It was so easy
When we were alone

The lights would lie
Like bright shadows
Stained pink
At the horizon
Heavy in the sky

You would hold me
To you
Watching my thoughts
Flicker
While I would feel your heart beat
Behind me
Slow

When you spoke
You read
Of a fairy tale
With the only ending
We could imagine
Happy
It was what we had been taught

We were happy alone
You were happy with me
I was sad with you
But they cancelled each other out
A little bit
Scraped apart
It made us
It made us
Who we were

When we were alone
You had me
Almost all of me
Convinced that there were only two to a world

There are not
There is a much greater number
One

Love is never about a placement list. It is not about if i love you more or less. It is about how i love you, not how much. And i love you differently than i could love anyone else.

Perfume that makes me rememebr late nights in the backseat of your car
you knew this, and so you wore it three times, and i could smell it from afar
i caught it as i walked by even across the room,
and i was overtaken by images
images so easy to sink back into -
so easy to want when everything else is so hard to do
i missed these when i shouldnt
they werent mine but stolen
i dont hold onto them but they hit me
like your perfume in my face
They linger in faint traces
when you leave the room

you asked me
why i looked at you
like i used to
when we were tangled up in
each other
I looked at you like that
because the first time this started
everything that happened
was a twisted and sad expression
of a love i really had
but was obscured
and i then, when i looked at you,
remembered it, realized
that in holding back in choosing for you what i knew you wanted and needed -
in admitting that it wasnt me- i was doing what was best for you -
and in that moment i was the best lover i could ever be to you.

it might not have been fair
but it was I, and your friend,
not against you, but perhaps it seemd so,
when we shared our ability to annoy and frustrate you
so well, so frequenty on that day we went up that mountain currahee
and to the falls both big and small
throguh the woods, on the trails,
recalling inside jokes, stories,
bothering you like only two close friends with intimate knowledge of who you are
could manage to
it was beautiful
thank you for introducing me to amanda

Now watch me with my uncertainties drift downward
spy me falling slow or quickly southward
yet do not ****** me up;nay, grab my hand
and pull me gently back from quickened land to land

vaguely i return from softened sleep
i pray that to the fant'sies i have left
i have not lost my soul but have kept
my body and my soul, my mind intact
that though i love the journey, i needn't journey back
to steal vitality- return't unto myself
that my heart lay not hidden among pages upon a shelf

I pray (with my heart-for that is what makes it prayer)
I will not leave but find both here and there
the very heart i oft'n fear i've left behind
tis new, it grew, and changed along with mind
and soul, both here and there -among the mythic leaves
and in sleepy softness when i a'first awaken from waking dream

the realms of fancy both far and near at hand
reach out and touch you like a kind and wrinkled man
sagacious-many stories has he to share with you
gained through eons and ages of conglomerate imaginations
mystery and mythical in all their machinations
learn here what never was found in earthly realizations
heaven loosed on earth -in heads, hearts, and inclinations

a twinkle in his eye hints at many secrets
a longing of my heart overwhelms; bids deeply that i seek it
uncover the connections;his smile flashes white
and mischievous - but no fear or uneasiness overtakes
curiosity creeps in - why?! what?! I must know what you have known
"seek and you shall find, ever travel deeper in",
"seek and you shall win-
the prize- a story all your own"

and fant'sy has aged grown from old to young
indeed he knows that stories kept - that stories never sung
**** life! **** life! go hungry and alone!
and infant dreamer with nary a scream
nor tantrum to leave his lips
may tell as many and great or greater stories
as or than a man with ancient wit

my heart has taken fancy to fant'sy
my lover is my lore
but ever unto day must every daydream shatter more
and oft in life i must momentare -lay aside longing for myth
and often unto lore with life must i take part as *****
and often unto life with lore must i remind my heart
that faithfulness to myth and real may meet within my art
and life that's lived just as a myth is just the place to start
and myth that's lived just as a life is where it all must end
and all that lay between the two is life; and i will spend
to seek a story for the sake of a story
through this - story i shall find
and glory subvert for the sake of substance
you shall not know my name -
for fame i'll sacrifice for worth
and name - i shall know mine

It is hard to measure progress
when you can't tell if where you are
is any different than where you've always been
when it all feels the same
but you have an inkling
a tugging at the truth
that something
has changed
and it always
has been for good
It is in the winter that all dies
to become life again
new life in the spring