I bend over
drag your fingers on my spiral spinal protrusion.

I want you inside of me,
fist in a mother cattle's birth canal.

I'm elated at this.
I wonder why it feels so cold, when I'm so hot and wet.

Take it,
a focused heresy.

Say my name
if you can guess it.

I know yours:
Chastity and Life.

Skin the color of fleshy burnt sienna
as if someone took the areola's border,
sewed it on the armpits

can't close eyes tight enough to cleanse the memory of
your face from my thoughts
regurgitating in endless loops of hula hoop champions.

I can't stop the dream –
(woman who looks eighteen, lips colored same as the pastel cheeks)
watching hot pink
bob bobbing.

Stupid ****:
if I'm raising armies to invade you with,
I clearly want you still.

Coming down the carpet
between Iowa, drawing toes.
You still feel it...
the taste of chlorine (I think so)
5 AM,
              6 AM,
                          Midnight.

She's
up
on
me.

She has descended
her wings bursting forth
like molten metal.

I can't.

I tell her,
"This is the end
of everything,
and if I enter,
I will not survive."

She lay in her victorious gesture,
a breath of longing,
stutters dislocating his jaw.
Her illumination, a scent memory,
she was the most acute,
vigorous testimony
of truth,
of history,
his feeble heart
could dream.

Spun out of control,
consummated consumption wrought us together,
but now you need space

but there's no air for me to
breathe in space, where I am
left.
The well of your gravity keeps me close,
insides vacuuming out as I stare
helpless
at your blue white corona holding the one thing that would save me,

(drowning in an inch of water,
oxygen so near but impossibly far...)

if only it would pull me
back in again.

The stars comfort you,
but there are none here visible,
as my eyes shed their blood vessels
to the nothing that coldly cradles me.

I'm dying out here,
baby,
and I don't want to get
lost
in
this
space.

He fled, his shelter broken.
A carnie, free in molestation.

Though drunk in stability
she saw the bank account
and drooled.

He always just assumed she was joking,
when he'd say he loved her more,
and she agreed.

The sting was in realizing that he could hardly love her at all,
and it would still be true.

Show me submission
I will show you something
to gag on,
*****.

Show me submission
I will show you something
to swallow,
*****.

Show me submission
I will show you something
to *** on,
****.

Give me submission.
Give me submission.
Give me submission.

I will give you a place
where bruises feel like caresses
where danger feels like safety
where fear feels like release
where lust feels like love
where disgrace feels like an embrace
where every name and threat of
******
is stretched out
the same as your
long legs
*** cheeks
open mouth
dripping hive
aching heart.

Like a stranger you appear
the places you left in
my construction paper-heart
now finding ways to divide schismically.

There are parts,
some better,
filling in your
silhouette.

Could you find me
if I were hidden in plain sight
unscented and delivered
on a platter you guilded in silver
that my hands went numb
polishing for you?

How quickly
"I don't know if I can do this anymore..."
became
"I ****** a strange man
just to feel desire."

Well **** your desire.

You made a vow,
and we should work
on our issues
before you go
and take a trip
six inches at a time
into our destruction.

Purple feathers guard
the weeping willow'd face.
When time cannot near to touch,
Love somehow always finds a place.

Warmth rises
so smoothly my fingertips
trace geoglyphs,
markings for the gods to see,
from whence you descend upon
mi vida y yo estoy Feliz,
permanence permeates
as our droplets of sweat glide
from my white flesh
onto your coffee-with-creamer
skin of mocha.

It's so much easier
letting go,

Tossing away the life we both wore
like a sleeping bad for two,
and finding your own,
made for one.

It's so much easier
than laying alone
with too much room left over,
your only new companion
the anxious embrace
of insomnia.

Am I awake?
Alive, but unsung
Ego under
Self-fandom dead
No one in worship
Alone in the bed
Cold as a single in
the bed that we've made.

This wasn't supposed to be
about you,
but you have completely
overrun me defenses,
invaded every peaceful
part of my being.

And I've been sleep walking
through our love
only to find
I was never restrained.

Suffocate the children
leave all outs behind.
Run your fingers through
my ****** hair
lips to lips
to who knows where?

Children outgrow you,
it's inevitable.
But isn't all you ever wanted,
was for them to be better than you?

Now they are.
Now they've flown.
Out living in their
own new homes.

Follow instructions,
you know then well...

...obsolete
   ...outdated,
...erase
   ...destroy.

Silk
wrists-ties
still cut when
pulled tight enough.

Chest heaving
into your arched back
cheeks pulled wide
your *** shines red.

Milk white,
pure as unbroken *****,
innocence lain bare.

My touch,
aches, despoils. Alarms,
so soft; a feather’s caress.

Creamy smooth,
lotion filled *****, disarming
with a frown, down-turned; tears.

Teases me, terrifies me in its shroud. Free me, set me loose
from this cage, this frigid incarceration, lay me bare. My *****,
split and opened; exposed. Soft, pink tongue, coated crimson,
makes love to my wounds. My kitten, sweet, laps the saucer.

Abstracted from the fragments, broken in the wind of
your Madonna, holy, sincere. Shadow creases the
wrinkled skin, veins; varicose. Age comes ungracefully,
my beauty, wrapped in plastic.

How can I be loved
When it pushed all love away
How can I be good
When it pushed all goodness away
How can I be alive
When it pushed my life away?

Veins in leaves
Air on my face
My love for you

Pull your teeth out,
threading your lips together with twine.

Reach into your bellybutton with a finger,
hook-shaped,
and remove your intestines,
like a serpent.

Run a hook into your nose,
removing your brain
as if mummifying you.

Carve a smile with a razor,
under each breast,
******* out the fat
and replacing it with silicone.

Pull your nails off,
leaving ****** beds,
krazy-gluing plastic
over the tips of the fingers.

Fingers into ****,
pulling out the ******.

Spoon the eyeballs out,
sew the sockets shut.

My doll, broken and battered,
now fixed in perfection.
A soft suicide relapse into plasticine porcelain -
you tremble when we ****.

I have never meant a thing
(laying in my blood...seeping)
like the title I've given you.

... save me.

Sometimes I want to die
and life can't change my mind.

So much flesh,
crushed beneath
a metal press

and like my mercurial mind,
it flows from solid wax
to running oil

The smell of
the tropics,
and ***.

If I poured myself out onto you
like milk from a glass jug
would the little droplets
sour and stain your love?

Squeeze the bone until the chalk runs dry
escaping into your body
unwound like chalk
on a whiteboard.

Lust should only allow so much;
but you find places, cracks in this
brittle sidewalk, where
you grow through
green,
like grass.

They slow down the journey,
rattle your bones,
and so I will always put the passenger-side tire
through the middle dip in the yellow concrete bar
when I drive.

He was a spider
perched on the ceiling
watching her where
she lay, crying
in the dark,
her drool slithering a murmur.

The sap dries not so hard,  
sticky to the sweetness
of your maidenhead.

Stroked away like
paint peeling, yellow in its curls.

Your face never wanted
what it said to give.

And I was left
spinning spinning spinning
into what could have been,
but luckily,
is not.

A basic formulation,
stereotype breaking sunshine
beams into our closed blinds,
early sun rise moments,
hidden from the world,
connected by
flesh, sweat, murmuring words
in the security of this moment,

I've driven away from it all,
look into my eyes,
we both can go blind.

I can't see anything else, I've become blind
from staring into your eyes, like stars.

I'm only here,
waiting for you,
never coming through
my door again,
never looking in,
my eyes again,
never breathing near
my ear again,
never lips on
my flesh.

I'm only here,
waiting for you,
still.

Inside my chest.
Inside my mind.
From all the dreams I've left behind.

I've got a gun in my mouth
no matter what I'm tired out
and this jar went empty
as quick as your love for me.

Your body will never speak
the same language.

No one will ever be the tongue
of you at my root
drenching up
to the tip.

An act of supplication
and worship
that has left me
an atheist.

I dreamt us.
I am a lonely man
that thought he had eternity,
and woke,
to find an empty bed.

Picked away, again it bleeds.

How much until you are satisfied?

Will I be left alive,  
afterwards?

Will I survive this
calling rope and loaded chamber?

1 Tbsp. disbelief
1 cup shredded heart
2 Tbsp. self hate
1 whole core life memory, shredded
2 minced cloves, bitter
2 teaspoons of copy-cat extract

Mix into a leather loop.

Put your neck in,
pantomime.
Almost wish
that clip
stuck.

I purge sans binge
I ***** scars onto everyone around me.
My guilt: a summation.
Now, if I could only figure out why
I keep sticking fingers down my throat.

Lay in the trash,
broken at the stem
so for better.

But they are dead now,
just another roadblock
along the way
keeping you from me.

To think,
I only thought we weren't
spending enough time together.

It would never be enough,
"I never thought I could do this",
she thought,
as she slid her moist ****
down onto his dripping ****.

There were always words I could have said.
I could've danced right off your edge, World.
Instead,
I stared into the Star's direction (hypnotized) for nearly a decade,
and stumbled, blind, off your edge, World.

This aircraft is in flames.
The fuselage, broken.
My fingernails, bent.
My knuckles, white.
My parachute, missing.
My life,
flashing before my blind eyes.

My star went supernova
and burned away all the love from the face of the Earth.

You're bubbling up, aren't you?
Like the flesh,
I am scattering you to the wind.

Let the darkness,
like oil, seep
from the soft fallow soil
of your past
and into
my open mouth
and past
my pearl-white teeth,  
and into
my stomach.

Let the darkness,
like never seen secrets,
flow up
and through
my weeping heart,
and into
my filter brain,
and out of
my eyes as brilliant light
dispelling your shadows.

I want to unhinge My lower jaw
like a snake, and swallow you
whole.

Not simply to posses you,
but to hold you inside,
where My heart and stomach and lungs could keep you warm;
where anything trying to hurt you
would first have to **** Me
and cut Me open to get to you.

Let me wreck you,
bind you across the world
in hunger wrest
control away for you.

Scalpel through
the ample blue
ravages a belly
never true.

When right is lost
a cashmere sentence
is **** in mouth
all that's left to us?

You are the ocean
that fills me
sustains me.

I cannot live on
foreign waters.

My dying tongue
Parched mouth
Would ne'er sustain me
As I crawled
Hands cracked
Knees ground to the bone
To a drop
If a drop is
all you give me.

I would reject all other
rivers
lakes
seas
rains
for the one drop from you and
the sweet taste of your waters.

These cells are full
bloated
swollen
the point of splitting,
the membranes taut
rigid with
tension.

Touch me,
ever so gently.

I'll come apart,
a fine mist.

It's funny how you notice things
at times
that didn't take a space in your
consciousness
until events
dry brown and husk-yellow leaves
float into your life,
and suddenly,
everything is painted in
their colours:
every song on the radio
every empty place you see around town
every good time you try to have
all the little words...

They all fall into place,
and leak their brittle discord into
the cracks of your life.

I've been drowning under your weight
too long
in stances of submission
weakened by your laugh,
ceaseless.

Watch my lightning bugs sink
into death, let them burn
out and collapse these lungs
into delicate origami butterflies
like the fragile hatred
I feel for you.