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Renee Aug 2011
Mess with me?
Yeah right, you wish.
I love it when you call me *****
I love that sudden high pitch
It reminds me of what I can be.

It lets me know I'm inside your head
poking prying in your soul
that those tears are my toll
to reach my wonderfully horrid goal.
Watch out tonight, I'm the monster under your bed.

I'm the one whose skeleton lies in your closet
Skritching scratching on your door
tell tale heart beating under your floor
victim of your never ending war
whose soul you never did deposit.

Death still waits for that poor soul of mine
wandering the world, now cold and dark
Faking living and breathing, hark!
You hear no beating from this poor soul, no spark
No life to live just death to come, so divine.
Yet still, for you, dead souls do pine.
Renee Aug 2011
Do you see this?
This, this is mine.
This is the only thing that belongs to me.
This is all that I have,
this is what I cling to
this is what gets me through the day.
This is all I feel
It's hot and cold
it's life and it's Deaths favorite flirt
It's sharp and brutal
it's brittle, unfeeling
It's gorgeous and I want to *****
It flows and drips over and under me,
it covers me in lovely liquid warmth
It makes me cold and peaceful.
I love it
I hate it
It's all me
I'm in complete control but it cant stop
it won't stop... I don't want it to.
I want all of me to come out
I want you to see all of me
Love all of me
because
I'm slowly fading
It's getting dark fast and I'm smiling.
I look around with blurred vision,
I'm lying in a field of beautiful rose petals
they're warm and covered in fresh dew
they're budding from my wrists and blooming all around me
spreading slowly and steadily,
a few petals coming off and fluttering a bit farther than the rest
It's beautiful, I think,
To see all of me, spread over the clean white floors,
so perfectly and so wonderful.
My Roses blooming,
Everywhere.
Renee Jan 2012
This one makes you smile,
and that one makes you grow.
This one makes you smaller,
and that one makes you behave.

These ones are for sleeping,
and those ones keep you up.
These ones keep you quiet,
and those ones help your heart.

Little white ones are for me
when Mother can't stand the crying.
Round ones are for Brother,
when his heart can't beat alone.

The Purple are for Mother,
to keep from having more.
And green ones are for sister,
so she doesn't fight back at all.

The bottles in the cabinet,
all lined up in a row,
they keep things running smoothly,
and make sure we all behave.

I wonder what would happen,
if all the bottles in the cabinet,
all the pills they store inside,
were taken just by me.

Do you think I'd go see Alice,
in the red queens field of roses?
Or would I fall into the darkness,
Of a merciful God's hell.
Renee Dec 2010
She has been with his best friend
like no unmarried woman should
my ear I will not lend
when she has done what I knew she would
She's a ***** girl that is how they work
She'll play her games and spin her web
around the corner another will lurk
he will feel her feelings start to ebb
try to save it with all his might
he'll kick and scream the whole way down
but in the end she'll give up with out a fight
and leave him in the sea to drown
reeling in the next poor man
the distance now to far for me to span
I can not save you poor young man.
Renee Dec 2010
I think I'd like a koi.
A sweet, lovely, little fish
not a silly idle toy.
If I had one wish
I'd get one today
and maybe a friend
so they could play
until their sweet end.

But maybe one day
The koi will leave
and swim out of the bay.
Perhaps on the eve
they will swim up to me
let by gone be by gone
and under the tree
tell me they dream to be a dragon.
There's a legend that says that if a koi manages to swim up the falls of Dragon Gate on the yellow river it will become a dragon. Because of that it has become a symbol of aspiring to advance through all troubles and challenges and working hard for it to be the very best. They can also be seen as a symbol of courage. Just sharing info ^^ Hope it helped.
Renee Dec 2010
"I hate you" I scream
in my mind and in my eyes
it's not what it may seem
If I could I'd cut my ties
I would in an instant
and never look back .
You may think me flippant
you may hate this track
but if you walked in my shoes
if you knew the pain I feel
you would feel the bruise
that is never left to heal.

"I hate you" I whisper
barely there and distant
voice not getting any crisper
nothing any different
I miss the past
I miss my friend
I knew this couldn't last
and now it comes to an end.
I didn't know this was the start
of an all out war between us
we know it isn't smart
but we throw each other under the bus.

"I hate you" I scream
out loud and crying
it's not a dream
and I'm not really lying.
I hate you for what you've done
how wrong things got
when this had all begun.
My feelings can't be sold or bought
traded or dismantled
only dealt with
or incorrectly handled
since you're a word smith
you chose the latter,
so I ask you, what's the matter?
Renee Nov 2010
Where are you?
My instincts say this body is untrue.
You left long ago they say,
then they scream run away!
I obey hesitantly,
keep my distance pleasantly.
Watch you implode from a distance,
your whole world shattered in an instance.
Girl after girl fades in and out,
they're all toys without a doubt.
I see your eyes begging for my affection,
Acting out only for a little attention.
Can't you see the drugs disappoint me?
I won't accept your pathetic apology.
I won't ever be yours again,
you abuse my trust so be gone!
Don't plague my ears with your misplaced blame,
I refuse to be a player in your little game,
I found another to love and love me in return.
I'm sorry if it makes your chest to burn,
but you'd best do the same,
Loving him isn't something I would feign.
Renee Jan 2012
Soft piano music playing over the phone
A silence shared between us both
Warmth that soaks me to the bone
Which makes it impossible for me to loathe
Dreams dance inside my head
As I allow my eyes to close
Lying in my familiar bed
My breathing evens as my heart slows
I see myself dancing behind you
I see you playing so intense
Eyes burning hues of the brightest blue
The room widens to be so immense
The walls fall down to sunset skies
The floor boards turn to springtime grass
We're in the place where no one cries
The place I'm still a care free lass
I dance around you and pull you away
to dance with me and be happy
to go back to times where we could play
I take your hand and smile all sappy
but suddenly you stop
you've played a wrong chord
to reduce the dream to colored slop
you say you've become quite bored
We say good bye and wish good night
You hang up and I simply lay there and smile
I know I'll sleep with out a fright
And know I can wake up and walk many a mile
As long as you play for me
Just play for me.
Renee Dec 2010
I once heard of a wise little fish,
An old and experienced swimmer
who avoided becoming a dish
in any Man or Woman's dinner
by showing how lovely he is
and telling how old he had grown.

He told them of old business,
of now mighty trees whose seeds he'd sown.
He showed them his tricks
how wonderfully his scales shown
when he leaped to do flips.
Then they made the little old fish their own.

They loved the little old fish
like their only young son
Who thought it could grant his wish.
He wanted only for fun
and never to toil.
He grabbed it's head
but, too feverish for spoil,
he knocked the old fish dead.

His mother and father came
they saw what he'd done
they begged and prayed in vain
then punished the son,

"You sought not to toil
but death you brought
to one old as the soil.
So search until you've been taught
to love all the world's pain
as much as it's joy
and shoulder the blame
for this death boy."

He searched and he bled
But in life he never did get
knowledge through his thick head
or learn to regret
The deeds that he'd done.
So he lived with scratch and burn
but never with fun
exactly what his greed did earn.
Renee Dec 2010
My best friend he had a name
My best friend he played a game
He got in close enough to touch
And when he finally knew too much
He took my fears he took my hurt
And his good bye was rather curt.

My Best friend now has a new name
it's gained him quite a bit of fame
His name is enemy, the betraying snake
It seems his love was rather fake
He just couldn't handle my happiness
with someone else but I digress.

I loved him once I loved him twice
That love now puts me in a vice
So is he friend or is he foe?
Well, my dear, I just don't know.
You tell me when you find out
But if you say friend it's your sanity I'll doubt.
When I say love I don't mean like in love. I mean friend.
Renee Mar 2011
I'm still here
living in fear
cowering low
from my invincible foe.
I think I should go,
but still I say no
I sit and I stay
day after day
night after night.
Dreams now a plight
I'll sleep no more.

Ride on mighty Thor!
Throw your hammer once more
this storm's a bore!
Shake me to the core
so I can sleep no more.
Show me to the door
so I can stay no more
let me settle the score
so I can brood no more
Make it a chore
so I can rest no more
till the deed I abhor
is to do no more
and I deplore
what I can fix no more.

My body is sore
so I move no more
soon it will fade into old folk lore
and my tale will be told no more.
The clothes that I wore
will be clothes no more
this tremulous war
will be a war no more
and down on the floor
I will cry no more
to this I swore
and I swear no more
except to that, what I adore
exists no more,
since from my heart I tore
what it can have no more.
Renee Dec 2010
It happens all the sudden
A fire sparks inside my chest.
I could hurt a loved one
or ****** all the rest.

I see red
or not at all
until I put myself to bed
into a fitful sleep I fall.

I dream not of sugar plums
and not of fanciful lands
but of glum slums
and ****** hands.

When I arise from my bed
the images left behind
dance inside my head
They never leave my mind

The days go by
uninspired
the hours fly
as I grow tired
As the gory dream
you left for me
becomes my scream
my decree
to bury you
as you did I
venom I spew
I tell a lie:
It's you I hate
Now take the bate.
Renee Jan 2011
"Hey it's just me again...
you just haven't been...
answering you're phone,
I'm starting to feel all alone.
I love you..."

I say when I call you feeling blue
I know you wont pick up,
you've got better things to do.
So I'll fill my empty cup,
fill it to the brim!
I'll light another smoke
and though it seems rather grim
I hope to god I choke.

"Ummm, way to not answer me
you should text me when you're free
or just ******* call me!"

I scream into the phone ,
there's a pain in my head,
so I hang up with a groan,
since I cant get to bed,
I toss and I turn,
and I cry out my eyes,
because my heart burns,
since I know you're not "out with the guys."

"Baby please come back,"
I cough and I hack
"I'm sorry, I've been smoking,
drinking, and choking..."

I hang up before I say more,
Nothing will help, I'm afraid,
he's probably already sore,
and my apologies are never an aid,
He'll come home sometime,
tonight or maybe tomorrow,
without a single dime,
regret or any sorrow.

I suppose those feelings are just mine...
Renee Dec 2010
Bottle of ***,
rock me to sleep,
make me feel numb,
so I don't make a peep.
Let them all see,
the river run red,
what I've done to me,
All the things that I said

No one to blame,
end of the line,
close to the game,
the fault is all mine.
I made a mistake,
one was too many,
I heard my heart break,
like I'd never had any.

Now rock me to sleep
so I don't cause more harm
Let the bed bugs creep
from leg to arm
I swear I won't scream
I promise not to cry
though it may not seem
My eyes have run dry.
Renee Dec 2010
I feel it drowning me
I am suffocating silently
beneath the covers
of all my lovers.
I check the phone,
but I am all alone
left in darkness
the artificial light is amiss.
Slowly I raise sword
That I can not afford
hold it to my throat
While I denote
my loyalty
to a boy at tea
who caught my eye
as I deny
who I am.
"It's me you ****!"
I shout at he
who sighs and sips his tea.
He sits and smiles
tapping fingers on old manila files,
I turn the sword on him
to make the end of this endeavor rather grim
but the sword, it falls
to many shining silver *****
that tumble to a rest at his feet
none too indiscreet.

He shakes his head
as he is walking to the bed,
but never a word between us is spoken.
I wonder if perhaps I have finally awoken
or if all of this is just a bad a dream.
He reaches out to stroke my face, smiling as I scream
His touch burns so bad!
I feel as if I have been had
and that ignites my rage
releases my inner demon from her cage
to have her fun with the boy
who will become nothing but her toy.

The night is over when blood is spilled
the boy's body has been stilled
and my devil rages no more
she found his final struggles to be a bore.
She retreats inside me for the day
to torture me another way,
In silence deep inside my blood stained soul.
Renee Dec 2011
There's a hole in my chest,
just between right and left,
the spot where my heart used to belong.

It once caused me pain,
But never again,
For I've torn it right from my breast.

I tried to drown it in the bathtub,
I watched it Burn upon the stove,
I baked it till it blackened,
But still it moaned and groaned.
So I wrapped it in my hopes and dreams,
and buried it, deep in my soul.

I threw it in an endless pit,
That lies between my dreams and nightmares,
Deep inside the dark abyss,
That I once called my soul.

A shimmering pool of swirling thoughts,
in a garden full of blackened spots,
beside the grave of an innocent child,
is where my love has gone to die.

Go ahead find it, if you can.
Dig it out of my broken innocence,
tear it from my shattered dreams,
Pluck it from my abandoned hopes,
And bring it back to the light.

Listen to it's silent screams,
hear it whimper in agony,
as it remembers what life was like,
when love cast it aside to die.
It never stops,
not until cerulean drops,
are falling from emerald eyes.

But even now,
It calls out again,
Begging for more,
Begging to be hurt and maimed,
It cares not for it's holder,
It listens not to my pleas.
It only screams,
a silent chorus,
Love me,
Love me please.
Renee Jan 2011
There once was a little girl
umber curls let lose to unfurl
while she walked in the flowers
through all the day-lit hours.
Once she found a little sparrow
struck dead by loves golden arrow
she plucked him up from the ground
and to her joy and shock she found
the little bird had fought his fight
and once again took flight to her delight
Renee Aug 2011
I'll rip you're innards out!!
No calm down, there's no need to shout
I'll snap you're thin little neck!!
Shush! Keep yourself in check!
Never! I'll shout till I'm heard!
Shut up or I'll cage you, you daft little bird!
I'll show you a daft bird!! Rot in Hell you *****!!!
Don't you dare raise your voice anymore!
I'll speak as I like! They earned my wrath!!
Stop now! It's not what I want! That's not the right path!
Coward! Spineless quivering sham of my queen!
Go back to sleep! You know that's not what I mean!
You meant to make them pay!
Now It's me you betray!
I have lost my master,
So run away faster.
I'll lend you no help,
Insolent whelp...
Renee Dec 2010
Tendon's break
my lungs collapse
it all feels so fake
until a bone snaps
I scream out in pain
the ambulance comes
their efforts are vain
stopped are the drums
it's time to let go
the angel had said
the death was not slow
now come rest your head
on deaths ice cold bed.
Renee Jan 2012
Here is where gravity is null, and I am void,
I've fallen, I know I have,
Into a hole, I must have died.
I only just landed, some how alive.
Everything is silent, but I'm screaming,
"Talk to me! Talk to me!"
All that I hear now is whispered out of dark rooms,
from figures staring out from stained glass
as I stagger down a dark church corridor,
and they talk to me slowly.

Live in the darkness,
thrive in the shadows,
You fell into our realm,
from the one up above us,
A gift from the light,
A dark shining candle.
Light washes over us,
Leading us and healing our wounds from the life we lived before.

A wicked ebony carriage creaks and whines as it is pulled,
intricate designs are revealed as it draws near,
thorns of pyrite wrap around its doors,
The windows are old and flaking mica.
There are blood red roses that shed petals at every corner,
they move like magic and turn brown as they descend,
before settling on the floor, undisturbed as the carriage wobbles onward.
The carriage itself is pulled by two huge black figures,
spewing sulfuric smelling gas as they exhale,
gnarled brown horns extend from their heads like a ram,
and each is fitted with harnesses of black fire,
Though it seems not to burn them, I pity the poor souls.
I pity them, but still I fear them more.

They settle in front of me, looking upon me with colorless eyes,
Their harnesses disappear as they stop pulling,
They stand straight up reaching at least seven feet tall each,
towering over me as they pant out thick steam.
I raise a quivering hand to touch one of the beasts,
To prove it's real and truly standing in front of me,
I see the sweat glistening like diamonds on it's short black fur.
I look into it's eyes, but I can't see any threat in them,
However, I can't find any comfort in those dark obsidian eyes either.
I can feel the heat radiating from it's body now,
I can feel it's hot breath baring down on me.
I hesitate a millimeter away from touching it's coarse hair.

The door to the carriage is thrown open with a bang,
shocking me into stumbling away from the beast before me.
I glance up at it and see it still staring at me with those dark empty eyes,
I am nearly hypnotized by those eyes.
A small man, no more than four and a half feet tall,
approaches me and I tear my eyes from the beast's.
The man is old and wrinkled,
his skin grey from age and his obvious decay.
He has no eyes that I can tell,
his lids are clenched and wrinkled shut.
At his side is a whip, nine tailed and barbed,
made from black leather, caked with blood
and still clinging to bits of flesh, torn from it's victims.

The man takes his ****** whip in hand
and strikes the double doors in back of the carriage,
I cringe and step back, fearing what might come out.
The beast in front of me grunts, breaking my concentration,
I look up to his eyes and find he's still staring down at me,
he drops to one knee, now eye level with me, and extends his arm.
It's huge and obviously muscled, He could tear me in half if he wanted,
but now I can see the emotion and colors in his eyes,
Swirls of blues, accents of purples,
hint of green, flecks of yellow.
I feel calm, I feel safe with this beast of a demon kneeling before me.
I trust that he will never harm me, but I don't know why.

The old man lets out a stern yell in a tongue I can't understand,
The man's eyes are open now,
But I find myself looking at empty sockets.
He raises his whip at the beast kneeling before me,
approaching as small imp like creatures unload the carriage,
I am frightened for the beast who stays unflinching.
I can see the beast not even bracing for his attack,
I can see his powerful clawed hands,
one limp at his side, the other stretched out to the side of me.
Neither is going to stop the little man from tearing chunks of flesh from his body,
neither is going to attack the man who is still yelling in that foreign dialect.

I find myself staring into the beasts eyes again,
I am drawn into them, towards them.
My feet move of their own accord,
taking me closer to this hulking monster,
I smell the musky scent of his fur,
then I feel it, coarse and oily against my bare arms.
I don't know when I wrapped my tiny arms around his neck,
but I can barely get them around him.
I feel a strong arm go gently across my back,
then a hand at the bend of my knees.
I close my eyes and can feel myself being lifted up.

The man stops yelling and I open my eyes again,
He's fussing about at the beasts feet,
muttering something about it's height,
he turns his empty sockets on me.
I bury my face in the demons neck fur,
a cowardly thing to do, but I am so frightened by those empty sockets.
I hear him laugh and scoff,
saying something about frightening too easily.
I look back with one eye and see him setting up the thing from the carriage.
It looks like a painting with a ***** burgundy tapestry over it,
I can see golds and browns weaved into it,
but it's deteriorating like the man fretting over it.

He motions for me to look at it,
so I obediently face it fully,
my demon settling me comfortably in one arm.
The man pulls the tapestry from the painting,
I peer down at it wondering what it could be of,
it seems enchanted like the roses on the coach.
The colors themselves seem to dance and writhe on the canvas.

It's a picture of lithe little woman,
She looks to be sitting on an invisible chair in midair,
all around her is darkness and death,
scattered bones and a broken carriage lie behind her,
as swirling purple and blue dust swirls in the air.
Her hazel eyes burn like embers from a slowly dying fire,
They seem to be able to peer into my mind, if she so pleased,
Even see into my Soul through her thick black lashes.
Her coal black eye shadow is painted to mimic a spiders web,
and as though it had been woven on with the silk itself,
it shimmered in flickering candle light.
I could see she was resting on shadows, not the air,
now that I looked harder at her,
and she was surround by them on all sides.
She is the lone bright color in the painting,
A white haze, like gossamer curtains, drapes over her body,
I watch, mesmerized as the haze forms to her frame,
making a dress that looked innocent, yet deadly and beautiful upon her form.
She looks familiar somehow,
and I reach towards the magical artwork,
And she reaches back for me.

I freeze, goosebumps raising the hair on my body.
I wave, and she mimics,
I nod, and so does she.
I look to the beast, and to the man
He nods and I need not ask the question.
This was not a painting,
Just a mirror,
I was only watching myself.
I look again and see the haze left over,
it's above my head, drifting over my hair,
settling into a tiara of demons and spiders
all made from fine crystal that seemed to make a light of it's own.

More whispers came from the closed doors,
whispers that turned into a chorus of voices,
Voices that seemed ominous, sad,
friendly and threatening,
A chorus of evil things that hid in the shadows.
The things that ****** children from mothers,
and lead men astray to their deaths,
yet I loved them without question,
as they repeated again;

Live in the darkness,
thrive in the shadows,
You fell into our realm,
from far up above us,
A gift from the light,
Our shining candle,
spilling light in the darkness,
Our queen of the night.
Renee Feb 2011
He comes in he comes out
Now what's this all about?
Come dear close the door
what is it you're fighting for?
He's just a ghost
a specter at the most
It's best to shut your door
come now, get off the floor
brush off your dress
you're such a mess.
He's dead you know?
Buried down bellow.
Don't waste your time
you've lost your mind
if you even think
his flesh wouldn't stink.
Now get to bed,
go rest your head,
and in the morning
you'll be done mourning
or find a new way to lament
someone who isn't even present.
He's laid beneath the clover
his life's been done and over
so stop your tears
and quit your fears
dead men tell few tales
though some do make for good sales
any tale a dead man may tell
isn't worth the trouble to sell.
Renee Sep 2011
The past is in the past,
it's not supposed to last,
that's why it's the past.

Put the past behind you,
that's what you should do,
never let it bind you.

Bury your past if you can,
don't let it make you it's hatchet man,
that was your game plan.

The past came back to bite,
you felt it wasn't right,
so you cried and gave up the fight.

The past won outright,
and it did so with delight,
as you screamed and cried in fright.

Keep the past close on hand,
leave those under it's command,
and never let it walk the land.

Lest you be crushed offhand.
Hatchet man - one whose job it is to execute unpleasant tasks for a superior; A professional killer.
Renee Aug 2011
Give me everything!
Leave me with nothing!
Tell me what I want!
My soul is incredibly gaunt.
You stole any possibility of being happy here
please, someone, lend me their ear!
Tell me I'm not wrong!
Tell me I don't deserve this song!
So lonely, so sad
so ready to drive me mad!
I hear it every day!
please! Take it off play!
I can't stand this melody anymore
it screams at me, it cracks me at my core
So I scream too, silent as death
scream till I'm out of breath.
Why did you do this to me?
Is this my fee?
My un-payable tole
to earn back my soul?
**** me... Just end it
I can't handle another hit...
Please... Stop the music.
Renee Dec 2010
Fought once too many
eyes grown oh so heavy
unable to tell button from penny
all my emotions drained through a broken levee
I see you and just stare at you and our disjoint
no anger or hate that you saw before
My eyes only reflect how much you disappoint
no tears or drone of the words I swore
You sit by me and shift under my mournful gaze
I ask you silent questions
You smile but my face it doesn't faze
I can tell how slow you pass the seconds
counting every one and hating how I look
You hate it and I know it, I can read you like a book
Renee Apr 2011
The first show of affection
A lingering glance
gaining her attention
It sparks a new romance
when she lets lose a shy smile
as he makes his advance
through the unsuspecting crowd
they stand and talk for a while
on they're own private cloud
as the clock ticks on towards midnight
Before the clock strikes twelve
she says farewell and leaves his sight
into pockets his hands delve
To find a note his true love wrote
It did relate a time date and place
where he should meet her for a date

The day came and made his heart race
as for his love he did patiently wait
When she arrived she shone like the sun
her beauty went unparalleled in his eyes
the two had so much innocent fun
they never realized how fast time flies
until the date was done and the day was over
he walked her to her door step
with a soft kiss he claimed her as his lover
that night she dreamed of him as she slept
and he thought of her as he sat awake reliving the day
in his mind and in his yearning heart
years went by and never did they stray
leave each other or break apart
until the day god took his love away
left him alone doomed to cry and stay
Renee Feb 2011
Every time we kiss,
I drag on my bliss,
as it could be the last,
good things end far too fast.
Each time we hug,
I know you're my drug,
you get me so high,
that I simply cant lie.
And when we're entwined,
In body and mind,
there only is you,
the whole world through.
Though I can tell,
as it puts me through hell,
that you don't feel the same,
oh what a cruel game,
To love one so much,
when their heart's out of touch.
Renee May 2011
To change fast he takes a pill
Without a drop of water
It makes him feel ill
And forget what he promised her

He wanders into danger
He falls and gets hurt
He calls me a stranger
And he plays with my skirt

But I'm wearing pants
He's acting so dumb
He smoked some plants
Then the ***** made him numb

Baby, please hurry and change back
Then I swear I won't leave, I'll unpack.

— The End —