Sometimes late at night
When the birds have ceased their chirping
and the summer air has cooled
When I lay very still  
I can feel your touch
Calloused hands sliding over my body
If I breath deeply enough
I can smell your skin
Earth and Whiskey and Smoke
I wish I could bottle that scent
Keep it under lock and key
But just as quickly as it all comes rushing back, It's gone
I'm left with my cat purring at my feet
The pillow beside me untouched

She was the kind of girl
To walk down escalators
Instead of waiting for them
To bring her to the end

"Don't settle for being halfway loved" Momma slurred at 2 in the morning
While I held her golden blonde hair back from the porcelain bowl
"There's no curse in the world worse than that"

I wished for him often
On cars that passed by my bedroom window
Four leaf clovers picked from the earth
Unwanted pennies tossed aside
Even on eyelashes plucked straight from my lids
Tearing myself apart
Just for one last taste of forever

I took showers more often than not
Thinking
If only the water circling the drain would carry my memories of him away with it
If I got the water just hot enough
It would scald him away from my soul
If I scrubbed my body just hard enough
It would wipe away the places he had touched my skin
It worked for a time
my mind clearing as steam clung to the bathroom mirror
But as soon as I stepped out
Dried my skin and let down my hair
It all came back
A mocking flood devouring ever inch of me