I have many letters for my Daughter..
Not in paper,
Not in pen,
I have many letters for my daughter...
In my head,
Written with soul,
These are life long letters..
As I grew, as she grew,
These are words I never said,
Never spoke,
Because I was never taught to use my voice,
And this does not excuse me,
Not at all,
Not for my ignorance,
But it wasn't so much ignorance,
It was more lack of knowing love that I never got,
I tried to raise my daughter to know the love I never had,
All the meanwhile also learning as a grown woman but feeling like a child,
An adult in numbers,
But a child still in life, a child raising a child,
All alone without my other half,
I have letters for my daughter,
They come in poetry,
They come in rhymes,
But I hold them until she's old enough to understand my silence wasn't lack of love,
Just a space for me to try to formulate all my letters in a coherent type of line,
And now my mind is changing,
Because I have seen all the fine lines that mark my mother's face,
All the silence that she held,
It wasn't lack of love or lack of voice,
It was lack of understanding what she wasn't shown,
I now live in that same shadow,
I'm trying to break a family curse,
But I have letters for my daughter scrambled iny brain,
Between my learning,
Between my ache,
Between my silence,
And my age,
I tried to raise my daughter with the words I never heard,
I always told her that I loved her,
And gave her kisses goodnight before bed at 9 o'clock,
She's now a little older,
And the sun don't shine out my ***,
She calls me on my faults,
They sting,
But I'm not angry at the truths,
I know I wasn't perfect,
I never claimed I was,
But at least I know I'm trying I think she knows that too,
But for now I'll hold these letters..
All my jumbled truth,
And there's a lot about me she doesn't know,
I don't try to overshadow her pain with my pain,
But just like the mother I resented I finally understand the truth,
That everything she held onto was all the ugly she never wanted me to hurt,
I have all these letters for my daughter,
Not in paper,
Not in pen,
One day all these tight bound letters will make sense to her some day

I don't cry and I don't smile,
My emotions are now just a muffled motion,
I don't love nor do I hate,
I'm just numb to all the pain both brings,
I'm not melancholy nor am I angry,
My reactions short of feeling,
But I am still like static,
A grumbling white noise screeching,
It can be either peaceful or simply maddening

I can be the perfect wife but that doesn't mean he'll stay,
I can be the prettiest thing sitting on his lap but that still won't make him MINE,
I can cook and clean and bend over backwards til my spine snaps,
STILL that doesn't mean a thing when he stabs me in the back,
I can be the perfect girl but that isn't what he wants,
He ***** around with the girl he doesn't have to give anything back,
He likes to be a vagabond feeding off every flower's nectar,
I can make his house a home and give him children but what's the point?
At the end of the day I feed the family while he feeds me scraps,
And I'm supposed to be a good girl say "Thank You" and never talk back?
I have learned a very hard lesson in life,
He made me his wife for 10yrs but I'm happier when he is gone,
And I won't stay
I won't ever be wed again,
I'm not willing to sacrifice my freedom for anyone's delight,
And I know you don't like to be alone,
But I won't in misery for your company,
I'm happier ALONE..
I WONT

Promises, promises
Your empty words are such a bore to me,
Your unkempt words just disappear into the abyss,
Your promises mean absolutely NOTHING to me,

Promises, promises,
You couldn't keep
Even if they were tied to you they wouldn't reach,
Just another man that doesn't practice what he preach,

Promises, promises,
Your empty promises are just a gas,
And just like gas they stink to me,
They couldn't hold sustenance in my realm,
Because where I stand everything I say is REAL,

Promises, promises,
Just another far fetched dream,
Your just another man that thinks he's "special" but you are just as generic as the men I met before you

Sometimes my wild soul
Misses the outside
Misses the cold
Misses laying on the floor
Hearing the creaking of crickets
Hearing the rustling of leaves
Feeling the cool breeze brush upon my cheeks
Sometimes my wild heart
Misses the danger
Misses the dirt
Misses the feeling of being alone
No one to miss me
No one to kiss me
Only the moonlight gleaming on my skin
Sometimes my wild spirit
Misses the freedom
Misses the non constriction of the walls that I live in
Misses the feeling of hunting for food
Hunting for shelter
Misses the anonymity of being a ghost

Even if you didn't die when you did,
In the end I still believe that I would've been your end.
I loved you and I hated you,
But we both know I was the one meant to stay here,
And every night when the moon is full,
You return to haunt me,
Like a shadow clinging to the asphalt

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile FADE

I know when I see you
It's another ******* day

I don't understand it
Why you always complicate
The simplest of tasks always becomes a rubix cube of play

I'm starting to feel pre-annoyance everyday
Before I even clock into work I know your gonna **** me off

Everytime I see you
I feel my smile fade

I'm getting so sick of coming in here everyday