Happy medicine
antidepressants
take it every day and
follow your prescription'

Therapist appointments
Doctors offices
I can't breathe
this is so suffocating

White walls all around me
My room in the psych ward
visiting weekly

So many drugs in my system
more prescriptions
as the doctors try to fix me

Panic attacks
Breaking down
Curled up crying
On the ground
In my ears
a ringing sound
please stop talking
it's too loud

The wounds in my back have healed
But sometimes I swear I still feel
The ghost of your knife
Try and claim my life
Like it's nothing, not a big deal

I try to be the bigger person
I try to walk away
But no matter how hard I try
Or how much I cry
I end up crawling back to the pain

Wishing I would have done something
To try and stop you and your little game
I still stand by
Just a pawn in your eyes
For you to play with
and then throw away

One knee
One life
One soul
One son
One brother
One friend
One husband
One father
One grave
One
Last
Breath

When I look at my city
I see
Boarded windows and doors
I see
Broken glass
I see
Grafitti messages eternalized on old fences and buildings
I see
Protesters fighting to be heard in a sea of voices
I see
Cotten whisps floating and blown away and forgotten like the crimes against innocent people of color committed by white police
I see
Fear in tired eyes, afraid that their children might not come home alive
I see
The man running this country denying and reading someone else's words
I see
Injustice and refusal of the second amendment
I see
The place I call my home
suddenly not safe anymore
for people of color
that America is built on

She's a puppet on a string
with a wave of your hand you can make her do anything
everything went black
she wasn't ready for this attack
and neither was I
so I vowed that I wouldn't let them see me cry

Hide and seek
take a peek
on your tip toes
trying to creep
quietly
as I lie in peace
don't breath loudly as you watch me sleep
ready or not
here I come
coming to find you
my one and only love