I was tired too, and finally, I was so exhausted with the concept of trying to win your attention, it was too much to deal with. I loved you, Sydney, but I don't want to anymore, so I've convinced myself that I don't. You'll never read this, but so many nights, I spent them awake, just for a text, for a hello, for an "I love you" but most nights it never came. So there I was, alone in my head with all these thoughts that you could never handle because you had too much to deal with already. Everything was so stressful when it was about you, but my issues? They were just mine. I don't remember the last time I could talk with someone about my issues, but I know that it wasn't with you, because why would you try any length to understand me when I had so much energy left to put into understanding you. I never had the energy, I was running on pure fumes and desperate willpower to understand you. I would grab you, toss you above me, and let myself take the fall even when you were the one who jumped off the cliff. You'll never read this, but you made me happier than I have ever been. Short was our time together, but still, there we were, experiencing something I thought and could have sworn was real. You'll never read this, but I hated these thoughts that I have much more than you do. I wish, more than anything, that I could have focused on the good, but where was the good when you'd leave for a day or two? Where was the good when I didn't have you there to try and help me at least a little bit? It doesn't take much to make me happy, you had all the tools, you just claimed not to know how to use them. How can you not know how to be present, you're so easily doing it for everyone else, aren't you? You'll never read this, but you were never a waste of breath to me. You were my everything, and that never seemed to matter to you. I get sad now, at the thought of songs that have your name, or that have your melody, or that have our stories. I get sad when I go too fast with the windows down because all I can remember is the feeling of you next to me on that roller coaster. I get sad when I'm calling someone because I keep hoping you'll call to give me an excuse to hang up on them, but you never do. And even before now, I knew that I needed to stop waiting. Things were hard before I left, because, in many ways, you had already been gone. I do love you, and care for you, always, and forever, that was my promise to you, but hey, go talk to your friends about me the way you talked to me about them, I don't mind. We know the truths ourselves, and that's fair, Sydney because we've been children all of our lives, why would we pretend we could grow up because of date signifying birth. We'll grow up eventually. It was the right person, wrong time, perhaps, or maybe you are just another lesson I needed to be taught. Regardless, all I know is that you'll never read this, but I'm in love with you, I just wish I never met you.