"You are stronger than you think,"
she said,
not realizing
my situation
only came about
because of my weakness.

When my bed doesn't
smell like you anymore
When the bathroom isn't
cluttered with your stuff
When the closet
hangs half full of a ghost
When the kitchen
no longer smells like your cooking

And when all your smiles
fall off the walls
And my refrigerator
(so happy to have it)
screams at me with
newly bare metal...

What will be the point?

I watch the ticks tick away
seconds, to hours, and into days...
Scratching my eyes out
to get you to stay.

But time kills everything,
including this, apparently.

And so I can drink until
there's nothing left
(of me).

And so I can wet this page
until it melts away
like so much sewage.

But how long can I hold on to this?

I don't mean to you, or him, or any relationship or want of mine.

I mean to life.

You are the ocean
that fills me
sustains me.

I cannot live on
foreign waters.

My dying tongue
Parched mouth
Would ne'er sustain me
As I crawled
Hands cracked
Knees ground to the bone
To a drop
If a drop is
all you give me.

I would reject all other
rivers
lakes
seas
rains
for the one drop from you and
the sweet taste of your waters.

If there is a ghost of you
these are the edges
the cheek-turn,
the second-guesses,
the body-lean
the back I face
as I only cry this blood
wishing for your grace.

My lips hang from the edge
of your lips
for a moment,
then meet...

(My soul is blinded by you.
My heart is only for you.
My love will not fail you.
My mind will not destroy us again.)

...and part.

Here's my simple life
diamond spinning in a whirl
Up, down, hop on Pop
where's my little girl?