All of the things I’m doing wrong,
All of what I give isn’t enough,
Which is why I stay silent and slowly start crying telling myself,
Am I ever really good enough?

Looking way way up,
Out of this dark dark place,
Seeing the bright white stars,
Inside this really deep hole

Most of you seem out of place,
Looking way way down,
I seem to be in my space,
Ignoring the very loud crowd

It may seem lonely down here,
And so much fun up there,
I may wanna make a bigger hole,
And drown us all and make us see fear

Looking way way up,
I think to myself while my heads clear,
I think to myself while my eyes tear,
I think to myself, why am I down here?

Heart felt,
Heart break,
Can’t stand to look you in the face,
I cry,
With tears in my eyes,
Can’t seem to form words for me to speak,
If I tend to think,
My head will explode and combust with emotions I won’t be able to control

Heartache,
Heartbreak,
Headstrong,
Love-ache,
Making my heart break two folds,
The back of my neck stands too cold,
What am I doing wrong, I don’t know,
Letting my intuition sink so low,
That all of my open boxes stays closed,
I’m done with it all,
I’d rather fall.

These stones are too thick,
    Not even my knuckles that pounded on them made even a hint or a scratch,
   Even the blood stains that marked me left me screaming out…
But what’s that going to do if no one out there can hear my shouts

I wish I can feel seen…
    Instead I’m hidden underneath a stone that’s to hard for me to break free

The sky is so beautiful as I look up with my dark brown eyes,
Every aspect of colors filling me up twice the size,
And yet, I still don’t feel nothing inside.
I get up from the patches of grass underneath me,  to see in front of me, a few pine trees, rustling,
A nice breeze, that brushes my face, softly,
To abruptly see that I’m not alone, well I’ll be.
I’ve never seen this person before, ever,
And yet he comes near me, slouching down slowly, with his light brown eyes
And tries to speak to me but nothing he said towards me was coming out correctly,
And so he smiled, lightly and got back up on his feet and walked off,
Disappearing from my sights as he faded in between the trees,
And a gust of wind, closing my eyes shut heavily,
I start to hear voices calling my name,
And as the wind stopped blowing, I opened my eyes once again to see that what was in front of me was pitch black
Nothing in sight, as if I felt lost,
Left inside my own thoughts,
I didn’t want to make a slight move but,
The noise abruptly started again, gradually getting louder...
and louder...
When suddenly a door...
A door so bleak that it  was rusted, old but oddly not bullet proof,
Like there were little holes here and there but I couldn’t see through...what could be inside that is true...
To be continued

Not all guys are horrible. Not all guys are sweet and lovable. Some lie. Some are fake. Some are honest. Loyal. True. I just wanna know which one are you?

Every dying minute that I have,
Every dying minute that I find,
Every bleeding day that I take listening to your heart,
Every single day,
Why am I afraid,
Why am I afraid,
I can't believe I said that,
Can't believe I did that,
Said that I was talking,
Never gave a name,
Like a stranger, was in my thoughts,
Clinging to me like a narrow arrow,
That leads me to the next guessing game,
Like, what I do?
It's always the same,
That, dying pain, that I seem to recognize,
every time I make a mistake,
When all I could have said that,
you were my Bae.

Your, kindness follows every walking hour,
Every second that I think it's over,
Just because I made 1 tiny error,
Now ignoring with more silent terrors,
I deserve it, I deserve it all,
You, gave me love and I just let it fall,
And now my path is blocked by a narrow wall,
Blocked away from your inner thoughts,
That I can't get through, and instead I'm lost,
Lost inside my own crazy mind,
That I can't control,
When my hearts on fire,
My heart keeps pounding,
My words are drowning every single reader,
That wants to come near,
To read their letters out of fear.

It's like my tongue is twisted,
And I can't sleep through this knowing somethings missing from your silent treatment,
All I hear is, should I say it,
Should I say it, no,
It's too early to express my feelings, yes,
Maybe I'll just wait it out,
Let him tell me first, so I don't feel 'barrased or,
Should I say it now,
Since I'm crazy inside,
Let the waves take me for another ride,
Let this crazy out,
Let this crazy loose,
Let this crazy take over my mind
and let it drown me out,
Like a Crazy Train buried deeper inside,
Waiting for someone to unbreak these chains
restraining me on every side,
But that's on me, that on me,
Every single day of every week,
That's my train when I'm deep inside my feelings,
Keeping every word sacred from your hearts tongue's follow,
I'd rather keep it caged deep down,
Letting no one in and keep faking smiles.

Can't stop writing all these heavy poems, can't stop sharing all my happy feelings, cannot stop waiting for discretion, my thoughts on fire like some burning metals, dripping down my face like a melting figure, that I cannot bring myself to finally call this, like a tortured fire, like a blazing arrow, shot straight through a farrow, through a narrowed pathway,
Through this Crazy Train that I cannot follow.

Shines so high,
                          In the sky
                            where it lights
                             in-front of my eyes,
                            Crystal clearing,
                           The view is amazing,
                          Left behind
                        A spec of dust
                      Don’t fear that they’re falling,
                   On this sandy beach,
                 Where it lathers me softly,
             With every inch
         Across my skin
       Covering my body,
     The water graze my feet,
   So sweet,
    And yet,
     I’m left feeling upset,
       In defeat,
         Less upbeat,
           Cause no one is here physically with me.
              But I guess that’s fine,
              Used to being incomplete but not
              lonesome,
              My own company brings me creative
              love
              and that’s strong
              Like broken hearts that turned into
              diamonds,
              Now that’s wholesome,
              And I’ll never change a thing about me,
              Watching myself blossom.

Like playing tricks with wits and with damaged flaws,
Being mirrored inside out without a second thought,
Played with until my heart gets clawed out,
Not me,
So go along and play with me with all of my broken parts,
All they is are past hurts that I don’t want anymore

My lungs are deep & shallow,
My breathing still can’t follow.
My heart cracks in mysterious rows,
My eyes sees all but they definitely aren’t hollow.
As they fall off one by one, another is built in its place,
Except this heart is made out of steel, as my eyes are filled with your face,
and my mind but a name only my soul can reframe,
That you might be one of my other lost lace that’s the color of a red string that was once lost in all my daydreams.

We are forever,
We keep it secret,
And yet you keep my body all nice
                                                       and warm,
Even I can’t keep patient.

Blue Haze that craze,
that burns that chase,
I see but one my eyes turn blaze,
even though the stars,
they burn,
more than the sun,
they cry,
but with the right shape,
they form,
and then later,
torn.

Change is foreal,
Love is the seal,
That locks away all the bad parts and turns them real frail,
Then turns off all the lights and gives it that blue tingle feel,
I learned how to laugh when I was happy,
Learned how to cry when I was sad,
How to be angry when I was mad,
But now that I look at you I feel bad,
Like I want to get revenge,
But since I’m so fragile,
That doesn’t seem to be apart of the plan,
Healing seems like the best bet,
Just don’t be the reason why I break,
I’d rather be alone for the time being and let alone go crazy,
Crazy? I wonder if maybe you meant that kinda love,
The Joker and Harley Quinn kind of love,
But it seems you’ve already found that type of love,
With someone new,
So I think I’ll fall back than fall through,
Cause now I think I’ll lay here and feel all kinds of shaded blue

Inner voice, *****.
Loves the attention, within.
Crime and addiction, pleasant.
Negative emotions, keeps in.

Hearing voices, repeating.
Opposite opposes, threatens.
Quietly shouting, crying.
Is my inner voice, *****.

I hear her when I’m dreaming.
Nightmares clinging, sweating.
Dreaming heavy, breathing.
I can’t believing I’m falling,
Heavenly feeling attached to the ceiling,
Withering down and then into the ocean,
Drowning me down even more than I’m used to,
Exhilarating, composing this blessing I’m treading.
All because of my inner voice, *****.

I gave it a name, *****.
Cause she is but me, a demon.  
I can’t escape her cries,
So why not give me emotions.
Give me pain and sorrows.
Give me what your negative thoughts is saying deep inside.
Share with me your worries that you designed to keep and hide.
So I can understand better and to tame your fever.
That you’re not alone in this black and white world.
Cause I can see through, cause I am you.
Beautiful.

This key that’s wrapped around my neck,
Stays hidden beneath every memory,
Cause the one who has my heart shaped locket,
Has already thrown it away, right in front of me

Every passing day you fade,
With less memories to keep me at bay,
With the less stars that twinkle in your eyes,
Another piece breaks with each passing day,
And yet I keep smiling hoping one day,
That I’ll finally find it, my home, where I’ll stay,
And you’ll be there by my side,
Not leaving me out like a stray,
And to keep me close and warm inside,
That no matter what, I won’t fade away.

Hottie Tottie Maserati
Got the whole world feeling naughty,
Everybody’s true colors showing off of me like painted bodies.

What renders me is my soul,
That blows off hot and cold,
Keeps me crisp in the winter time and keeps away from feeling dull.

Smashing, I’m unfazed,
Dashing, I’m unclaimed,
Lonely sorrows that hunts this real world turns my dreams into castaways.

Now I’m all alone,
On this island I call home,
I’d rather stay here than lift my mask for others who really never ever plays fair.

As I wake with beaded eyes,
Slumbered in with my bedded head,
Like I’ve been asleep for 5 whole years and seem to have woken up until 10.

Surprised to see my own reflection,
Bathing in the sunlights perfection,
where half of the shade hits my face making my eyes glisten in the light that turns my eyes golden.

I’m off to explore more, dear heavens galore,
As I lock and shut this door that separates me from my comfort zone where I’m usually stored.

Since I’m free I’ll go out and take a look see,
Take a walk out and enjoy me,
As I eat alone seeing faces unknown I catch a cute face gander my way wondering if I should say hi and let him into my scenery.

Instead of letting him getting to know me I’d rather get to know a little about me,
Went to go see a movie and of course I was pleased,
In my own skin where everyone can barely see that I was clearly enjoying my time alone knowing I can be.

But know this,
I still hold a flame that everyone refuses to see underneath,
That I’d rather not let loose,
Now won’t that be a breathe.

As I call it a day waiting for tomorrow to come and bathe me away,
My eyes fall heavily wanting me to sleep,
As I do I recall upon my memories and entered into a really deep sleep knowing in the next couple of weeks it’ll feel like a brand new me but the same Maserati.

Hard to get, I don’t like to act it.
Put on a fake mask then hide my emotions.
I don’t like to play so I act accordingly.
Through this tough life that you put me through, I don’t want it.

Maybe I was actually wrong about you,
Watched you pull the sword right out infront of me,
Like I didn’t feel any pain but that’s cause it was already broken,
Shattered to pieces,
By the words that you’ve spoken,
Which ended up being a blank page filled with so much of your hatred,
That I could not yet understand it,
And yet you keep wondering why no one else can fill it,
No matter how much you lower your standards for the people that would soon deserve it

The love that I have still burns,
Your words that you’ve said still hurts,
The meeting that we never had still wavers,
Like the moon and the sun are both alone,
You made it clear that you didn’t want me,
Misunderstood me and I’m now lonely,
You misunderstand and now your regretting,
The lose of my heart has started closing,
Delusional is what you called me,
And that hurts and now what was the purpose,
You told me to leave you be,
So that’s exactly what I will do,
So stop sending my heart into shock,
And sending me waves of butterflies,
Cause even if we’ll never meet,
It still hurts,
I’m just happy I’m still alive.

I try to change but it's usually too late,
I try to change but I'm already awake,
I try to be me but turns to be fake,
Understand me but misunderstood,
I can see why now that I am damaged goods.

I wish I can change the life that I live
No more confusion left in the struggle,
I wish I can chase all of my dreams
And bring fear with me and call it a friend,
I wish I can have trust throughout all my falls
So that I can finally have some guy by my side,
I wish my wishes were real
But they are, I just haven't gave them a try.

Judge me here,
And judge me there,
Judge me anywhere,
I probably wouldn’t care,
You only know specs, and pieces of my own,
You don’t know all, so judge me as you go.

Judge me intellectually,
Judge me emotionally,
Judge me mentally,
Judge me spiritually,
Judge me anyway you want to judge me,
But make sure you do it confidently.

I’m judged a lot,
By people that gossip,
By people that barely knew me in private,
By people that pretends to think they know me,
By a text or some words said out in context,
I probably wouldn’t care cause y’all barely hit the surface.

Scaling, away,
Every harm that I’ve been praised,
Drowning the sorrows I’ve washed away,
Gone in an instant that won’t be claimed,
I have forgiven the love that I had,
I have controlled my fears into a lions den,
So one day if you try to reach you won’t be grabbing an inch

Let me in,
into your life,
let me fix this,
so we could fix us,
I am your light,
to your shining star,
so let me back in,
or let me go.

Let me in,
I miss you so much,
I know that I yelled,
I know I messed up,
you are my piece,
my missing heart,
so let me in,
or let me go.

Let you in?
nah uh I can not,
you hurt our bond,
more than a scratch,
more than a bled,
more than I can see,
that I was the third,
and she was the one.

Let you in?
why should I stay?
you pushed me away,
when I opened my soul,
you closed yours back up,
and just me out in the cold,
Ghosted me like I wasn't home,
so why should I stay,
when I would rather just let you go.

Light me up like silver and gold,
Light the core that burns in the cold,
Light the way where I meet and end,
Light the freaking cries that's keeping me hold,
Cause there's no way I'm getting stuck here alone,
Cause I got more things to fulfill until I fall and sin.