parting words, they stung to me the most,
A week before they both were born,
I took the biggest pill I ever swallowed,
Soon that sunny summer day faded into grey,
I didn't cry, I didn't scream,
I went silent and NUMB for about a week,
That day I heard my soul shatter like glass,
He took a piece of me with him..
But it was her last parting words that BROKE my heart that day.

I love your insecurities,
The things you see,that I don't see,
I examine you like a specimen, a wonder, like a new invention,
You'll never catch me staring,
But I'll tell you that I do,
I may not use words to express all that I harbor....
But, I use the language of my body and the curves of my spine,
Quench your thirst with my lips,
Press the mass of you against my borders,
I'll use all the things I Despise about myself, like I see no fault in them,
I'll kiss every scar on your body and caress everything you hate about yourself,
I'll change the bad taste on your tongue with a kiss sweet as cherry wine,
And although I throw blows like the arms of a brother,
I am tender with the love of a mother,
And I don't fear to see what your afraid to reveal,
I crave to taste all of you...
the good, the bad, the ugly. ALL THE THINGS YOU HATE YOURSELF.
-Scar Savage