We've had so much
loved so much
lived so much
cried and sighed and
gave so much.

We have so much
love so much
live so much
cry and sigh and
give so much.

Of all the stars
you glimmer, intense.

And most important to me,
is all your future tense.

Don't think I dont know.

The music isn't a magnet,
it's an escape.

If I cry enough tears
would they please,
kindly drown me
in my sleep?

I'm sorry
I didn't show up
knowing all you'd been through
before.

I'm sorry
You counted on me
and were only let down
again.

I'm sorry
That I got comfortable
and took your love for
granted.

I'm sorry
That I gave you safe spaces
then slowly pulled them
away.

I'm sorry
I let my illness get the better of me
breaking your
trust.

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Mija,
I'm sorry.

I had no idea
you were tunneling
under the life we had made
churning up ground
and defecating it out
until it all collapsed
in a pile of ****.

Your hips rotate, counter-clockwise
and I breathe deeply into your
honey ***,
my wet tongue coaxing you out
your button shows.

I press it
tongue it
gently
then not so
gently.

Worship at the temple I present
Hard stone, broad
supplicate yourself
in prayer before it.

Face down now
spread
open
invaded
consumed
release
***

Just words
a never-ending tirade
harangue me from the tree
of my
mind.
But sometimes I wonder...
stingy with my attention
sterile in my affection
broken and treading and
sparing my dissension.
And I think suicide is a way out
And I hate this ******* life
And love is a black hole
But none of this means anything
After all, it's
just words.

When life turns against us,
I choose you.
When scars are all it seems we have,
I choose you.
When the easiest way is out,
I choose you.
When the easiest way out is not easy at all,
I choose you.
When the end seems like the only way,
I choose you.
And if you walk away,
I choose you.
Until my end and beyond,
I choose you.

I watched as your makeup fell
from the bathroom sink
we'd shared all this time.

As it struck, like us,
it played out like a universe birth,
reds, browns, purples...
spraying out in a cone before me.

I've been dead,
cold,
heat-death.

And when I woke
I watched as
your makeup
hit the floor.

And suddenly
I'm looking forward
again.

Am I awake?
Alive, but unsung
Ego under
Self-fandom dead
No one in worship
Alone in the bed
Cold as a single in
the bed that we've made.

This wasn't supposed to be
about you,
but you have completely
overrun me defenses,
invaded every peaceful
part of my being.

And I've been sleep walking
through our love
only to find
I was never restrained.

A skin of ice
so fragile still
lit by the sky
and beautiful.

The warming sun,
is higher now
frozen wings
and solid vows.

"Shake me loose,"
she said to me,
"help to repair
my galaxy."

And Winter's not quite here it seems
Despite the white and hopeful dreams
And every moment left with her
I keep and hold intact forever.

"So when you're lost,"
to her I spoke,
"I will make sure
your stars aren't broke."

Come with me to the trees,
unjudged,
moon white as your skin,
like Lucifer,
and just as beautiful.

The heat from the furnace
cannot replace
the warmth
of you

and I'm freezing
in your absence.

When you took me down
we spin through memories
of brilliant star skies
when you were so happy
and nothing mattered
and you had your innocence
and I had you.

I'm so tired
of laughing without the eyes
of crying without the tears
of wearing this mask
on top of a mask
just to keep
people
satisfied.

It's funny how
things like
opening and closing
the windows
with the daybreak
stick in your mind.

He looks at her (his eyes dilate)
and says, "I'd
die
for you."

She frowns into a smile (she wears a mask)
and said, "No, please
live
for me."

And so,
he lived
for her.

And...
    then...
        she...
            left...

And with her
    went his
   reason to
       live.

The sky is greying
like an old man
and the clouds are so close
to crying your name.

The Pull of Death
has many names:

Jim
Dad
Woody
Papa
Randy
Arkeem
Noni
Lexi
Tim

I'll burn this belly out
churning up coffee grounds
whiskey builds the fire
loss, the kindling
dreams, the fuel
and then you wake
and realize it's
done...

There was no fire left.
There was no good use for the loss.
The dreams...empty
and you realize you're
done...

Open my mouth
cornocopia of
rainbowed feathers
pour out.

She sings but
the song
isn't the same
without you
here.

And I can taste
the tears
you do not shed
as your pretty head
rests elsewhere.

The green hill's mist
is weeping through
the blades
of grass.

Delicate thing
the bones exposed
through translucent skin
under which flows
the vivid red lines,
highways that lead
to and from
her heart.

And I'm dreaming of a dream
and we are lost,
white makeup,
trees, everywhere.

Could you find me
if I were hidden in plain sight
unscented and delivered
on a platter you guilded in silver
that my hands went numb
polishing for you?

I ease up cautiously to the door
gently place my eye to the keyhole
see her wide-eyed innocence
looking back,  afraid.

"It's gonna be allright,"
I sing gently
her favorite lullaby.

Slide a poem
on a piece of paper
under the door.

Show her the treasures
our life together holds...
held...
will hold.

Meet her eye in peace
a gentle coaxing
at her pace.

Once a window came down over me
and I saw through it, there
in the distorted time signatures
changing to odd-numbers on even
seconds pass since
I watched you
walk out of the frame
and you never noticed
a bed of broken wishes
and sunken-middle vases.

...and I cradled your head
on my chest
hair a rarest substance
onyx in reflection
eyes black holes
whose event horizon
arrests me

the feel of your skin
cheek cradled in my palm
press of your body
like a reflecting song
I can't get out
of my head

and I could breathe
again.

I hold out loud
conversations
with the ghost of you
in my bed.

Pull me back,
expose the nerves
violet scabs as
we relieve ourselves
in each other.

Darkened doorsteps
in the collapse of a decade.

Fill me up, drunkard.

Empty me out, wife.

I am nothing without you but everything.

Will you stay?

The light in my life
the care that is given
the love that is had
the loss that is hidden

The choice I have made
the way I express
the spaces between
where I am defenseless

The cracks where they show
the pain that still stings
the way to escape
finality brings.

The love that we have
the endless dream
the corrupting touch
of all that we've seen

Drunk on the vapour
as the worm turns
Erase and rewrite me
all I am is words

I'm the fruit you left
to die on the vine
so don't be surprised
when I don't give you my time.

Everyone so lit up
drunk on drink
listless or the hope of a new year.

My mind is circling that black dot
growing larger by the minute.

It's cold, metal frame
eclipses all that remains.

Life gets light
and I am lifted
by the poetry
of her.

Abnormal, she waits
his kiss not enough
his love suffering
from self-esteem issues
as she courts danger
like a mouse
trapped in
a wall of sound.

Can you see these words?
Stare down the barrel of this
alphabet soup,
broth of blood.

Touch my hair,
trigger,
and muscles
turn to puddles.

And so I write here
so as not to disturb.
What can I say?
All I am is words.

He watched, eyes like bullets,
as his innards spilled down
the ziggurat's multicoloured steps.

Sacrifice impetus:
To win the Gods' request

And as he breathed his request,
she was his again,
and he died
happy.

Who would ever see
beyond my flaws
and still want me forever
despite them?

He fled, his shelter broken.
A carnie, free in molestation.

Though drunk in stability
she saw the bank account
and drooled.

You left me discarded
a dead leaf drying further
and went on your pursuit
of attention and power.

Not even the acorn
resplendent in its beauty
could pull you back
into orbit.

Well four decades
have taught me well
and I have pursued
you long enough.

I can father myself,
so *******.

Yes,
even if you were
a worm
a rock
a man
I would still love you.

Despite the marriage vows,
I can no longer promise it will last forever,
like I used to be able to,
but I can promise
you will never be loved
as I love you.

I wrote you love poems
long before I met you

and I will

write you love poems
long after you are gone.

I weigh down on you
through sunset
and into the black.

I nearly crush your little frame,
reducing you into your safety.

Can you feel me?

Who are you?

I'm here,
waking in a sweat,
from a dream too sweet,
to let go.

"I can't live with
or without you."
Well then,
all things being equal,
why wouldn't you pick
saving us
over ending us?

You bend
and almost break.
My pretty dead doll
skin pale as bone
spreads her legs
like a gate to bliss
now wide open.

Worship your white stone temple
words whispered from my thirst.

My hand over your mouth.

With tongue and fingers
I write my worship.

And suddenly
Flash...
What was uncertain
black and white
Was now certain
brilliant colour.

Running running
silently as
Godspeed You! Black Emperor plays
in our shared
binary ying-yang.

Escaping, we fly,
inspired to stay audible
and we are free.

I still wait for you
I still long for you
I still think of you
I still want to talk to you
I still want to smell you
I still want to touch you
I still want to *******
I still want to love you

I still want you
and drop tears that will not stop,
at the end of the day.

She's just a little girl.
Please, just leave her be.
The way she looks at me
shows me eternity.

So leave her in peace,
this cold-bed night alone,
for sure her heart knows
which way is home.