1.9.

I lied
about you
to live in
a lie that
was made
by you

You helped
convince me
you said it
was the truth

They said I
manipulated
ways to change
versions
Possible fate
with you

Now your eyes
my tears
You made me
need you
Said you didn't
know how
you could cry
for you

I saw the anger
taking you
anger that made
me hate you
For not loving
myself
I didn't know how
I couldn't
I won't
I refuse
to love
without you

It showed me ways
through you
to become you

My red painted
lips
Your lips
I gave to you
Made a language
for us
Interpreted rough
kisses
In ways it made
definition afraid
to define us

Silently I
translate
ways of what
it was

The feeling of
how it felt
to belong
to be your
someone
Is it selfish
to say
to wish
I took away
your feeling
the knowledge
of belonging
Watch how
I begin to
dissipate




1.10.

Black streaks
down my cheeks
Tears that once
masked
Tears trying
to make up
For not running
For falling

You said
to stay away
with you
I made you
you take me
Planned our
getaway
high speed chase
Repairing our
collision
We raced
Robbing empty
banks
No time
to refuel
You let me
crash
couldn't look
back
You killed me
backing up
into you

Kiss my red lips
your favourite
Your shade of
lipstick
Do you remember
the love
The taste of
my lips
on your lips?

Every day to you
I prayed
I begged
to stay down
with you
Your favourite
shade
our grave
Don't you remember?

I do

That was
the first lie
you made a
promise too
You said I
could go
everywhere
with you
Don’t you remember?

I do

I lost that
stick
It’s just *******
lipstick
You told me it was
your favourite
It was my only
thing left
of you

No shades
to see
Colours left
of me
I lost me
that night too

My red lips
still red
not because
your heart
has bled

Because mine bleeds
red shades of you

1.8.

Sometimes
I get bored
I play dangerous
games

Used some matches
Turned to ashes
Burning my cash
was the only way
I ever made
the thunder crash

During confession
even the priest
is swearin
and sweatin
telling me
how pretty
******* crazy
I am

Well my daddy always said
“ if the boys
be prayin
sayin you
crazy
then baby girl
show these boys
what it means
to be insane “

So I’m
stealing
every dictionary
Page by page
Every definition
of insanity
is getting thrown
into the flame

Just try to
*******
define me
If you want
to see how
crazy I
can bee
watch how
I dance in
elements of
fire

Embers of loose
translations
watch them
disappear

turned to stars
forever crying
in the living
skies

Later on
with the
smoke
As I slit
my throat
Watch me
bleed
the *******
cosmos

Covered in moon
perfumes
sweet golden
dirt
I’ll bath in
the blood
of my ancestors
unknown

Surrounded by
the flame
I have now grown
comfortable
in my own chaos

That’s how dark
my minds become

I am the night
I make everyone
of you stars shine

So come with
me and play
my game
I’ll show you
how to be so
beautifully
*******
insane

1.7.

Beauty
is a dangerous
thing
to obtain
Even the darkest
stars
warned me
It doesn’t like
to play
fair

It can lie
It can deceive
It can cheat
It even steals
you out of
your death

Shooting star
or the unworthy
dead
With my
breath
I give life
to the lost
consultations

My divine
calculations
made the
equations
That’s why
in my sleep
all three
realities
I see

I am your
fate

Waiting for you
at the flowered
gate
With spring rain
still in
my hair
Never has there
been
A woman so
fair

Scarlet begonias
Cuts and bruises
this is a
war
I don’t plan
on losing

1.5.

If only
you knew
how many laps
it would take
to make my
escape
Lost in my
minds maze
I was trapped
in dark days
Lost in
countless
ways

Time after
time
Do you know
how many
times
I have died
while alive?
   
It's not easy
having this
beautiful mind

To see nothing
but beauty
in deranged
miracles

They luminate
through my eyes

To outsmart
my own
Devil
I beat me
at my own
game
Now I wear
this ******
crown
Watching myself
I go down
on my
knees
Hear how I  
sing my own
praises
Loving myself
as I embrace
my wicked
ways

Backwards I lit
my morning
cigarette
Filter for my
silent mouth
Watch how it
ignites
Spewing toxic
blue flames
straight out of
Hell

Still I’ll inhale

Ill be the first
to admit
I've done some
pretty
****** up ****

All that time
wasted
Incarcerated
Intoxicated
Drugged out
Seduced
Body ******
Bruised and Broken
Over and over
Praying for the
day
it or I
would end
Still can’t recall
all the nights
turned to days
turned to weeks
no sleep on repeat
Stealing and Dealing
Forget to keep
dreaming

Yet here I am
Still standing
Still inhailing
my *******
cigarette

My only regret
Was falling in
love
with the right
man
After he was
gone

Only thing left
Date
Year
Numbers finalizing
Timing his final
breath

Now The Ashes
are everywhere
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

1.6.

Radio playing
Times
Timeless hit-list

If I could turn
back
my all-time
regret

Was in a moment
No sooner
or later
no matter
where
everything and
everyone
I asked
impossible questions

Why me?
What happened?
Or didn't
After we had
met

In a restricted
hall
We tried so
hard
To not be so
late
The clock kept
trying to tell
me
Yet I blamed it
For believing my
lies
I was blind from
not hearing
the warning
from time
In how we would
both become
prisoners
Forced to stare
back at
crumbling walls

Counting every
**** day
Watching every
**** tick
Fabrication
of possible
ways

My lists on
lists turned to
regret after
regret
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

How I would
wish for words
so I could
pray
I can't say
Make me forget
No I never
I won't
I don't even
smoke
Why did I
ask

“So what’s your name”

The look you
would give me
while giving
to you
In you I had
my first regret
That would lead
to you
lightning me up
that last cigarette

Now the last
thing
my only thing
left
I’m smoking all
alone
Won’t be hearing
you say my name
anymore

But I won’t ever
regret
how you had... that crave
and because of
me
You could get
a spark off
a dead lighter
Trick is
you gotta put
two dead ones
together

***
Death
Celebration
Stress

Always you'll see
me smoking

I need you
not these
stale ashes
So tell me
again
just how bad
you need
another
******* cigarette

1.4.

I know you

We met
once upon
a made up
reality
Just a
figment
of Death
We were
daydreaming

That look
in your
eyes
Tell’s me
it's
no longer
you

I guess the
rumours
are
true

You're the
one
I thought
I never
knew
if you
knew

I made
you
fabricated
you
Something
my
imagination
ran away
too

A safe
place
To save
me
from you

But if I
know you
I know that
you do
I know
that you
will
come back
to me
soon

You always do

You love the
way
You love me
and
I love to
pretend
to love you
too

1.3.

I learnt all
my best
lessons
sitting in
basements
chain smoking
with church
ladies

Smoke clouds
old Dior
perfume
filled
cold rooms
The smell
of lives
lived
Heavenly
odour
making love
under black
moons

Hell hath
no fury
like a woman
scorn
by a God

As they
weaved their
golden yarn

Regrets
of the words
lost
to their men
left for
death
in battle fields
long forgotten

They keep saying
that the
government
will save us

I can feel
it’s the end
when
the kids
their not
right
Lost in video
games
they don’t
even play
outside

Everyone else
is done
with living
Busy paying
and
praying over
the real.....

Call of Duty

Me?
I’ll just keep
playing
with my golden
string

Praying
for a
stranger
to throw
anything
my way

I’m just a beggar

Begging for
some much
needed change

1.2.

When I was a
little girl
I use to steal
my Mothers
cigarettes

She use to smoke
in the bathroom
tobacco was always
a little wet

King size red
while she read
  books on love
  she really
   had a lust for

In the school yard
in a circle
  alone I sat
   smoking stolen
    cigarettes
watched how
they burnt
  so eloquent
   in my hand

Kissed by sulphur
my lips
Blowing toxic smoke
choking
  burning
Your hand on
my throat
  I need
   one more
    
    kiss

In my bed
laying in Ash

Cigarettes
and my
  men

Lord help me
I’m in love with
the devil again