Sometimes i stare in the mirror,
looking back at myself wondering how i got here,
how i could have changed so much.

I dont see myself as i was before.

Before when i gazed at my reflection i saw someone strong, someone smart, someone ready for love, a healed itellegent woman.

But in this moment as i look in my reflection i see tired eyes, weighed down by waiting tears.
I see someone hurt, someone intellegent yet naive.
I see sorrow and pain, guilt, and insecurity.
I was once happy, lonely and not in love, but somewhat happy, happy and ready for the future.

Now im here, stuck in the present, ashamed of my recent past, and doutbful of the future.

Now a days im not so cheerful, im not so happy, and im not so optimistic.

Its crazy what love can do to you, and its crazy what someone you love can turn you into.

My soul is sufficated by doubtful love.
My mind and my heart ache from lies and broken promises.

I thought being in love meant changing you for the better, not breaking you down for the worst.
I thought love was different.
All i can say now is .  .  .


look what its done to me.

So sick of everybodys ****,
Everyone has their own issues and no ones complacent.
Everyones steady complaining.
Everyones steady misleading.
Everyones doing their own dirt and cheating.
Just waitin for someone to take me from this disaster, help me heal, and no longer let my heart shatter.
Im sick of this ****,
To much to deal with,
Sometimes i wanna just take these pills and float off to bliss.

After I have told you so much
Laid down so much in front of you
My struggles
Dreams
Needs
Wants
Secrets
I've opened up
I've let you see into my soul
The darkest parts
The foolishness
The stupid, giddy side of me
The things I wouldn't dare to dream of telling someone else
I chose
To open up
I made the choice
To trust
Again
And look
Once again

Lies have broken me

I have this canny little part of me
That somehow chooses to open up to people
Who LIE
And the lies are what hurt the most

I cannot help but think
That everybody is lying to me
I never used to have that problem
In the past, I used to have faith
In those I surrounded myself with
But lately, that isn't the case
I question everything people tell me
I question their feelings and their thoughts
I hardly ever believe the things they say
Especially the things about me
I don't believe I'm loved or wanted
I don't believe I'm interesting or worthy
Despite being told that I'm all of the above
I suppose in past relationships and mishaps
I've come to develop trust issues
Being lied to so many times by people I once held so dear
And invested the most faith and confidence in
Being betrayed by those people
When I never thought it was possible
Has ruined my chances of finding true happiness
When will I heal?
When will I restore faith in humanity?
I have a feeling personal changes need to be made
So I guess that starts today