I see your face
I hear your voice.
Memories come rushing back
Yet they couldn't feel further away.
I miss you every day
I have so much more to say
But the words just won't come out
Even now, you still take my breath away
Nothing romantic between us,
Just being able to put the masks down
You still see me. You still don't run
You still love me and I wonder how that could be.  
You actually did love me, for real.
The first that actually said the words like that
The moment you said it, I knew at once you meant it.
We will never have what I saw and I am okay with that
As long as I can hold onto the once in awhile chats and the memories of those long nights and poetry, I will be okay.  
I love you
I miss you
Be well.
Smile often
Laugh and sing without holding back.
You are still the most beautiful man I have ever known.

Don't say a word.
Don't contact any of them first.
Don't post. Don't speak.
Don't even think.
Too much damage
No love returned
Not really
They do not miss you
They never loved you
It was all a lie
Second place
No wonder I love silver more
I have never made it to Gold
I wouldn't know the difference
I was never a diamond
I was never the angel
Never first.
So don't.
Stop being pathetic
You are still the same girl
Still all of those things.
Walk away.
Keep walking.
Don't look back.

When asked to choose
When given ten-seconds to choose
I couldn't do it.
Why?
Maybe it is because the one that I would choose
The one that I would choose is happy
Maybe it is because of what it would mean
That would mean letting go of my best friend
It isn't a choice to make
Yes, I am in charge of my own life
But that doesn't mean I can make someone love me
I wouldn't want to if I could.
Love is not so much complicated as it is unpredictable
You do not know who you will fall in love with
You do not know who will love you back.
All that you do know is that you will love
and you will be loved
Having the one that you love love you back
That does not always happen
Even when it does, it does not mean that being together,
that being together is even an option.
It is not. It is not an option. It is not my choice.
There is no decision for me to make except,
except for whether or not I will wait for what may never happen.
I said goodbye to one, can I say goodbye to two more?

Here we go again
with the blank stares
You question my every decision
Since when is that your place?
Curiosity is one thing
but I am a grown woman
You do not live by the standards of those around you
So why do you expect me to live by yours?
I love you, but I am not you
I make my own decisions
I second guess my own decisions.
I do not need those around me questioning every single thing I do.
It hurts. It makes me doubt myself more.
I know that is never your intent, but this has also never been your place.
So, please
Stop with the dead stares.
Stop making me feel like I can do nothing right.
Stop making me feel like my decisions, even the small ones,
make me worthless.
I do that enough to myself.
You are my friend. Just love me. Accept me.
You do not have to agree with me, but please let me be me.

When it is all said and done, remember
Remember that this is what you wanted.
Second chances are few and far between
Three months from now, I will be leaving
You call me your best friend
You can share your insecurities and fears
But you cannot be honest with me?
I will hold on until God tells me no
But things will not be like this.
I cannot do this any longer.
I did it before.
Not again.

I spent way more time than I ever should have.
Why did I let myself hold onto you and what I thought we had for so long.
Am I doing that now? Will I someday look back and see this as the same?
What if the only one that ever really loved me is the one that actually has the one that is so much better for him?
Their love is undeniable, but he did love me. Out of the three, he is the only one that I know without any doubt truly loved me.

So again I ask, when will it be my turn? When will I have the man that I will marry and when will I have the children that I dream of so often?

I didn’t fit into his world. He was this awesome Jesus loving hippie and I was only a cheap imitation of whatever it was that I was pretending to be that week. He bore his soul the moment you handed him a guitar and all I ever did was complain and gossip about the latest drama in my life and in the lives of those around me. He made me want to be a better person. He reminded me of the amazing faith that I once had as a child. I wanted so desperately for him to see me as something better than I was. He was supportive, caring and more patient than I ever could have deserved. For whatever reason, God placed this man into my life and brought back a sense of peace into my life that I thought I had lost forever.