Make me a vision,
Make me a muse,
Make me feel butterflies deep in the womb,

Make me your lover,
But also your friend,
Turn me into a poem of bliss,

Make me feel something,
Make me a song,
Make me into one of those girls they make art about

She decided enough is enough,
Tired of being a diamond buried in the rough,
Always got the cold shoulder,
Always raised to be tough,
Tough love was the only love she ever got,
She split herself into two and forgot,
That she also needed to feel human,
She also needed some warmth,

She ****** around and fell in love,
But of course with the wrong one,
10 years came and gone,
10 years became a decade,
She loved him to the endless,
Soon enough he became a headache,
She had enough of all the emotional abuse,
Sometimes turned into physical misuse,

Finally she started to try to save face,
She tried to leave him but he would make her stay,
Out of fear she always went home,
But he never did let go,

And he never got around to treat her like she deserved,
The hardest decision for her was to sever her ties,
The very vows that tied them together,
After his betrayal she had to let him go,
But he just couldn't watch her walk away,

He decided if I can't have her NO ONE WILL EVER!!

He cancelled himself out and said to her:
If you can't be my wife I'll be the WIDOWMAKER

When I look in the mirror
I don't see HER
I don't see ME
I DONT SEE ANYTHING
.. or anyone

I see just through her

I catch micro glimpses of her staring back at me
I try to find missing pieces of who I used to be
Before I became THIS

And sometimes I can almost see her ...

Most times her memory is small like a needle hole
Most times she just stares right through me

Like water
She is there..
But you can't touch her
My hand just passes through her
Never catching her

Or me
Or she
Am I even here?
Or real..

I don't know

When I look in the mirror
I am ugly
When I see her in pictures
She is lovely

But I don't know who that is..
Is she me?
Am I HER?
I don't really see me like everyone says I am

Why do I always feel like this isn't me living my own life?
Like I'm watching a mirage, a story of someone else's life

It's only when I tell my story that I know THIS was really ALL OF ME

But I don't think I look like her
Or she
Or me

Maybe I'm too deep
Maybe you're too shallow
Maybe I'm too advanced
And all my wisdom you can't swallow

Maybe I'm too crazy
Maybe you're just dense
And you never questioned the what if's or what-nots

Maybe I seem insane
Because I know too much
Maybe you never asked the questions to get the answers you never got

Memories, that is all I have left,
Candid memories ever fleeting day by day,
I tried to preserve them,
Keep them sweet like marmalade,
I try to keep them,
I don't want them to fade,
But with time the corners curl up like a photograph,
And with time nothing is tangible only digital,
It's hard to hold on to things you can't feel in your hands,
It's hard to see them,
When it's not everyday,
Memories, that is all I have left,
I try to keep them..
Fresh like that pine tree freshener that swings from my car mirror,
I try to hold onto the ring of your laughter,
I try to remember the tenderness in your eyes when you gazed upon mine,
Now just a memory fading with time,
They are just memories sweeping in and out with the tides,
I try to keep pictures the only snapshots left of our former lives,
I try to look at them and imagine them come to life,
But these memories with time are fading like the colors in my hair,
All these memories bittersweet like the tattoos I bare,
They are beautiful but they sting with the air,
All these memories I keep them trapped locked in a box

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend that I am dead,
In the world of make believe,
I believe maybe there is relief,

I found it at the bottom of a bottle,
I found it at the tip of a needle,
I found it burning at the bottom of a glass bowl,

In the world of play pretend,
I don't have to raise my fist,
In the world of make believe,
I believe I am at peace,
I never have to fight another human being for what is mine,
I never have to make deals with my demons for my soul back,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend red balloons and bent up spoons don't bother me,
In the world of make believe,
I believe that clicking torches and plastic baggies don't trigger me,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend I'm not this rageful girl that will set the world on fire,
In the land of make believe,
I make believe my soul can be as pretty as my face is,

In the world of play pretend,
I pretend I'm not always the bad guy,
In the land of make believe I try to make believe I can reverse all of my mistakes

One day you'll adore them
Instead of only admiring from a distance,
Someday I'll grow in love
Instead of falling in and out of it,

One day you will be seen
But also heard,
Someday I want to make love
Instead of having casual ***,

One day you will find someone who wants you back,
Someday, maybe I'll want you too,

One day you'll give them all of your being,
Someday I'll get to keep all the love I ALWAYS give