Forever torn, no real reason. Repeating, repeating, repeating, the fault of non.
Sunshine hidden behind, tears abundant. Numbness, can't breath, out of fear of seeing.
New day, unfamiliar, feels cold, unwanted. Take the unanswered questions, hide them, push those thoughts far away, never to be seen again.
Surroundings are not at all what they seem. Past was not the past.
What once was thought to be love, was hope, when hope thought , there was fear.
Seeing, knowing, have no beginning , no ending. The heart-wrenching sadness, is all around, air being taken away.
The path is opened, the shaky thoughts are now reality, and strong. Running, truly able to breath.

His hands are battered and torn, calloused and worn... For every day he makes sure he is worth his pay... his hands are battered and torn, calloused and worn,he has been like that since the day be was born.

Cry,scream, unending dream,Jump, fall, bang on the wall. Days into nights, nights into days, all in one big haze.fractured mind won't unwind. can't get out ! What's it all about? No words were spoken, all promises were broken.

I was told he has a locked box inside of his mind that holds his most inner turmoil, His anger, His untold secrets of his daunting past...He once Told me he can't open that box, he keeps it bolted shut !  It cracks every once in a while that horrid box...  I have  seen those times, I have been in the path of his internal earthquakes... His eyes are the first to show... A dark shadowy  cloud forms, letting me know, stand back... walk away... fear me... His hands pull inside themselves into tight fists at his unyielding sides... words can't be spoken  the silence is deafening...I sit and wait for him to seal those cracks and come back to me...

Seconds...            
   Of  peace, happy relaxed mind numbing peace
   Minutes...    
of relief, heart sting pulling relief  
        Days...       of  hope, real sunshine and rainbow making hope
      weeks...           
off fear, sad tear dropping fear          
years... Of trying to understand why the hope in our life won't give us relief from the fear that will over power the peace of our every day existence.

The pain I hide
It's real ...it's part of me as my finger to my hand
I can't see
I can't hear
I'm under construction unable to speak
The Pain...shhhh no one can know... shhhh it will bring down a avalanche of more devastation
Fear ... knowing I'm melting inside crashing waves of fear...  I need to conceal this pain shhhh...
Heart aches... mind hurts...  to breathe as if in deepest of the  oceans...The Pain... my own to keep... My own to feel ... mine alone for fear of sadness all abound ... Pushing ... Shaking...
screaming... crying... Not me ... Not me... The Pain

Please release me from this burden of loneliness... This albatross forever holds me down... saddened and trapped by my own hurtful thoughts ... They hold me back from being alive...  I need to escape from my own reality. Take a walk from my secret dungeon and
 breath the fresh air of happiness...  
The eyes and ears of
understanding are far too hard to catch. It's me and only me who can break though these steely walls.  I need to see there could be a day I will laugh and smile without cold miserable feelings still inside of me.

Familiar remembrance, justified growing sadness, fearing the inescapable future.
Unabridged love never known.
Forever in darkness you may stay, if you only look inside yourself , not seeing what is real, who is constant. Shielded eyes never see.forever blinded. Always waiting. Never truly free.
Bloodlines, forever near, can't escape the unbridled drumming of the heart that can't feel.

When you look into my eyes can see what is missing? Have you touched my heart to feel the burning heat of my sadness? Have you flown inside of  my lungs to see the quivering intake of air? Have you walked in my shoes knowing there is no one there to find me?

I believed in you, everything you said, everything you did, I believed it was true. WHY? ... you gave your heart to me, I thought ... You gave your mind to me, I thought ... I told you things you kept it to yourself, I thought... walking by your side I was fearless, sitting by your side I was proud... To see you smile at me I was happy... I believed in you...until the day you left us...my mind and heart couldn't take the pain couldn't trust it was real...ohhh but it was real my world that I once knew was gone,what I believed in was lost. In its place was fear and sadness at what cost ?... Deceit and lies... who were you?who did I see walking with me? who did I feel sitting with me? I have to trust that you loved me as I loved you... My trust is gone forever dug deep in the muddied ground trampled on many times over... A black bird told me that morning, told me of the devastation to come, it took no flight stayed in my sight... I knew there was something wrong, knew I should close my mind and protect my heart I did nothing, made no escape . The drive was horrible the rain told me it was meant to be, but I closed my eyes not to see...I walked through the door on Shakey legs... there you were like never before, forever gone for me to adore... The rain poured and poured mixing with the tears of sadness and pain... they took you away, put you to rest, I believed in you I believed you were who you said you were, now I know that everything was untrue... You kept me in the dark kept me hidden from the reality. WHY? I will forever love the person I thought you were... I forever will cry for the person you were. Endless tears of fighting for the truth will always haunt me...