"do you hate anyone"
Yes, myself.
And I'm sorry, I know you want me to be happy with who I am.
Because I do no good,
And I'm sorry, I know you deserve better.
No matter how hard I try,
I'm sorry, maybe I'm not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be bad
I'm sorry I lied and said I was good
But I always **** up.
I'm sorry, I'm always sorry
So almost every sentence is followed with "I'm sorry"
Just know, I'm sorry, for everything

Change me,
Change me, to be a lad worth wanting,
Change me so I can be good enough,
I just want to be worthy.
Use me,
Use me make me yours,
Use me even if for one night,
I just want you close.
Love me, oh please.
Love me how I love you,
I just want you to show it briefly.
Make me, oh make me,
Make me into a man you can love,
Make me into a prince,
I just don't want to be a beast.
Keep me,
Keep me sane,
Keep me calm,
Keep me pure, im tired of living tainted.
I just want to be in possession of a good soul.

Oh, I crave to be loved by you.
I crave to be in your head,
And I wouldn't mind if you didn't even think about kissing me often.
Just once in awhile.

I crave to look into your eyes,
To see a flame,
For you to realize,
How much I truly care..

I crave to hold you close,
Not even intimately of you don't wish,
Just close,
I want you in my arms.

I want you, I really do, baby.

Everyone has different defitions for each word.
And for mine...
It's you

I don't care who the **** is out there!
No one else is like her..
Her smile is brighter than the Galaxy,
And a fire inside rages when she looks at me,
And I've tried to get over her,
But no lass has come to close the getting the emptions that brew,
But maybe that's why the say she's blue...
Because blue means sadness, and a sadness drowns me,
when I realize she doesn't want me.
What's a lad to do...

I will love every detail of you,
Ranging from scars, your best features,
I will love you on days you talk to me, and days you don't.
I will love you during the times yore weak or strong.
During the times you confide in me or shut me out.
I will love you whether we were hiding a relationship, or open.
I will love you no matter your choices.

"What was so different about her than everyone else?"
We clicked, I didn't have to try hard,
Everything was so natural,
We had our differences, yeah.
Though they didn't define us.
We were happy together.
I'm not saying there weren't problems,
But we faced them, and they usually never bested us,
But,
She was home.

You can't even say you love me,
Why is it I keep wishing you'd show me

I lie to myself often,
Like saying you'll come visit me,
Or that you'll want me back...
It makes it easier to get through the day.

You told me once that you shouldn't have fallen in love with me, now that you see who I am...
I wonder if thats that's how you really feel

A part of me wants you to say my name,
Just as innocent as can be,
As in the way to grab my attention.
Just to start a conversation with me.

But a hungry part of me wants to hear you moan my name.
As you did im the past,
Just as it was back during summer,
God those days went by too fast.

Often people say luck is passing a test you never studied for, luck is losing something and finding it right before you need it, luck is finding a penny head up, or luck is getting something you never thought you would.

But the biggest stroke of luck a person can ever have, is to love and individual, and that have that love returned.

I wish for your happiness,
For a smile each day,
For you to find who you are,
And who you want,
For that they won't place limits,
They they treat you like the princess you truly are.
And for you don't live in fear.

I'm a messy eater,
I mix up my words,
I never quite make sense,
I'm loud,
And I often frustrate you..
But just know that I adore you.

I love who I am, I swear I do,
But on nights like these,
it's hard to believe
That anyone else could love me too.

"What color makes you feel the safest?"
"Green?"
"Why?"
"Because that's the color I see when I look in her eyes."

"Isn't hiding your relationship a huge *** burden?"
No, it's not the best circumstance.. But it's worth it.
"How?"
When I can say something sweet, and see that smile.
Hear a sweet name,
Or go hold her,
Or see her for a few minutes after a long time,
Or hear her voice...
It's all worth it

Your mind intrigues me.  
Every little thought,
No matter if they're silly or petty.
I could listen to them for hours.
Thinfs you discovered about yourself,
What your dreams are,
What happened during your childhood,
Why a color is your favorite,
Or what made you get into this hobby.
I want to know you, like An actor knows the lines from their favorite play.

Everything.
No matter what "flaws" she can pick out.
It won't change how I feel.
Those details make her who she is.
Into the lass that I have the joy of having in my life.

I remember when Id kiss you suddenly and you'd inhale air,
I remember holding you some nights you'd fight to stay away but lull asleep in my arms,
I remember our first kiss and the spark ignited with it,
I remember every song you've sung to me, and your lovely voice.
I remember you holding me after a seizure,
I remember everything..
And lately you're in every corner of my mind

I told you every body left,
I told you every body gave up.
You assured me you wouldn't,
I believed you...
But It turns out I was right.

"I won't break up with him, if we're were i break up, it would because he broke up with me"
Every since that was said... I've had a lump in my throat... Because you said such a similar thing to me...

Maybe later  we will meet again under differerent circumstance,
And maybe then I'll have a chance

Put me on display,
Like I'm a work of Art in a museum.
I want criticism,
I want to know what to be,
so I can be good enough.

"Trans kids don't have it any worse, it's no harder than what normal people through."

You're right, we have it just like you... Though let me give you and insight of my week

It's not any harder but, when I go to give a compliment to a lass, 9 times out of 10 she will turn to my friend and say, "what's their gender?"

It's not hard  but, when I'm in public, I can't go to the bathroom unless there is a unisex bathroom. Because my family is scared I will get beaten no matter which restroom I chose.

It's not hard but, I am required in certain school functions to have the school force me in a dress, because that's what society believes is correct.

Is not hard but, when my girlfriend takes me home to her parents... I have to pray that they don't take one look at me, and disapprove of our relationship, because I'm a "real guy".

It's not hard but, after mix up with pronouns people will call me an it. Just the desk that I'm using to bear down to write this poem on. It's inanimate, it has no feelings, right?

It's not any harder but, I keep the question "are you sure you're not jus gay?" From random people I don't even know

It's not hard but I, have to hope that class peer I'm paired up with doesn't look down upon people of my community so I don't get death threats.

It's not hard but, I cannot go a day without the coach of my team preaching to my teammates to stop encouraging my immature behavior, that I'm just a female and that's all I'll ever be. To stop using my pronouns.  

It's not hard but, my foster family tried to convert me to the "correct way of life"

It's not hard but, my father abused me for coming out to him.

Whichever parent told me "sticks and stones will break my bones and words will never hurt me" is ******* misguided.
Because words are one of the most destructive weapons that I've ever faced.
Though do you know why words can be the most painful weapon?
Because words can ease the curiosity that the human mind loves to conjure up.
Words can lift a person up, make them feel ecstatic.
Though on the polar end.
The words a person has one said
Can be the reason an individual wants whiskey in their veins instead of blood cell,
Every **** word,
Can echo in a person head.
Haunting them.
Causing the individual to tear themself apart

I began my year with wanting to be your New Years kiss,  funny how that's how it's ending too.

My fingers are raw.
I spend hours with my guitar playing in attempt to clear my mind...
But oh god, she was in every ******* song lyric.
In every song I've learned how to play

I remember the butterflies in my stomach,
I spend my nights trying to drown them with nicotine..
And trying to rid myself of me.
I never deserved them anyway,
I just didn't see that until today.

My grandmother always told me to protect love, to chase it.

My grandfather told me to stay away from love, that it never ends well.

As I lay up at 4:44 a.m I don't know who was right.
I cherish the past.
But the present stings.

I know it's over,
It's nearly been sixth months.
I know you won't listen to the mixed CD I made you because you miss me dearly.
Or for you to fall asleep on the side of the bed the you used to sleep on when I was there and look at the sheets besides you and wish I was there.
But, I do need you to remember the passion that ran through our veins, the electric spark that filled the room that first night I finally got the courage to kiss you.

You tell me to chase my dreams. Though you're in them.
You say Don't allow anyone to alter my  dreams.
You don't want me.
You've made up my mind for me.

I went through the entire day,
I was fine, until I saw the date.
The 28th...
*******, why did you walk away?

He's a ghost and she looks right through him,
Somedays he wonders if she sees him at all.

He is the sun, and she is the moon.
Somedays he ponders if she ever wishes to meet up with him too.

though is it said,
A human and ghost cannot be together
Nor can the sun and moon meet.

"What do you want"
I..-
"Anything at all, whatever you wish"
Her happiness.
"What are you willing to sacrifice."
Everything..

A persistent feeling eats at my insides,
It is one that has overgrown,
It makes my stomach churn,
My thoughts burn..
Thought that doesn't even begin to describe,
How loneliness can begin it eat a person alive.

I promised my grandmother, Id never be in a jail.
Along with another promise, that I would I always be true to myself.
But today I broke her promise.
I stood under the light, trying to gasp for air,
A jail is so uncomfortable, so unfair.
Sitting there, having society make you "correct",
Having society reform you to be who you "should" be,
Telling you how you "should" do.
I sat in misery,
In agony.
I wasn't true to myself tonight,
I'm sorry Mimi
Though I hadnt choice,
I had no voice.
I stood there holding back tears,
Holding back the person I had worked to be all the years
Standing, engulfed by the walls of my cell,
But, the cell was not a room,
I was not enclosed by brick walls,
Or metal bars.
Yet, black fabric, and careful stitches which made up the dress.

This world's crazy,
And my thoughts are growing hazy,
Of how your lips felt against mine,
And how our bodies would intertwine.

Reserved
/rəˈzərvd/
Adjective.
Definition: Kept for a certain purpose or person.
I have a spot for you, it's reserved.
It's vacant, and it has been since you left..
I wish it otherwise, I wish someone was there, filling that gap
but I want you..
And the matter of current events says it will be left as is.
Empty.

I remember looking Into your jade eyes,
Falling asleep to your heartbeat,
It grew to be my favorite lullaby.

I'm not on drugs,
I'm in love,
But maybe love is just as strong.

I just want more more night,
One more night before you rule me out.
One more before you say it isn't right

Oh the blazing sun,
Burning throughout the hot summer day,
Surrounded by clouds, which shade him,
Though as the sunset approaches, he leaves, and while doing so he catches a glance of the moon.

On the cool moon,
Radiating throughout the warm summer night,
Surrounded by stars, yet out shining them all.
As dawn appears and the sun rises, the moon quickly fades out of the sky.

Oh, I never know how the sun and the moon, could compare so well to you and I.

A lad sits on top of his bed,
Looking at the empty picture frame.
There once of a photo of the lass he loves, but when they parted, so did the photo from the frame.
Just as the photo is vacant. So is the place in her heart, vacant...
Yet ready to be filled by the place of a lucky lad.
Though the same photo will probably be placed back into the frame,
Chances are, the vacancy in her heart, will be filled by the luckiest lad in the world.

Each individual's eyes have a vocabulary and language unique to its own.
But days passed, weeks, and these weeks grew to months.
Your language was one I spoke fluently, and I mine was the same.
Though as I look in your eyes tonight.
I wonder if you can remember again.

Send me a text like lovers do,
I just want to feel like I mean something to you.

I remember viewing the sunrise after a late night with you, smiling as I wrapped my arms around you.

I now view the sunrise, with heavy eyes from a sleepless night. I claw at my temples, and hold back a scream, I know if I go to sleep, I'll only have another haunting dream.

Your name is hot when I scribble it amongst the paper, like my passion burning for you.

Your name is heavy when I speak it, like how heavy my eyelids get after I stayed at your house, and left that next morning with a lack of sleep... So I could be with you.

Your name is one of many, but I can easily pick it out.
But unlike how I can pick you out from a crowd, Or how I could once decifer your feelings for me, I can't anymore.

I have only memories to remember,
Things have really changed since last December.

"Happy annive..."

I cut off the text, it's been months since we've parted... Why do I still text that?

I want to know what your dreams our. What goes through your mind at 4 a.m on the nights you cannot sleep. I want to know what makes you laugh when your sad. I want to know your favorite song and why. I want to know your ticks, your turn ons, your habits. I want to know every guilty pleasure of yours. I want to know your past. I want to know every way to touch you so that you shiver, I want to know how to make you smile. I want to know how to make you laugh.
Overall, I crave you.

But why don't you want me?