When I woke up today
It didn't feel like it was in my bedroom
I was doomed
In a cage
But the keys are in my hands
It's strange
Am I afraid?
No, but they keep judging me
And my pain

They smile like it's funny
Feeding off my pain
Like they love it
But I'm above it
Feelings sealed tight
But I still fight
I'm gonna touch it
The light
Cause I own mine
And you have no right to judge me
So go mind
Your own business and attack your own kind
That does the same as you do
Those who take their difference
And throws them in their face
To get those to taste your Idealistic waste
You're a disgrace

That doesn't work on me
I am me, nobody else
I'm just being myself
Guess I am an outcast
So I cast it over those
Who dislike it
They prepare their cannons to strike it
It's futile
I have a file
You can never rewrite
Cause It's my write
So good night and sleep tight
Yet I still feel it again and again
It gets under my skin
So I take my pen
Then I'll say to myself
I don't want to fit in


Still, I need to focus
Figuring out my motives
So now I'm a problem when it's locked
Then see it when it opens
I still hear voices
I understand it's complicated
The process of me
Now they are trying to pick apart my lines
Well here's what you can dissect from me
I've always been the reject
Who in the deep shed
The only sheep shaved red
Can you see that
I might fall into my thoughts
Yet your drive is nowhere like mine
So get out of my car
I'm a star
Falling hard leaving the space and time I tore
I'm at my core

I still remember writing "I'm here to stay"
It was therapy for me
"Your days are coming to an end now"
Shut up no one needs to hear your gory
Words, it's insignificant
You'll never win
So pack your bags and leave
To find another mind to settle in
I win

It's been a while since I put words on this page
Seems my life is like a perfect stage
Well that's what they say
Cause I haven't been writing in decades

But that doesn't mean I'm not real on what I say
It's not your job to watch every step I make
It's not your job to tell me when to leave and when to stay
I'm sure as hell gonna stay
Until my clay withers away
But I still have a long way
I'm only 19 but the thought of death still clogs my brains
Hard for me to write a single page
When you hear voices in your head saying "Your dying to day"
I can even hear it when writing this page

I know what some might say
That I need help and I need to get a professional way
No way
Why would spend money for personal strength
When I can do something that's free and easy
And self-sustains me
I know some might think I'm crazy
They might see me on the streets and move from me hastily
Even my sister moves from me greatly
Thinking I might snap on her and **** her
Everything is insanely
Going downhill

For those who think of me this way
I just want to say
That submission is not an option
I'm not gonna let these voices telling me that "killing is an option"
I'm not gonna let these voices say that "death is okay"
And get lost in it
cause self-control is something great
So great that no one can take
Cause I use it to break through these voices
That pushes me out of space
So all I can see is darkness
Never again

I will not fall for them
Some of you might think I'm exaggerating
Oh really?
If your hearing voices what path would take
What steps would you make
What weapon would you create
To take them and break them and bring them to places
Where they won't create
Blackholes
It's an art for them you see
Cause when they create it's hard to see

This is getting too long
But before I leave
I hope you understand that I never lost my place
I hope this message conveys this
That I'm here to stay
For all of you who read this
Thank you so much for your stay
Be Safe

What do you feel when you hit success
Can't trust these voices that come inside my head
Well I feel success deep in my chest
I'm glad that I passed the test

See I made it
I am Not like the rest
That rest after
Just because it's harder
Naw man to me it's better
You feel heavy
I feel a feather
You think it's deadly
I think it's a latter
So I climb the latter
It's way up
I still put my face up
Never give up
You wonder why I'm always up
Well guess what

There is no fear in me
The darkness is clear for me
My eyes see through it very clearly
It's literally
Nothing to me
Cause when I walk in it
Come from it like
"Yeah I did it"

You might be wondering
why do have no fear of the dark
I'll tell you
See I was born in it
Woke up in it
I was torn in it
It left scars on me
There were hordes within it

Then I made it
I found my light
You see it now
It's not a night light
It's the sun
That Shines over me
Liberates me
The darkness runs
When it does I laugh at it
You can do it to
Have a crack at it
You might like it

Then you strike it
with your light
break it
When you do
You embrace it
Can you feel it
Amazing isn't it
You're all in
Now you can look at the devil and say
"Not this time I win"

It's real

Let's do this
In the zone again
Coming home again
To visit my paradise
That I cope within
Sometimes I sleep with them
The dreams from them
It's beautiful
Lively
No what else is
Family

They love me
For every ounce
They hug me
Tells me
They see my pages
They feel me
It's a brilliant feeling
I hold them
Never let go of them
Couse, it's all I got
It's a once in a lifetime
So take it
Cherish it
Love it like you never did
Take it in, Cradle it
Want to know why
Listen in

They will always be there for you '
Take you, bandage you
Find you, feed you
The ones that see you
of who you are
They accept you
No matter what you are
Darkest of nights
Make the brightest of stars
We are the stars
light the night where ever you are
You're never lost
My family is a Northstar

Yet
We can't miss the thunderstorm
It's hard to hold on
And sometimes
The lights gone
But with family
A new light
A new dawn
Yet the storm will carry on
But we can mend it
bend it and push it to the side
And we say "Heaven where alive"

Well now
This is what I can say now
It's up to you
Take it as you will now
Because some they don't know how
Going around
Telling people "there not loved now go" now
It sickens me
takes me to places I don't want to be
Evolves me into something I don't wanna be
It Put's me in a place where nobody is
Then I remembered when no one cared
When no one was there
Hearing the voices in my head like
You ain't going nowhere

I almost lost it
Sorry
Just trying to get my point across
That when your life is very thin
Family is everything
I'm not saying this so you can feel me
It's something real to me
Listen I used to cry cause no one was there for me
Now I got my family every day saying "They'll always feel for me"
This write is healing me
Hope it heals you
Just never let people distract you
from doing you

Hope you see it

Why
Why do I do this
I new this
Would hurt
But the fact is I did this
What's my problem
I need a fix
Or else I won't solve em
I need to change this
Take this, break this and bring this
To places where it needs to be
Like in dark cages

I can make it
But the fact is it plays with
Me
My demons
Favors me
Telling me who I am
And what not to be
But wait
It's up to me
So get out of my face
Don't touch me
I am the one the runs me
So get out of here
You dummies

I will not rest
Until I break this cycle
Of my demons giving me the title
Of what they say
No, it's what I say
My life is my cave
It's my haze
So get out of my maze
Couse, it's what I create
Not Yours
Stick to it
But if I worry
I'll lose it

But I figured out why others follow me
Why they look up to me
My writes are a step above the sea
They see it
Now they're proud of me
See it or not
I'm just teaching a lesson
To those who live in the dark places
Of Condemsion

This was a session
to help me but
If this helped you
I gladly thank you
For you understanding this message
Couse this gave me redemption
I actually thank my demons
Without them
I couldn't write this message
But I am sure
They are out of my expansion
I correct the incorrection
They did
I am free
So I live
In Peace

I'm Home

What I write may sound deep
But it's real life
What I write may be critiqued
But it's real life
What pushes me to do this
What motivates me to do this
Pain did

Without pain, I wouldn't be here
Without pain, I wouldn't bother
Even writing this stanza
Yet writing this takes the pain away from me
Yet it comes back to haunt me
They ask me "how do you know what real life is?"
Pain is how I know what real life
Revealed the entirety to me
I didn't live a life of candy and cakes
I live a life of failure and mistakes

Yet I am still here
Telling you how I am able to do this
How I am able to write this
Pain gave me this
And don't say you never felt pain
Couse without pain there is no real life
Yet there is a road of joy and happiness
The most of us find
I am still searching for mine
Yet pain never dies


Still, carry on
Even if I have nothing holding on
Pain showed me
And it will show you
A taste of reality
Pain guided me
Will it guide you?

I Don't know the feeling being killed
But I know the feeling of being a suspect of thrills
I know the feeling of loneliness
Having no brothers how can I live with this
Wasn,t even alive back then
Brother, I heard the pain you felt back then
Can you hear me
Can you feel me
I know it's hard you were only three
Never even spoke your first word
Cause you being murdered was all I heard
I can barely hear you
You're gone but I can still feel you

Father found you on the floor bleeding
Must be devastating seeing
Making you wish you were blind
Wish I could see you for the first time
In the flesh
But you were taken by the flesh
I'm lost, lost you

That's why I live for you
Writing is the only way I can speak to you
So brother if you hear me out there
What was the reason
Why was the reason
You know you left me here
Just why