The things you'll never know
The things I'll never say
The things you don't understand
The things that are only for me
a dark window I look out
a dark web of onion layers.

Someday I'll see you again,
and that will equal all the pointless counseling and
therapy sessions that only delayed my inevitable.

All the things of life:
love
***
learning...

mean nothing in the end,
so why should they matter now?

Someday.

I look forward to it.

I grew us a garden
at least that's what I say
but it was really my way
to show you that new things
can always grow.

Peppers, fleshy sheen
Jalapenos, green
Lavender, my eyes roll back

Your time signature
has changed
and there seems nothing
I can do to explain

Why the peppers are rotting
Why the jalapenos are dead
Why the lavender is dry and barren

So I roll my hand into
the dry, dead soil
of a garden neglected
and all the years we had,
like dirt,
runs away
through my fingers.

I want us to survive
the
heavy times
lost times
hurting times
sadness times
empty times
it-feels-like-there's-no-way-out times.

The faded indigo
that bleeds across the page
dampens all the hope
yet I will fight with all the rage.

I want us to survive.
I want us to survive.
I want us to...
I want us...
I want...
I...
I love you.

You say you've
given
all the love you
have.

Every
last
bit.

And
Love contracts
Love cools
Love dies

But
Love relives
Love warms
Love grows

Love finds the way
like a grass blade
from concrete.

If you were a worm,
I'd spend my days in dirt
letting you run through my fingers
along my gentle hands.

If you were a worm,
I'd spend my money on earth
rich, black, loose
where you could live.

But you are not a worm.
You are a human being.
And as a human is
infinitely more complex,
so is my love,
infinitely exponential.

The moments after death
may carry the
Images
Sounds
Feelings
Memories
In an extended,
Lifetime-long,
dream-state.