There were times when it was all too much
the smell of fresh linen, whiskey and smoke
I wanted to bury my face in it
and run from it
all at the same time

He pushed my hair back behind my ear
Whispering all the things I needed to hear
Though his words slurred
The clock on the dash flashing 3 in the morning blur
I could’ve sworn there was truth in his glassy eyes

I heard you were back in town
& my heart skipped a beat
I waited
I waited for the drunken call
In the middle of the night
Surly, it would come
Surly, you had not yet forgotten about me

For reasons unknown to me
I willed my fantasies into reality
Knowing all the while
The only reality I would get
was disappointment

I never understood the phrase
“He made my knees go weak”
Until I saw you across the room of that crowded bar
My knees went weak
My hands began to shake
***** spilling over the edge of the glass
The power that you had over me
Left me breathless

Ask me what I remember and I'll tell you
everything
I remember the way you tilted my chin up towards you to kiss me
I remember the sound of you opening the front door
your heavy footsteps creaking on the wooden floors
I remember that your favorite movie is About Time and you laughed the hardest
when I ate pizza dipped in garlic butter
I remember the first night we slept together
How I drifted off for maybe 5 minutes only to be awoken by the sheer thought that the boy I had been in love with for years was sleeping by my side
I remember holidays and beach trips and dinners in the forest
I remember wearing your t-shirts to bed
clinging to your scent the first month you moved.
I remember falling in love with you
All at once
I wrap myself in these memories at night
clinging to the hope
That you'll be back by my side
before the clock strikes midnight

I thought you were my salvation in the bleakness of the world
Telling me I am enough when it was convenient for you
That I wasn’t worth it when it was not
I thought the tide rose and fell with your breath
That the sun came up with you
Little did I know  
I was always my own salvation