Out of my league, I thought,
so desperately I would seek one's eye.
The steps I took to better myself and find myself "worthy" of the attention those like you posses
were immeasurable.
I've come a long way, seeing now that those steps taken were truly for myself.
Seems almost selfish.
Getting to know those around me who seemed
out of my league,
was humbling and uplifting.
I am beginning to see that the entire concept of being
out of someone's league
is utter *******.
We're all just people, seeking the approval of others.
Connecting with somebody isn't about rank, it is about mindset,
sympathy,
empathy,
and open minds.
Upon learning these things, the loneliness I once new was obliterated.
Yet,
an entirely new loneliness began to form.
A loneliness that seems
more
distant,
unsolvable,
and perpetual.
A monotonous loneliness, that everyone seems to carry a piece of.

You hit me hard, in the gentlest of ways.
Your vibe was warm, and begged me to stay.
I don't know how I drifted so far away,
Your embrace kept calling, still my mind lead me astray.

Infatuation had become the only type of love I knew.
I never thought I could leave such an impact on someone like you.

Wrapped up in my own emotions, I never even thought to ask you how you felt.
...And when I finally did, your response took me aback.
I was shocked, to say the least, to find out the extent to which you were changed by my presence in your life.
I am honored,
and humbled,
and realizing now my ability to impact those around me, the same way they've so effortlessly impacted me.

"I am really glad I met you" he said to me, completely unaware of how lost I might have been if I had never met him.

I want my chance.
I wanted to bask in the sunlight with nothing but your company; I do not seek any more than your being.
I want you to see me shine, to thrive in my comfort zone, and soar outside of it; I want to quit the chit chat, I despise small talk.
I love long walks, and you would have never even known.
I don’t want to be looked right through, like my glasses reflect you and your choices and our voices fade into our own minds and neither one of us can conjure up a way to unwind and speak of our passions, our inspirations, our fears, and not just simple the weather.
Could it really hurt to test the waters? I am sick of questioning myself; am I trying to hard? Just give me a way to measure the depth of your interest, have we sparked a match, or do see me as this cesspool of unwarranted emotions and insecurities? Because I look at you and see so many purities, but I see the uncertainty as well. Yet, I still can’t get a read on what it is behind your shell.
Show me bits and pieces of yourself, and I swear I am willing to try and piece it together, but you’re giving me nothing but pieces of alternating puzzles - yeah, I have put together an entire cloud, but this, over here, looks like the ocean and this, this is definitely part of Mount Rushmore, and I’ve no ******* clue as to where any of those pieces connect.
I don’t know why I set myself up for such failure. I want to know you, but the mystery is your primary allure. I want to know what is beneath your trademarks, the dark parts of your eyes, your evident demise, but at the same time, I am terrified. I don’t think it could shock me, I can work with outrageous. But, I don’t think I could handle finding out you were mundane; a bourgeois creature.
Alas, I am stuck in this loop, of wanting all of you, but at the same time, none of you. Tell me, how does one keep a mysterious persona?

I'm slipping,
gripping for dear life,
what it is I hold so close.
I am almost
almost nothing,
almost something,
someone
somewhat stuck in your back molars.
I beg to be swallowed,
I've been chewed up enough.
It has come time to release this grip,
this grip that's been all I've known for seemingly millenniums.

To anyone who has ever been lonely:
We are all the same.
Tell me,
Why are we unable to manipulate this to our advantage?

Whiskey to warm,
Menthol cigarettes to cool.
I don't ever want to leave my bed.
We are killing ourselves slowly.
We are already broken.